Another year ...

Another year is approaching in a few hours. It was like yesterday when I was making plans for 2010. I pretty much achieved what I wished: I went to new places, enjoyed my friends' company, learned a lot, and taught a lot. I said what I meant, I was at peace with myself and hardly allowed anyone to ruin this peace. For the most part I was happy. This happiness however relied on a conscious effort to put distance between myself and those who made me sad, stressed, depressed, mad, etc. It worked to some degree.

I am at a new level now, realizing that I am sad seeing my close family members and friends in pain. I cannot just protect myself by staying away from some people. As painful as it is, maybe I have to just be in their lives when they want me to. I cannot change or influence anything unless I am involved. We cannot claim we are open minded and tolerant but not want to carry a conversation with someone because we do not like their opinion or because we do not like their approaches to things. I do not think I was performing poorly in this area, but the approach of many friends and family members around me made me realize the importance of being involved, open, and receptive to others. That is the only way I can hope for any positive change: by doing something about issues that bothers me. And that's my new year's resolution. May I not regret this!

به خاطر روى ماهش

درسته، من ماه رو دوست دارم. عكسش هم روى بلاگم هست. ازش حرف هم ميزنم، اما اين روز ها كه همه از ماه گرفتگى ميگويند، سكوت كردم. اصلا همين را هم نميخواستم بنويسم. آنقدر همه در وصف اين ماه گرفتگى نوشتن، كه انگار بايد خودم را توجيه كنم. هر چند كه اين بين من و ماه است و هيچ ربطى هم به شما ندارد. من نميدانم چرا همه براى ديدن ماه گرفتگى بيدار مينشينند و آن را يك پديده جالب ميدانند؟ من چشم ديدن گرفتگى ات را ندارم. من فكر ميكنم اين پديده نادر يعنى روال عادى و نظم طبيعى به هم خورده; كه تويى كه هر شب همه جاى دنيا با من بودى و هستى، تصميم گرفته اى كه قايم شوى، براى خودت باشى. بقيه نميفهمن تو اون يك شب رو ميخواهى با خودت باشى؟ همه همون يك شب يادت ميوفتن؟ از ترس گم شدنت، از دست دادنت، بايد لحظه به لحظه شاهد گرفتگيت باشن؟ من آنشب تخت خوابيدم كه تو هر جا كه ميخواهى بروى تا فردا شبش دل قرص و كاملت را ببينم.

از دهى در خراسان تا ...

از دوستان اقوام ما هستند، خودش و خانمش هميشه با سكوت و وقار بيشتر شنونده هستند. كمتر به ياد دارم حرفى زده باشند به جز سلام و احوالپرسى هاى معمولى. البته بندگان خدا گناه ندارند، بين دعواهاى سياسى و مذهبى و فخر فروشى هاى عده اى به عده ديگر، سكوت پيشه كردن بهتر است. من معمولا به بچه هاى برادرم كه سوزنشان روى "عمه" با اون لهجه شيرينشون گير ميكنه پناه ميبردم، كه آنها هم نبودند. از قضاى روزگار آدمهاى بحث برانگيز هم كمى رحم كرده بودند و سكوت پيشه كرده بودند، و باعث شد من و اين زوج مسن با هم صحبت كنيم و بهتر بشناسمشان. واقعا خيلى جالب هست آدم ها از كنار هم ماهها و سالها رد ميشوند، بدون اينكه همديگر را خوب بشناسند.

حرف سر آمريكا آمدن افراد بود، و اين آقا ركورد دار جمع بود. گفت سال 1964 به آمريكا آمده. 1964، خيليه ها! اون موقع داخل ايران هم كمتر كسى براى درس خوندن به شهر ديگرى ميرفت. اما نقطه تعجب فقط زمان آمدنشان نبود، بلكه از كجا به كجا رفتن و رسيدنشان بود. خودش ميگويد " ما در ده بوديم." اسم دهشان يادم رفت، اما نزديك بجنورد در استان خراسان بود. ميگويد "من اولين كسى بودم كه در دهمان كلاس ششم را تمام كردم". كلاس ششم، نه حتى ديپلم! پدرش مكتب رفته بود، يعنى نزد آخوندهاى ده سواد ياد گرفته بود. همين سواد براى او كافى بود كه دنيا را به او بشناساند. ميگفت پدرم تمام كتابهاى درسى من را از اول تا آخر ميخواند. اگر من در امتحان علوم يا تاريخ 14 ميشدم، پدرم اگر اون امتحان رو ميداد حتما 20 ميگرفت. پدرش كشاورز و زمين دار بود، و مشترك چند روزنامه رايج آن زمان شده بود. روزنامه ها از مشهد با پست براى او ميامدند. همان سواد مكتبى در دنيا را به او باز كرد. پسرش را به شهر براى درس خواندن فرستاده بود و پس از ديپلم به او توصيه كرده بود براى تحصيل به خارج برود. اين آقاى داستان ما ميگويد در آن زمان عده اى از دوستانش داشتند كارهايشان را ميكردند كه به آلمان بروند. او در تهران سرگرم تدارك كارهاش بوده كه تلگرافى يك خطى از پدرش كه به مشهد براى فرستادن آن تلگراف رفته بود ميگيرد: "آلمان نرو، آمريكا برو." با خود هاج و واج فكر ميكند تك و تنها آمريكا بروم كه چه، من با دوستانم ميخواستم سفر كنم، اما حمايت مالى پدر زمين دار و كشاورز براى آمريكا رفتن بود، نه آلمان، و اين طور شد كه اين آقا با ثبت نام در كلاس انگليسى در ايالت نيويورك ويزا ميگيرد و به آمريكا مى آيد.

او امروز مهندس راه و ساختمان موفقى است. دو سال پيش به خاطر وضع بد اقتصادى كمپانى كه در آن كار ميكرد عذر عده اى از جمله او را خواستند. زمان باز نشستگيش هم هست اما به دنبال كار گشت و در اين بحران اقتصادى در يكى از بزرگترين كمپانى هاى تكنولوژى كه با وزارت هواپيمايى آمريكا قراردادهاى فراوان دارند كار گرفت. صبح ها ساعت 4:30 بيدار ميشود تا قطار ساعت 6:15 را بگيرد. دوست ندارد صبح ها عجله كند و الا اين همه وقت لازم ندارد براى رسيدن به ايستگاه. از شمال مريلند قطار ميگيرد تا پس از يك ساعت به ايستگاه مترو مركزى واشنگتون دى سى برسد، و بعد با مترو به كار ميرود. هر طرف مسيرش 2 ساعت طول ميكشد، يعنى روزى 4 ساعت در راه است. اما اصلا گلايه نميكند، ناراضى نيست، كارش را دوست دارد، خوشحال است كه كار دارد. وقتى من در مورد راه دورش گفتم كه بايد خسته كننده باشد، گفت نه، من دو سال كار نداشتم، خيلى بد بود. قطار راحت است، چشمهام رو روى هم ميذارم تا برسم. خانمش در تاييد خوشحال بودنش گفت وقتى خونه ميرسه اصلا خسته و ناراحت نيست.

سواد خواندن و نوشتن براى يك كشاورز ايرانى كافى بود كه تصور و آرزوى تحصيل در آمريكا رو براى فرزندش بكنه و اون رو محقق كنه. بايد قبل از اينكه دير بشه باهاش درباره پدرش، تجربيات سفرش، خاطراتش مصاحبه اى كنم. اينها جزيى از تاريخ معاصر ثبت نشده ايرانند. اصلا ما ميدونيم اولين ايرانى كه به آمريكا اومد كى بود؟ كى اومد؟ چرا اومد؟ انگار فقط همان 2500 سال پيش برايمان مهم است.

Jeans Dilemma!

When sorting through cloths in an attempt to organize, simplify, and maybe donate some, one is often faced with a tough decision: to keep or not to keep a pair of old Jeans that do not fit anymore. A person often goes through one of the following thought and decision-making processes:

a) It is small for me now, but I am going to fit in it again one day. If I throw it away, I have given up any hope of that. So, I hold on to the small Jeans.

b) It is big for me now, I cannot believe I ever wore this. I have to throw it away to never even have the option of wearing it again.

We make so many other decisions in life, the same way we approach the Jeans dilemma, while the only truth we are certain of is that It just does not fit now!

Planning

Where is this country going? We are suffering from lack of planning and oversight at the highest levels. The senators were trying to pass a historic vote about gays in military. They were confident they will win. They ended up three votes short! Could not they do a survey, ask representatives, to see if they have the votes? Suppose they did. Could not they make sure they all be present when the voting occurred? Especially since they are whining so much about how they do not want to stay for a repeal and re-vote during the holidays? Turns out they lost one vote because one senator was at her dentist's office! A historic vote is not worth rescheduling her appointment, or making sure everyone knows when to show up?

The country is in desperate need of good legislation and reform financially, and their approach: let's make everyone happy, no taxes for anyone, save money for the rich, add to that deficit. We worry about it trillions of dollars deeper in the debt, as long as we can start our holiday season on time. Let's just get out of here!

If you fail to plan, plan to fail.

تهوع

دل هاشون همه از هم پر از درد و كينه است، اما بهترين چهره و ظاهر رو براى هم به نمايش ميذارند، ضيافتى برگزار ميكنند، بهترين فيلم ها رو براى هم بازى ميكنند، كلى از قبل فكر كردند كه چى به كى، كى بگن به زخم زبان، طعنه، كنايه، كه يك چيزى انداخته باشند، بعد نگاه پيروزمندانه اى به طرف ميندازند، انگار از فتح بزرگترين سرزمين ها برگشته اند.  حالت از اين همه دورويى و دروغ بهم ميخوره.  دلت بيشتر از هميشه براى دوستات تنگ ميشه...

What is it?

What is it that attracts us to some people from the first moment we see them, and makes us not like some other before we even talk to them?  Has it ever happened to you?  It has to me.  There are a few very good friends I have now that before I knew their names, before I had spoken even one sentence with them, the first time I saw them in a party, in school, or at work, I knew we were going to be part of each other's lives, because we both wanted to learn more about each other, keep in touch, and be friends.  Then, there are other people who might as well be nice, caring, wise, etc., but you do not feel inclined to invest so much time and energy in having a relationship with them; no matter how hard they try.  You do not know the reason, but based on my past experiences, often times something happens later confirming your initial gut feeling and intuition about that person, both positive and negative.  In fact, it has worked so well for me that I trust my gut feeling and intuition very much.  It has never lied to me.  Or does it lie to us and we unconsciously look for reasons to confirm our beliefs based on our intuition and we ignore other data that disapproves it?

Another example is in dating.  I read somewhere that within the first five to seven seconds of a first date, people have already decided whether they like to see the other person again and go for a second date or not.  That is why these speed dating and four minute dating businesses are flourishing.  If your first impression is negative, during the rest of the date you are acting nice and polite while you do not really want to be there.  How are we humans communicating these perceptions and feelings among ourselves?  Are we sending and receiving some information through some form of invisible signal?  Do we really have such sensors?  Is there a scientific explanation for gut feelings and first impressions? Or is it that we are simply inferring so many things from the way a person dresses, smells, talks, walks, sits, stands, listens, and behaves?

كنسرت آريان

چند هفته پيش كنسرت آريان بود.  با اين اوضاع و احوال ايران و رابطه ايران و امريكا، همين كه با رضايت هر دو كشور  بالاخره رسيده بودند آمريكا، اون هم براى بار اول، خيلى هنر كرده بودند. هر چند كه ميدونستم حد آقل ويزاى يكى از اعضاى بند  به موقع آماده نشده بود و از كنسرت به جا مونده بود.   در هر حال من و دوستام رفتيم كه هم حمايتى كرده باشيم، هم خوش بگذرونيم. 

جو كنسرت خيلى خوب بود.  هم جوون هايى كه از ايران با اين بند خاطره داشتند خوشحال بودند، هم خودشون با شادى و شوق خاصى ميخوندند.  انگار خيلى خوشحال بودند كه آمريكا اومده بودند.  مردم كه ديگه ايران نبودند دست ميزدند، ميرقصيدند، ميخوندند. با وجوديكه گروه خيلى رعايت قوانين ايران رو ميكرد، خواننده اصلى خيلى كيف ميكرد.  از اين ور صحنه به اون طرف ميرفت، دستاشو بالا ميبرد، ميچرخيد و پشت به ما ميكرد، و يك جورهايى ميرقصيد براى خودش.  انرژى سالن خيلى بالا بود، اما تمام نگاه من به نوازندگان و خوانندگان زن بود كه در حجاب اسلامى مثل مجسمه ايستاده بودند.  يكيشون دست به سينه بود.  انگار زور ميزد كه نكنه يك وقت بدون اين كه بفهمه دستاش تكون بخورن.  هر از گاهى دستش رو ميبرد به روسريش كه سفتش كنه و چكش كنه كه نكنه موش پيدا شده  باشه.  من نميدونم توى اين همه صدا و دست و قر چطور بدون هيچ حركتى موندند.  فكر ميكنم از هر شكنجه اى اين كنسرت براشون سخت تر بود، و بايد دانشگاه هاى هنر به اينها يك مدرك افتخارى براى مجسمه شدن و بى حركت موندن بدن.

وسط برنامه خواننده اصلى اعلام كرد كه مدير گروه چند كلمه حرف دارند براى ما.  بعد از سلام و تشكر از حضور ما و غيره ايشون گفتند كه ميخواستند يك سو' تفاهمى رو رفع كنند.  گفت شايعه شده كه از گروه آريان هيچ كس نيومده به جز يك نفر! در حاليكه اين طور نيست،  از گروه آريان همه اومدند به جز يك نفر.  آقاى فلانى كه نيم چك اف-بى-آى اش به موقع جوابش نيومد، كه از كنترل همه ما خارج بود، آقاى فلانى هم كه فلان طور شد!!   يعنى اين آقاى مدير در دو جمله پشت سر هم جلوى بيش از صد نفر دروغ گفت.  فقط يكيشون نيومده بود، خودش راجع به دوتاشون پشت همون جملش حرف زد!  تازه بعدن كاشف به عمل اومد كه يكى از خانم هاى بند هم نبود و اصلا اين آقا اشاره يى نكرد.  در پايان هم گفت كه خواستم اين سو'تفاهم رفع شه براى كنسرت فردا شب در نيويورك (يعنى نكنه ما فروش نكنيم براى اين حرفها).  البته بگم كه چندين عضو اصلى بند بودند و نه فقط يك نفر، اما خب بيشتر از يكيشون هم نبود.

خلاصه به ظاهر من هم با آهنگ ها همراهى ميكردم و شادى ميكردم، اما ته دلم ناراحت بودم.  از اينكه در قلب آمريكا، در پايتخت دنياى آزاد به قول راديو هاى واشنگتن دى سى، پول داده بوديم كه صاف صاف تو چشممون دروغ بگن و ما رو خر فرض كنند، و اين خيلى عادى و راحت باشه براشون، اين كه  شاهد نا برابرى و بى عدالتى نسبت به زنان گروه باشم،  اين كه ياد همه اون چيز هايى بيفتم كه به خاطر فرار ازشون زندگى در اينجا رو برگزيدم.  اون شب من در قلب آمريكا در جمهورى اسلامى به سر بردم و در فرهنگ دروغ و رياى حاكم بر فرهنگ جامعه ايران، هر چند كه اولش با اين نيت رفته بودم كه از گروهى كه با وجود اين همه مانع و سختى به اينجا رسيده حمايت كنم، اما الان نميدونم، آيا اين رفتار رو بايد حمايت كرد يا نه؟

Listen to me; Talk to me.

On a fast fast train,
He talks, talks, and talks,
Not giving silence a chance to exist,
What if he hears what he is afraid of?

In a deep deep valley,
He listens, listens, and listens,
Not allowing any sound of him elevate,
What if he says what he is afraid of?

The cause of all tears*

No one  can get to know it or enjoy it without tears.
You have to take the time,
Cry with it,
One layer at a time,
Moving beyond its surface.
Maybe you learn about the cause of all tears?

Searching for an answer,
You keep peeling,
One layer after another,
Chopping the parts and using them,
Till the last piece,
Till nothing is left,
Except the memory of the tears,
That led you to the nothing point at the end.

Nothing is left,
But the memory of the challenges you overcame,
To see through the tears and keep going,
Just to add a little taste to your life!

* I had seen this phrase in a museum in Brisbane, where they were displaying a dress made of a sack that was used for storing onions.  They had titled it "the cause of all tears".  I liked that title and it had stayed with me ever since.

"واى شما چقدر قوى هستيد!"

حد اقل بيست سال از من بزرگتر است. دخترش مشكل تيروييد پيدا كرده و احتياج به عمل دارد.  هر از چند شبى به من زنگ ميزند و سوال هاى جور وا جور ميكند.  "دكتره ميگه اين، .... درسته به نظر شما؟ عيبى نداره اين كار و بكنه؟"، و من ميگويم "كه والا من دكتر نيستم، هر كس شرايطش با كس ديگه فرق ميكنه، خب اونكه متخصصه بهتر ميدونه."  قانع نميشود.  انتظار دارد بگويم (يا تاييد كنم) اين دكترها با بيمه زد و بند دارند و براى جيب خودشان جراحى را توصيه ميكنند.  ميدانم كه شايد هنوز خبر برايش تازگى دارد و باهاش كنار نيومده.  ميگويم نگران نباشيد، اين عمل جا افتاده ايست. "واى خيلى نگرانم، خيلى، كاش ميشد شما بياين اينجا به ما دلدارى بديد".  از فكر اينكه من بايد به مادر و نه به دختر مريض دلدارى بدهم كمى خنده ام ميگيرد.  هنوز ميخواهد توجيه كند كه شايد عمل لازم نباشد.  ميگويم، "خب نظر دوم گرفتن و مشورت با يك متخصص ديگر ضررى ندارد، اما ديگه هر كى رو كه به عنوان دكترتون انتخاب كرديد بايد بهش اعتماد كنيد، اينجورى نميشه."  ميگويد شما چقدر قوى هستيد، هم قوى هستيد هم خونسرد.  نميدانم تعريف است يا نه.  ميپرسد نميترسيديد؟ خودت تصميم گرفتى عمل كنى؟ ميگويم من به توصيه دكترم عمل كردم و به حرفش اعتماد كردم.

مرتب در مورد جاى بخيه و اثرش بر زيبايى و غيره ميپرسد.  خيلى جدى بهش ميگم "اين آخرين چيزى هست كه الان شما بايد بهش فكر كنيد، بايد نگران باشيد كه خداى نكرده اين غده سرطانى نباشه، دخترتان سرطان نگيره، دير نشه، به جاهاى مختلف بدنش پخش نشود."

بعد نگران زمان عمل و درس و مشق و برف و هوا و دوران نقاهت و غيره است.  ميپرسد من چه وقت سال عمل كردم و چقدر استراحت كردم. به او ميگويم من تمام وقت درس ميخواندم و تمام وقت كار ميكردم، و فرداى روزى كه تز دكترام رو دفاع كردم رفتم اتاق عمل.  يك هفته هم از كار بيشتر مرخصى نگرفتم.  نميدانم ديگر چه بايد بگويم كه ارام شود.  "شما بايد براى دخترتون قوى باشيد، نميشه كه هم شما بترسيد و نگران باشيد هم اون".  در جواب ناباورانه ميگويد "واى شما چقدر قوى هستيد!".

امروز با دكتر  جراح وقت داشتند و امشب به من زنگ زد.  ناراحت بود كه جايى كه قرار است ببرد به نظرش خوب نيست، از من ميپرسد عيبى ندارد؟  ميگويم والا به خدا من جراح نيستم، خب لابد اونطورى بهتر ميتونه كارش رو بكنه، بالاخره يك جا رو بايد باز كنه.  خداحافظى كه ميكند ميگويد با شما كه حرف ميزنم آروم ميشم، و من كه فكر ميكردم همش دارم دعواش ميكنم تعجب ميكنم و خجالت ميكشم.


در حال نوشتن اين متن بودم كه تلفن زنگ ميزند. "ببخشيد دوباره مزاحمت شدم، ميگم اين اون روزعمل سوم هست، از شب قبل غذا نخورده باشه فشارش نيفته، حالش بد نشه؟"،  ميگويم، "خب هر چى بشه تو بيمارستان هستيد، هم دكتر هست هم تجهيزات، يه سرم يا آب قند لابد وصل ميكنند بهش اگر اين اتفاق بيفته.  اون ها همه چيز رو از ضربان قلب و فشار خون و .. تحت كنترل دارند".

و من كم كم داره باورم ميشه كه چقدر قوى هستم!

Moving on.

It is a nice picture.  The two of them with me at a friend's wedding over six years ago.  I had gone to their house earlier that night to share the ride with them.  It was nice being dressed up and seeing them getting ready for a nice occasion as opposed to our usual simple grad student looks those days.  Going to fancy formal gatherings was not as common among us back then.  We were more used to socializing in coffee hours, over free pizzas, movie nights, etc.  When I arrived at their place, she was coloring her nails and was already in her dress.  All of a sudden she sneezed.  She could not clean her nose since her nail colors were still wet and she was in her nice dress.  So, she asked her husband for help.  As he was putting a tissue at her nose and she was blowing her nose, I saw something so cute and funny I could not stop laughing.  It was contagious and the three of us exploded with laughter.  "What are you laughing at?", he asked while he could not stop laughing himself. "That how nice it is to have such a nice husband to clean one's nose whenever you need it", I hardly could mumble.  "Well, I am offended. That is all I am good for?", he continued joking.  After several minutes of laughing, we finally put ourselves together and headed to our destination.

Many things have changed since then.  My very good friends, who I used to get so much positive energy from and who I admired a lot for their beautiful relationship, are not together anymore.  They each have moved on.  One of them is engaged now to a new partner.  The other friend, whose wedding we attended that night, is also divorced from the guy she had married that night.  She is now married to her second husband.

All these years, the picture of the three of us was in my study.  All these years, whenever I looked at that picture, I would smile remembering us getting ready to go to that wedding and how much we laughed.  It dawned on me, the only person who had not moved on was me.  As much as I loved that picture of the three of us, I finally took it out of the frame.

بینش

معلمی شغل شریفی است.  با اندیشه و احساس آدم‌ها مدام در رابطه است. همیشه فکر می‌کردم و می‌کنم که اگر حتی یک نفر یک چیز جدید سر کلاس یاد بگیره، طرز فکرش نسبت به مسایل در جهت بهتر (که خودش جای بحث و‌ اختلاف نظر داره) عوض بشه، روش‌های استدلال منطقی‌ رو یاد بگیره، و مهمتر از اون کاربردش رو در زندگیش بفهمه، زندگی‌ اون شخص بهتر می‌شه، و دنیا دنیای بهتری می‌شه.  و ما چه معلم‌های جور واجوری داشتیم در ایران. و چقدر تشنه یاد گیری بودیم و از دنیا دونستن و از دنیا عقب نیفتادن. نه، تشنه دیده شدن هم بودیم.  اینکه به توانایی هامون باور داشته باشند، و باور کنند که اگر فقط به ما آموزش درست بدند، میتونیم یاد بگیریم، موفق بشیم، و هر کاره‌ای که خواستیم بشیم.  اما حیف که خیلی‌ از معلم هامون هم ته دلشون این باور رو نداشتن. سال‌های دبیرستان بود و سال‌های انتخاب رشته، آماده شدن برای کنکور، فکر آینده و اینکه چه کاره دوست داریم بشیم و غیره. معلم‌ها یکی‌ از یکی‌ دلسوز تر هر کدوم نصایحی داشتند مادرانه. معلم عربی‌ میگفت اگر می‌خواهیم زندگی‌ خانوادگی خوبی‌ داشته باشیم و شوهر خوب، باید از خدا اینو بخواهیم و براش دعا کنیم و بیکار نشینیم.  بنده خدا لابد یک چیزی میدونسته که باید از اون موقع شروع به دعا کردن میکردیم، ما عقلمون نمیرسید. یک معلم دیگه داشتیم که معتقد بود تا ۲۵ سالگی هر کاری کردیم، کردیم، وگرنه دیگه هیچ کاری برای تغییر زندگیمون نمیتونیم بکنیم. به عقیده اون، زندگی‌ بعد از ۲۵ سالگی فقط ادامه یک زندگی‌ از قبل تعیین شده بود. و من همون موقع که به حرف هاش گوش میدادم براش متاسف بودم که خودش رو بعد از ۲۵ سالگی مرده حساب میکرد. یک ناظم هم داشتیم که هر وقت با بچه‌ها زنگ‌های تفریح یا وقتی‌ معلم نداشتیم کلاس و با آهنگ خوندن و بزن و برقص رو سرمون میذاشتیم می‌آمد  و بساطمونو  بهم میزد و میگفت خجالت نمیکشید؟ مادرهای شما سنّ شما بودند چند تا بچه قد و نیم قد داشتند و الوبل. و یکی‌ نبود بگه که نصف مادر‌های ما سنّ خودش هم که بودند مارو هنوز نداشتند.  حالا گیرم هم همونطور بود که اونها میگفتند،. چون مادرهای ما جوانی‌ نکردند و شادی نکردند، و در سنّ کم بچه دار شدند، ما هم باید مثل اونها زندگی‌ میکردیم؟ چرا همیشه باید احساس گناه از زنده بودن، شاد بودن، و پیشرفت کردن میکردیم؟ این احساس گناه دادن همیشه به جورهای مختلف بود. مثلا یک معلّم دیگه همیشه یاد آوری میکرد که درین اوضاع گرونی از لباس و خورد و خوراک و غیره ما سراپا خرج هستیم برای پدر و مادر هامون و به این دلیل باید قدرشون رو بدونیم و درس بخونیم (نه برای خودمون). انگار ما نامه و تقاضا داده بودیم که تورو خدا ما رو به دنیا بیارین. یک معلم جبر جوان داشتیم که یک بار درددل کرد که من از دانشگاه فلان آمریکا پذیرش داشتم و همه کارهام رو هم کرده بودم که برم، و روزی که میخواستم برم مادرم گریه کرد، و من به خاطر گریه مادرم نرفتم، و این به نظرش بهترین کاری بود که کرده بود.  منی که شاگردش بودم میخواستم بهش بگم هنوز دیر نشده، میتونی‌ بری، برو، و الا یک عمر حسرتش رو می‌خوری. خوب میای سر میزنی به مادرت، ویا اصلا میتونی‌ بعد که درست تموم شد برگردی.


و اما معلم فیزیکی‌ داشتیم جوان و قد بلند و قوی.  در طول سال حامله هم شد و تا روزهای آخر انگار نه انگار، میومد سر کلاس و با شور و حرارت به ما درس میداد. بعضی‌ وقت‌ها هم دستاشو میبرد پشت کمرش و شکم گرد و توپش رو  جلو میدادو از این طرف تخت سیاه به اون طرف راه میرفت، مثل اینکه یک مرتبه یادش اومده باشه که دکتر بهش گفته راه رفتن خوبه برات.  این معلم فیزیک توی حیر و ویر حاملگیش و آماده شدن همه ما برای کنکور در دبیرستان ما سمینار فیزیک راه انداخت. مفهوم سمینار و مقاله نوشتن  اون وقت برای ما پدیده خیلی‌ خیلی‌ جدیدی بود. اصلا بار اولی‌ بود که باید خودمون فکر میکردیم، می‌نوشتیم، و حرف میزدیم به جای اینکه مطلبی رو که از روی کتابی که همه میخونند پس بدیم.  بار اول بود که باید روی یک چیز علمی‌ که نه تو هیچ امتحانی میومد و نه نمره داشت و نه به درد کنکور میخورد کار میکردیم. باید فکر میکردیم دوست داریم راجع به چی‌ بیشتر بدونیم، یاد بگیریم، و روش وقت بذاریم. معلم ما هم زندگی‌ خانوادگیش رو داشت، هم کارش رو، و هم تسلیم روش‌های سنتی آموزش و پرورش نشده بود.  شرح وظایفش رو خودش برای خودش عوض کرده بود.  اینطوری خودش هم چیزهای جدید یاد می‌گرفت، علاوه بر اینکه به ما خیلی‌ چیزها یاد میداد. نمیدونم هیچ وقت اون معلم فیزیکم فکر میکرد که یکی‌ از شاگردهاش چطور از اون مقاله ائ‌ که نوشته بود توی مصاحبه کاریش با ناسا استفاده کرده بود وقتی‌ ازش پرسیدن آیا هیچ وقت اخبار و برنامه‌های ناسا رو دنبال میکرده؟ و اون با چه افتخاری داستان برخورد ستاره دنباله دار شمیکر-لوی ۹ با سیاره مشتری رو براشون تعریف کرده بود؟  که شاگردش تو خواب هم احتمال چنین اتفاقی رو نمی‌داد وقتی‌ برای ترجمه هر یک جمله متن‌های مربوطی که از روزنامه‌های آمریکا بریده شده بودند و با پست به دستش رسیده بودند ۵ دقیقه بین  دیکشنری‌های سنگین و بزرگ شنا میکرد؟ دلم میخواد ببینمش و بهش بگم. شاید هم خیلی‌ تعجب نکنه. هر چی‌ باشه اون دنیا و آینده ائ‌ رو برای ما میدید که خودمون برای خودمون نمیدیدیم. احتمالا معلمهای دیگه بیشتر تعجب میکنند که بدون شوهر و چند تا بچه قد و نیم قد هم زندگی‌ امکان پذیره.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a virtue.  People are often recommended to forgive others.  Usually in disputes, disagreements, fights between individuals or even societies, the side that is asked or encouraged to forgive thinks they are asked to do so for the sake of the other side.  After all, they are the one who is forgiving and the other side is the object of the act of being forgiven.  That is not the case though.  We do it for ourselves.  If we do not forgive and we hold grudges, we suffer.  We continue to let the other person have power and control over how we feel and live.  It is for our own peace of mind and well-being that we need to practice forgiveness.   Even after knowing this, some people choose to not forgive and be angry and mad at the other person.  Why would they do so if they know this decision would hurt themselves?  I think I know.  If they forgive the other person, they are acknowledging that their decision not to forgive  was wrong in the past, maybe for years.  They rather be loyal to their ego and not be proven wrong at the cost of their own happiness in the next minute, hour, days, and years to come.  If they forgive, it means they have lost days, months, years being angry before they forgave.  They rather not lose an angry past than gain a happy present and future.  So, they hold on to their grudges, and they get sadder, angrier, and more bitter as time passes them by, and it gets harder and harder to let go of what they had held on to for years.  Forgive sooner than later, it is much easier.  If it is late, forgive yourself for not realizing this earlier.  Better late than never.  Forgive yourself.

We do not need words.

Christopher is a cute three-and-a-half year old Polish boy with a funny hat.  He came and stood next to my seat and looked at me while sitting at a gathering.  Then, he started talking to me in Polish.  "No polska, angielski", I told him with a smile.  He did not mind, he kept talking to me in Polish.  I looked at his mother. She translated, "he wants to go to the garden with you". I laughed, and agreed, wondering how he chose me and came to me.  Seems like no matter where I go I have to spend time with the kids.  He was obviously thrilled, leading the way and constantly talking.  He knew I did not understand, his mother had told him, but he was telling me stories or something.  We went to the garden, and he points to the playground as he was still talking.  At the end of a sentence, he asked "Tak? Tak?", I agreed to take him to the play ground, "Tak!".  He uses a few English words he had learned in school, showing off his English.  Soon his dad came and I was relieved that I did not have to spend the whole day with him.  I went back to my table.  A while later, tea and desert was being severed.  There he appeared next to me again, with the same request, to go to the garden and playground with me.  "After I finish my tea", I told his mother to translate.  He went away as a sign of understanding and respecting my request.  He came and went three times before my tea was finished.  Kids are something.

The time for saying goodbyes arrived and little Christopher came and stood in front of me and stared at me.  I gave him a big kiss and said goodbye.  The grandmother of the family hugged me and kissed me so hard I felt her bony cheeks and my glasses came off.  "Do not damage her", my brother-in-law said.  "Everyone wants to kiss you", he joked.  Christopher's parents did not bring him to the wedding that followed that gathering, worried that I would have had to babysit him during the whole party.

Elizabetha is the mother of the groom, the lady of the family I was staying with. She knows Polish and Italian, and only a few words in English.  I know English and only a few broken words in Italian and Polish.   In the wedding, Christopher's mom wondered how I communicated with Elizabetha everyday at home.  I had to think to respond.  I was amazed I really did not have any problems communicating with her.  I could ask her what time we were leaving the house for a gathering by pointing to the clock and she would tell me the numbers, one for the hour, one for the minutes. We would have a coffee together at three p.m. every day.  I would ask her if my dress was appropriate for an occasion and she would tell me "formale", or "no formale" so that I know how formal the gathering was and how I should dress. When I was not sure about my appearance, she would reassure me "bene Nargess, bene".  We would even gossip after a party about the guests.  I would say the name of a lady and then ask her how old she was or how many kids she had.  "Christina.  Jasmine?", with Jasmine representing babies.  She would say "Uno", or "Tre".  She would ask me how well was the English of the people I talked to.  "Magda, English,  Bene?".  "Bene", I would say.  She would put food on the table for me and say "eat, Nargess, eat".  I even learned that she used to work in Italy and that is how she knows Italian, and that she likes Italy a lot.  She would ask me about my work and if I liked it or not.  All these without a full sentence in one language, rather by borrowing words from three different languages and pointing at things.  We even afforded to taarof a lot despite the language barriers, a tradition that Polish people share with Persians.  I learned it is more important that people be willing to learn about each other and listen to each other than really know the same language, for we always find a way to communicate if we wish to.  The day after the wedding, she missed her son. For the first time in twenty seven years he was not there and this time he was gone for good.  She broke to tears at breakfast table.  I reassured her he is still in Lublin, Poland. He is close, he comes to see her. "Lublin, no America", I told her as I gave her a kiss.  With her teary eyes she pointed to the telephone and told me "Nargess, Mama", asking me to call my mother.  A mother in Poland felt for a mother in Iran.  We talked together and felt together.  It was amazing. 

The day for saying goodbyes arrived and Elizabetta cried for my departure.  And for the first time after so many years, in fact since thirteen years ago when I left Iran for America, I cried when leaving for a trip

Torun

In the country of too many churches and John Paul the Pope, I took a three hour train from Warsaw to Torun to make one pilgrimage only: to the home of Mikolaj Kopernik.  A middle-aged lady was sitting across from me in the train, reading the paper over a cup of tea.  After a while, she took out her laptop and started working on it.  A scene I had not seen very often here.  She was entering some data from the daily paper into her computer.  When I needed a translator to talk with the conductor, she came to my rescue and we started talking after that.  Her English was very well.  I could tell she was highly educated and not an average Polish woman.  I learned that she worked in European Union and her job was to coach and consult entrepreneurs and businesses so that their businesses flourish and succeed.  She showed me a chart in the newspaper that had plotted PKBs of different countries.  "Do you know what it is (PKB)?", she asked.  "No", I responded.  It was the Polish abbreviation for Gross Domestic Product or GDP.  Poland was listed towards the end of that table and U.S. was ranked third.  "We are like a sleeping country", she said.  I nodded.  Maybe that is what the silence was, they were a sleeping country.  "At least you have made it to the list, there are many countries that are not in that table", I commented.  She mentioned that now EU is working hard so that Poland's economy booms because their economic condition affects that of the Europe.  She was being paid 600 zeloty per hour for her coaching classes, that is a little less than $200!  "That is a lot of money in Poland", she told me.  "That is a lot of money in the U.S. too", I responded surprisingly.

"Why Torun?", she asked me.  "Because of Nicholas Copernicus", I said.  "Then we take the taxi together, it is close to my office", she offered and I agreed.*  We had to cross the Vistula river.  The view of Torun from the other side of the river was breathtaking. "It is the most beautiful view in Poland", my new friend claimed. We soon arrived in the downtown area.  She did not let me pay.  We came out and she showed me her office.  It was called "Excellence Counseling".  "I am in the second floor", she said.  She gave me her phone number and asked me to call her if I had any problems.  She regretted that she had to teach a class otherwise she would show Torun to me.  She led the way to take me to my destination.  "I do not want to take your time, thanks for all your help thus far", I told her. "No, no", she laughed.  Literally two doors down the alley, we stopped.  She faced the house and presented to me "this is Copernicus house". 

Wow! I could not believe it, "You are neighbors with Nicholas Copernicus!".  How nice and odd it was to sit in front of her in the train who not only spoke good English but was so kind and was also going exactly to where I wanted to go.  I thanked her and we departed.  I could not wait to enter the Kopernika Dom. Kopernika's Dom was large by today's standards.  He was from a well-off family.  He was not just an astronomer.  He had studied medicine, bought and sold properties, and wrote on economics as well.  He had translated poems from Greek to Latin.  There were hand-written recipes of different dishes written on pages of some of his books.  He was a well-rounded man, living a good life.  There were tools by which he had measured the distance of the moon from earth and its position, tools for determining sun's position, etc.  I did not learn about his personal life.  Did he ever marry and had kids? I have to find out.  Rumor has it that he also was a priest and for this reason he did not marry.  Being a priest did not mean just being religious in ancient Poland, rather belonging to a highly educated class of people and having access to more opportunities.  Some disagree with this claim that he was a priest and say the mistake initiated when Galileo first referred to him as such in a letter.  I did not see anything approving this claim in his Dom, and honestly I find it hard to believe, or rather prefer to think he was not a priest.  There was a letter signed by Chopin framed on a wall.  It was in Polish.  I pleaded to one of the guides to tell me what it was about.  With his broken English he told me it was a letter Chopin had written to his friends about his visit to Torun, about Kopernika, and about the ginger bread that is famous in Torun.  It has a secret recipe that has been passed through generations.

There were thick copies of Kopernika's book there, including his famous De revolutionibus orbium coelestium (On the Revolutions of the Celestial Spheres) that changed our view of the solar system and our position in it.  There was Galileo's dissertation proving Copernicus observations and claims.  There were records of the houses Kopernika had bought and sold.  His admission letter to a university in Krakow.  There was also his doctorate degree, and the surprising part was that it was smaller than any other document there.  Family trees and records, property records, etc were all written on long nice papers with a sense of formality.  The doctorate diploma was on a very small piece of paper that seemed to have been cut from a larger paper. Did it mean ownership of properties and family heritage were considered more significant than having a high degree?   That would not surprise me as there are many who belong to this school of thought even in our era.

Torun was happy and lively, yet calm and peaceful.  Music was being played in down town area around Kopernika's statue, where different groups of school students would come and go to take pictures with.  There were many pigeons being fed by tourists.  Small kids would run after them and play with them.

There was another famous ancient building with nice design in Torun called the Star building.  I knew there was a museum inside it.  I assumed it had to do something with astronomy, Kopernika, or Torun.  I went inside and to my surprise it was an oriental museum with ancient things from China and Mongolia.  I was surprised to see things from that part of the world there.  An old world traveler/dealer had apparently brought them to Torun.  I made a quick round and as I was leaving, the lady who worked there pointed to me that there is also a basement.  Trying to be polite, I went down.  Then, I saw battle tools from Persia, helmets,  axes, and shields were titled with their Persian names "Kolachood", "Tabar", and "Separ".  That was the last thing I expected to see there, who would have thought?  Behind every door a world of mysteries and surprises is hidden, and one won't know about them until s/he opens the doors and step in. 

Finally, I found myself at the bank of the Vistula river with beautiful flowers.  A perfect place to sit and reflect on my journey and to relax.

* Later I was blamed for being so naive and sharing a ride with a stranger, and that I could have been kidnapped by my daring Iranian family.  The fact that it was an official 'Taxi' did not convince them either, it could have all been a set up.  I was quickly shut up before I could start to tell the story of who I met and how nice she was and what she did for a living.  They never heard my story, and probably many more ones.  How easy it is to close our eyes and hearts and miss out on so many things because we let fear take over.  Funny part is I always considered myself too cautious and never bold. Is it that no matter how capable we Iranian women become, our compatriats rather think of us as naive and gullible ones rather than worldy, capable, and sociable ones?

Poland: First Impressions

Poland is a quiet and peaceful country, beautiful too. Even in the most crowded places all you hear is the friction of people's shoes or luggage with the ground.  There is no noise pollution, just natural voices and sounds.  Loud speakers are not loud enough for me. I have to tune in carefully to grasp the train announcements.

There are too many churches in every corner, and they are not just historic or cultural sites.  People are truly religious here.  Every major street of any city is called Al. Jana Pawla II (John Paul Second) after the Polish Pope.  People stop at the churches on their way to home, work, or groceries, kneel down, say a prayer, shed some tear drops at times, and leave.  The silence in the church is usually too heavy, too spiritual, easily capable of breaking one down to tears should you stay there long enough.  Some churches were hospitals during world war II.  Some were ruined during that era and have been rebuilt.  Maybe it is the spirit of all the wounded, killed, painful memories, that contributes to the heavy silence.  I feel like they hear my every breath in the churches, I do not dare to click on my camera for a photo, I walk as slowly as possible not to interrupt their prayers. During communist era, Polish people could not express their religion and pray freely.  So, being religious was a rebel against government.  Being religious was being in opposition, being part of the uprising movement, in contrast to the current situation of Iran's government at surface.  Now Poland proudly celebrates this right and freedom to worship and be religious. Sunday masses, or any day masses for that matter, are crowded and a testimony to this celebration. Songs and prayers are soothing and nice.  They say prayers, knee down, pray some more, at the end greet their neighbors with whom they were sharing the pew by shaking hands.  At the end, some money for the church is also collected. There is a special mass for children, giving them religious education, with the priest asking them questions and encouraging them to go forward and join the discussion by throwing some coins in the air for them to come and collect.

There are reminders of war everywhere.  Statues of unknown soldiers in every corner, and almost all of them are always decorated with fresh flowers.  The war might be over, the communist era might be gone, but there is no way you can forget what this country has gone through if you walk in any street in Poland.

I have not figured out the silence here yet:  is it due to them being peaceful and spiritual, or are they going through a depression and grieving period as a society because of all they have gone through during World War II?  Are they simply happy and content with their lives, or does their silence signals indifference, lack of ambition and goals?  Is it the result of the communist era and them not being used to expressing themselves loudly and clearly, always being cautious?  Or is it simply the fact that cities here are not as densely populated as other large famous cities?  After all, Warsaw's population is 1.7  million people only.  Or have I got too used to the wild wild west?  I do not know.  Maybe all of the above.

I am not complaining about the dominant peace and quiet.  It is very soothing and pleasant.  In fact, I appreciate it very much considering how I always dislike loud TVs, loud radios, and in general too much noise in the U.S.  Their peacefulness and kindness radiates and transfers to me and gives me a calm feeling.  It is just enigmatic.

آب و ماه

 Image courtesy of NASA from here.

ماه به كمال مى رسد

آب به اوج مى رود

ماه نهان مى شود

آب فرو مى رود

تا كه ظهور نو كند

بحر غمين مى شود

ماه ظهور مى كند

آب قيام مى كند

اين قصه تكرار مى شود

هر شب و روز اندكى

هر ماه بيشتركى

آب نمى آموزد

هر روز مى هراسد

هر شب به شوق مى آيد

ماه خبر ندارد

Free like a bird

She could have had her lovebird in a cage,
All to herself,
Singing her love songs everyday.
Or she could have taken shelter in a cage herself,
Staying away from all the storms and blizzards,
Had she played by the rules,
Singing a song or two everyday.

How could she enjoy that though?
When she could feel the bird's desire to fly?
Or when she could see the cage?
What sense would that make?
When she already knew what it is like,
To fly through mountains, thunders, and rains,
Before delivering her song at the perfect time and place?
Or to hear a song, worthy of the hardships of the way?

Lovebirds in cages were not her dream
But those flying back home freely,
Time after time,
For they could not wait,
To sing their latest songs.

Playing his game, his way.

He designed a convoluted chess game, and made all its rules.  He thought he will always be the one making the checkmate call.  He never realized someone else would learn and dare to play along for so long, let alone training machines to be the best world known players of it.  He never wanted to play chess after all.  He wanted to start playing a game whenever he wished, and end it whenever he wished.  Being exhausted of playing the longest game ever, he finally announced to his playmate "I do not want to play anymore".  His wish was granted, but he never looked at his own game the same way any longer.

An Hour with the STS-132 Crew

Last Thursday became a very memorable day, since I attended our center's event for honoring and welcoming the STS-132 , Atlantis's Final mission, crew. Yes, I was in the audience here. It was not the first time I heard a crew talk about their experience soon after they did a spectacular job, but this crew definitely stood out among my previous memories of such events. They were unbelievably funny and joyful. They cracked up the audience. If it were not for their suits and we did not know any better, one could think we were attending a stand up comedy show, a very good and scientific one!

Forget about not being too formal to refer to themselves as captain this or commander that with their last names, they were even beyond the first name basis.  They all had special funny nicknames for each other, most of which I forgot by now. They had made a nice movie of their adventure, from before they launched, till the launch moment, during the mission and spacewalk, and finally of coming back to the Earth.  They had upbeat rock and roll songs for the launch and landing section and had a dramatic change to a slow romantic piano song when they were floating and dancing in the shuttle in space.  They mentioned there are three things that kids get excited about: rock and roll, space exploration, and dinosaurs.   We incorporated the first two in our movie and we brought a dinosaur with ourselves instead.  They were talking about their oldest crew member Dr. Sellers.  He was originally British with a nice accent, but he is more special to us because he had worked at Goddard as a research scientist before becoming an astronaut.  Poor guy was attacked by his teammates for his accent, for being a doctor, and for his age.  They were having more fun than us.  It was then that I realized I pronounce our center's name the British way like him: "God - aaard",  they made fun of him each time he was going to use the word, as opposed to "God- erd", the American way.  Hmm... now I had two, no three things in common with Dr. Sellers: we were both doctors, worked at Goddard, and pronounced the center's name the same way.  Maybe I should fill out that astronaut application.  After all, I am probably around the same age when he started!  At the end of the presentation an audience asked Dr. Sellers "How did you transition from being a research scientist to being an astronaut?", to which one of his crew members immediately responded "very badly!".

They started by asking how many of us have seen a shuttle launch on TV, almost everyone in the room raised their hands.  "How many have seen one from the Cape in Florida", more than half of the room raised their hand, proudly I should say (ahem, ahem).  Surprised and threatened that maybe they are not that unique any more, he continued "How many have ridden one during a launch?"  Yes, they won. Dominic Antonelli, the pilot, wanted to share his feelings during the launch.  "It is an amazing feeling, very hard to describe", he mentioned.  "The closest explanation I have found for it is it is like being on top of a rocket"!  He was commended by his team members for keeping the toilet on the shuttle very clean all the time!

Then, there was astronaut Garrett Reisman, significantly shorter than the rest (well, I am finding more and more common features with astronauts).  So, other tall handsome astronauts made fun of his height.  Apparently earlier that week the crew had visited President Obama in the Oval Office, where the crew made fun of his height in front of the president, yes in the Oval Office!  Apparently president Obama had told them to "knock it off guys"!  The happy Garrett continued by reminding us that ever since then whenever these guys make fun of my height, they are in direct violation of a presidential order.  It was not just his height he was famous for, but his strength and power.  The video of how he installed a huge Satellite dish on the ISS was amazing; yes, we all know things are weightless in space, but fighting that also requires a lot of power.  He mentioned with the shuttle program ending, and now that we have experience installing dishes, we are sending our resumes to the cable and satellite companies.  You can call us 9 to 5 and we come to your house and install your TV satellite dish!  It was not long before he was almost done with his presentation that he pleaded to the audience "can someone please call the White House?"

Then, there was Mission Specialist Michael Good, who was most proud of being the only one among his crew members who served on the last Hubble Servicing Mission (SM4).  He was having the time of his life being at the home of Hubble where SM4 was supported.  It was like being in a pep rally.  Every time he mentioned Hubble, we clapped. Finally, it was time for him to do the honor of awarding the Silver Snoopy Award.  Two employees were awarded for their extraordinary service.   One of them was so special to Mike Good, because it was awarded to Dr. Lisa Mazzuca for her handling all the Integration and Test tasks for SM4, for which she was Snooped very carefully.  As her name was called, I was thrilled.  We have been working on the same proposal with a mutual colleague, and I could not have thought of a better occasion to meet her for the first time.  I wished right there and then that our proposal gets accepted because I cannot wait to start working with her.

It was one of the best one-hours of my life.  I left pumped with joy, optimism, hope, thinking anything is possible and I could move mountains.  It is amazing how much positive energy you can get in one hour.  May the Shuttle Program get extended, or the Constellation Program be resumed.  We shall continue.

Lessons Learned? Really?

"Learn from the mistakes of others- you can never live long enough to make them all yourself."

John Luther

Throughout centuries, we humans have evolved in so many ways: physically, emotionally, socially, technically, etc. We have done so to meet our needs and handle natural disasters. We have managed to travel long distances, supply food to the most remote places, and collaborate for the exchange of services. We have learned a lot to get to this point, about ourselves, our relationships with others, our planet, our universe, and mainly how to preserve and communicate what we have learned before. For example, after Newton discovered gravity and his results were accepted in the scientific community, next generations' physicists, continued working from his premises. It does not mean that they took the results and theories of the past as the whole unquestionable truth. Rather they did not cycle through the same old thought processes that failed over and over. They identified when a theory of the past would fail, or provided proofs in support of them. Physicists after Newton kept finding pitfalls of his theories and tried to find better ones that addressed those shortcomings. Or, Copernicus gave a theory that Sun is the center of our planetary system not the Earth. Later, Galileo was punished for making observations that proved this theory and he had to live in house arrest because he did not agree with the Church's idea on the subject. Physicists today do not start from scratch and prove all the theorems that were proven before or find away to prove the ones that were refuted in the past. Of course having an understanding of the methodology and the thinking process that led them to those results is helpful for making future discoveries, but we simply cannot afford to learn everything from scratch for ourselves.

What puzzles me is that while the fact that we have to benefit from our past generations' knowledge and experiences in physics, math, medicine, etc, is widely practiced and accepted among humans, when it comes to our personal lives, choices we make to lead our day to day activities, we question and experience every different way of having a quality life. For example, it has taken generations to establish and institutionalize service providers for health care in hospitals or education in schools and universities. Now, many parents question all the past experiences and humans progress for developing good educational systems; they home school their kids during the times that we are more than ever connected to other humans across the globe. Similarly, many people go through a lengthy trial and error process to determine what is the best way to earn a living, spend the hours in a day, etc. It is as if one day, they become like Thales, thinking maybe he was right and everything is made of water. The next day, they become Anaximenes thinking everything is made of air, then they make their way through earth and fire, and eventually to atoms, quarks, and the string theory, and later M-theory. They question the concept of exchanging goods and services via a monetary system that was created and practiced since the early civilizations thousands of years ago. They end up having all sorts of revolutionary ideas about how they think would be the best way to live their lives, forgetting that through out the history, people advanced in making things, establishing organizations and institutions, to be at their service, to facilitate satisfying those needs, and thus free up more of our time and resources instead of wasting them on doing the most basic and simple things because we have to learn the lessons by ourselves. Why do we ignore all the lessons that have been passed to us through generations? Do we go back to make a phone call to a central system and ask an operator to dial it for us instead of using our wireless phones? Why do we have to go back thinking we can live without schools, enough money, social interactions, cultural exchanges; without good nutrition, sleep, giving and receiving emotions? So often, people spend so much time, effort, and energy trying to fight or ignore the outcomes of civilizations and humanity, that they forget why they chose to do so to begin with. Years may pass and then they may come to the conclusion that it would have been nice to have a stable shelter or the ability to obtain one, have the ability and freedom to travel, have insurance, etc. Why do we tend to ignore all the past experiences and lessons learned of our ancestors when it comes to conducting our personal ways of life?

You can run, but you cannot hide!

Negar was waiting in Dulles airport for arrival of a family member. All of a sudden, she felt the weight of someone's stare on her back. Those that make you naturally turn back to look. She saw her. Was it her? It has been about six years since the last time she saw Naima. She was not sure. She turned back quickly. They were checking each other out for a while from a distance. Both of them were not sure and their uncertainty and doubt itself reassured them they must be right in recognizing each other. Negar checked the announcement board. A flight from Saudi Arabia had just landed. It must be her, waiting for a family member, she concluded.

Naima was cute and flirtatious in graduate school. She used to wear clothes in see-through fabrics, short cuts, showing a decent amount of skin. She had created such a soap opera in a male dominant department. She used to go out with different guys, break up with each after a short period, and use the next one to make the previous one jealous. There was a tense atmosphere every time she entered a lounge or classroom. Soon she started having problems with her adviser. A department staff, an old lover of hers who was heart broken, quit his position after many years of service. Soon, it was not her place to stay anymore either. She left the program with a Masters, accepting a job that could sponsor her work visa.

Now, six years later she was in a colorful scarf, jeans, and a nice long sleeve shirt. Later at home, Negar googled Naima. Yes, there she was at the most prestigious technical university of the U.S., as part of a program for empowering Saudi women. Her photo shows her in Islamic cover. Negar tried hard not to judge her. Maybe she is truly religious now. Maybe she does not care for a prestigious certificate and high paying position in Saudi Arabia. Maybe she does. Why should she care? Ah, she remembered. Her heart was among the many hearts Naima had stepped on while trying to climb a mountain. Negar had forgotten all about that. She must have gotten a whole new heart. One that Naima cannot break or touch anymore. How good it had felt passing her by freer than ever.

Apple*

A ball of red or a
Piece of fruit
Placed in bowl
Left on a table for
Everyone to share.

* Natalie's first poem, for which she won an award in a competition. Her aunt is proud of her. I asked her to send me her poem. So, she did. She wrote at the end "show them my poem". So, I did. I do not know who she meant by "them", maybe she knows about this blog, or that I talk about my nieces to my friends. Kids are smart and feel everything anyways.

Be right or happy? Do we have to choose?

"Whose side are you on?", "Do not take his/her side!", are commonly heard among lovers, friends, or family members, when one person has a different opinion or belief from the other one. There are many people who confuse love and support with being in agreement all the time, and I am not just talking about having different opinions about different topics. No, sometimes people want you to deny facts, pure logic, just to prove your love and support!

For example, if you know the meaning of a word that they think it means the exact opposite thing from what it really does, they want you to believe them. Even if in private, not in front of a crowd, you open the dictionary to teach them something new, they take it as a personal attack as opposed to you wanting them to know the correct meaning, not wanting them to be humiliated by using or understanding the word in its opposite meaning. They rather not know it than to learn it from you. They do not see it as a learning experience, rather you proving them wrong. There are other forms of support people seek in order for you to prove your love. They may not want you to socialize with a particular friend or family member just because they do not like him/her, or that they see them as a treat to the relationship they are having with you.

There are not that many people who make a stance for logic, truth, honesty, and doing what is right. What hurts is that often times a person knows they are taking a wrong or illogical stance, but they do it anyways to make the other person happy. As Dr. Phil says: "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?". I agree so many things are worthless to argue about, and after all life is too short to spend it arguing. But why do people have to lie, or act the way they do not approve of deep inside, to be happy? Who says there has to be a choice? Does it mean we cannot be our true selves and be happy in a relationship? Why cannot we be open to the idea of learning from each other and value growing in our relationships instead of thinking the other person is putting us down, or trying to prove us wrong just by knowing something we do not, or by having a different opinion? Why people have such big egos, and are always on the defensive side, taking everything as personal attacks?

Then, there are these rare jewels who respect logic, honesty, and doing the right thing. They are open to learning experiences and you learn a lot from them too. If you are lucky enough to have such people in your life, do not let go of them. I have a few, and chances are if you cannot get rid of me, you are one of those people. I thank you for giving hope to humanity!

اشتباه گرفتید!

در خانه عموی خدا بیامرز من، خانم اسپانیشی کار میکرد. یک بار تلفن رو گویا جواب داده بوده، و کسی‌ سراغ علی‌ که عموی من بوده باشه رو گرفته بوده. این خانم هم گفته بوده که شما شماره رو اشتباه گرفتید و اینجا چنین کسی‌ نداریم. بعد خانم عموی من که متوجه می‌شه، میگه چرا نداریم، خوب با شوهر من کار داشتند. این خانم اسپانیش هم میگه، نه اسم شوهر تو که علی‌ نیست، هیچ وقت به این اسم صداش نمیکنی‌. مگه اسمش "میگما" نیست؟ بله، از آنجایی که خانم عموی من همیشه با یک "میگما آا‌"ی کش دار شروع به حرف زدن با عموی من میکرد، اسم عموی من در ذهن این خانم اسپانیش، "میگما" بوده!

Our One and Only Earth!

Last winter:
Three back to back record breaking blizzards over the past hundred years.
Heating shelters for those without heaters across the cities.
Roof collapses.
Power outages.
Fallen trees.
Over a week of closed businesses and schools.
Millions of dollars of budget deficit for states because of snow removals.
Stuck ambulances, fire trucks, power repair personnel.

This summer, before the first month is over:
Three consecutive days of record breaking temperatures above 100 degrees.
Two consecutive water main breaks in the same city.
Amtrak slowing down the trains for fear of the rails reaching dangerously high temperatures that can affect the performance of the trains.
Cooling centers across the cities for people without air conditioning.

No, nothing is happening to our Earth.
There is no global warming,
No climate change,
Everything is safe and sound.
No need to recycle, conserve energy, turn off the extra lights,
In fact, we even afford to spill some oil over the ocean,
Maybe we manage to interrupt the ocean's natural current,
We will either freeze Europe,
Or raise the ocean's temperature here,
And have ourselves many more hurricanes.
Would not that be cool?

No worries, we are all safe and sound,
I just do not know what kind of Earth we will have,
Not for the next generations,
But for myself,
In the next year, and the one following that, and the next!

Tough Decisions!

There are times in our lives when we have to make some tough decisions. At least they seem tough at the time. Maybe because it is the first time we are encountering that situation. Maybe because we are asked to give up something precious to us, be it our time, money, job, location, doing something we enjoy, someone's company, etc. We wish we never had to be in a position to have to make such choices. We may go through all sorts of emotions, changing our minds back and forth about what we will end up doing. After it is all done and gone, in retrospective we may realize it was not really hard to decide. At the end, when it is only between our own selves, it seems like we almost always knew the answer: just do what is right. It is that simple. Do what is right to you, not what others want you to believe is right, or at least what you believe is right given all you know. If you think you do not have enough information to decipher right from wrong, start gathering information. Research. Then, do what you believe is right. Be willing to pay the price for doing the right thing. You know you won't be at peace with yourself if you do otherwise. You know you do not want to linger this state of suspense to the rest of your life, regretting what you did in the past, wondering what if you had done otherwise. Do what is right. It is that simple.

A Smiley Heart , Behind A Smiley Face!

It was a busy day, full of meetings. I hardly could sit and concentrate on doing work. We also had our annual community day, with different activities and festivities. The weather was a record breaking 100 degrees. I probably could not walk much even if I wanted. I saw a boot with a long line. People were waiting to get the autograph of an astronaut. I saw our secretary in line. "I have only 5 minutes till my next meeting", I said sadly to her. "I can get you an autograph if you like", she says. "Sure, thank you!", and I left happily.

Our secretary is in her early twenties. She takes care of all our administrative needs. She books our flights and hotels, takes care of their reimbursements, and fills out all sorts of forms for different things. Next week she is getting married. Some colleagues were planning to collect money to get her a gift.

I went and made my contribution and signed the card after my meeting. "Do you know what you are going to get her?", I asked the lady who was collecting the money. "I think we are just going to give her the cash", she replied. Then, she went on explaining how our secretary had told her she wanted to stay in a nice hotel on her wedding night but it was too expensive for her. It was heartbreaking. I felt so bad having given her the receipts for my most recent trip before she takes off for her wedding. I felt bad because she always does her best to make us happy, without any sad or negative feelings. You would have never guessed her situation from her positive attitude and always-smiley face. There I was staying at the nicest hotel for four nights for work and she could not afford to do so at her own wedding night. I could not resist increasing my contribution after hearing her sad story, wishing her her dream wedding night.

I was in these thoughts that my phone rang. "Hi, I got you that autograph you wanted, it is in your mailbox!". I go and pick it up. She even made him spell my unusual name. It tells me "Reach for your star!".

يك پروژه دشوار!

يك ماه از باز شدن استخر خونم گذشته و من هنوز نتونستم برم شنا. اول كارت عبورم نيومده بود. بعد از تماس با شركت مجتمع و رفع مشكل ادارى اومد. بعد من سفر بودم. آخر هفته قبل هم سرگرم فاميل و مسافر ها بودم. ديروز عزمم رو جزم كرده بودم كه حتما بعد از كار ميرم استخر. حتى لباس و حولم رو هم اماده گذاشته بودم كه وقتى از كار ميام معطل نشم. شانس ما ديروز بارون زد، چه بارونى. گفتم عيب نداره، فردا ميرم، كه امروز بوده باشه. از خونه خوشحال زدم بيرون و به سمت استخر قدم ميزدم كه يكى از همسايه ها رو ديدم و پرسيد: "دارى ميرى استخر؟." گفتم آره. گفت بستنش كه تميزش كنن، يك بچه مثل اينكه توش خرابكارى كرده. باورم نميشد. به قول يكى از دوستام اين قانون مرفيز هميشه پاچه مارو ميگيره. حالا تا فردا خدا بزرگه!

Border

It is an imaginary line,
Dividing a surface to two areas: A and B.
You may be considered a friend in one area and a foe in another.
Getting from A to B might be very different from getting from B to A.
As soon as you cross this imaginary line,
The main language may change,
The traditions, and many other things.

Humans made these imaginary lines.
They are called borders.
At least those are well defined, usually.
There are rules about them.
As long as you inquire about them,
And follow them,
You will be fine.

Humans are good at making these imaginary lines.
Most of them are invisible though.
You do not know the rules that applies to them.
There are many invisible borders for every single person.
As soon as you cross those lines,
Sometimes without knowing,
You will be deported from that person's mind, heart, or life.

So, people try to be considerate of those they care about,
Not to cross any prohibited borders,
Not to be deported.

But do we really want to live such a terrified life?
Do not we wish to be in the same territory with them,
Or know what the expectations are?
Maybe we can first make those lines visible,
Before attempting to broaden our safe zone,
Before trying to eliminate borders.

Maybe, maybe one day,
The other side lifts some bans too.
Maybe they let us in,
After we took permissions and showed our credentials.
We may be proven trustworthy enough.
Who knows, they may make an exception just for us.

Then little by little,
We push our boundaries,
Expand our horizons,
Live more freely.

Bloody difference

He yells, he yells back.
He curses, he curses back.
He punches, he punches back.
He kills, he kills back.
They both say they are very different from each other.
So different that it is worth dying for.

Humans are smart

Humans are smart.
They break all sorts of distance and space limitations.
They can see surfaces as far as mars.
They will reach Pluto, even if it takes nine years of traveling in space.
They can hardly break the distance among themselves though.
Even if they are sitting next to each other.

Humans are smart.
They design algorithms for extracting fonts from crowded pictures,
To extract facial expressions, gestures, guess behaviors and actions.
They do not know what to do with this information though,
When they acquire it with their own eyes, ears, and hearts.
In fact, they perform worse than their own algorithms.
They pass each other by all the time.

Yes, humans are smart.

What is a person to do? Speak up, keep quiet, or disappear?

A close family member or friend is making a wrong decision, doing the wrong thing, walking on the roof of a very high building and you see s/he is going to fall down shortly unless you stop them. So, you tell them, you warn them, you try to open their eyes. It is clear like day light to you they are going to fall, it is not a matter of opinion or perspective. The response you get is "you are supposed to support me, say keep going, how can I help you walk faster to reach your destination?". But you cannot provide that support. It is wrong, immoral, against your beliefs and principles. You cannot keep quiet either for it would be tacit approval of what they are doing and later you may blame yourself for the consequences. What should one do in this situation? Keep a distance so that you never see that person walking to the edge and falling, or keep talking and have continuous tension and stress and arguments with that person? What is a person to do?

Different Communication Styles Between Genders

The TMT class that I attended last month, started with a one hour video. The video was titled "The Power Dead Even Rule" by Dr. Heim. It was about how differently men and women communicate based on different invisible gender cultures since they grew up differently. For example, boys traditionally grew up playing games that have winners and losers. They are used to winning and losing. Women, on the other hand, do not care much for winning. After all, when playing with dolls, or playing games in which one is a teacher, doctor, mom, etc, it is hard to have winners and losers. I summarize some of what I have learned from this video as much as my memory helps. Note that there are always individuals who behave differently from the majority, but the speaker claims on average most men and women communicate as she explained.

1) Men are goal-oriented while women are process-oriented.

Suppose two employees have been given an assignment to evaluate several options and make their final recommendation to a board. If the employee is a female, she will most likely present her decision as follows: "I considered option A, but I do not think it is a good choice for reasons x, y, z. I also studied option B, but for reasons e, f, g, I dismissed it...., Therefore, I recommend option E". Men in the meeting will most likely think "when are we getting to the bottom of this, does she have a point?, etc". If the employee is a male, he most likely presents his decision like this: "I recommend option E". If asked why, then he justifies his choice.

A wife asks her husband which dress looks better on her. He says the one on the left! She feels dismissed. She does not need a final answer, she needs a discussion about why the one on the left and not the one on the right. So, she asks another question. He gives another one word answer. The man thinks like a hunter. He has been asked to solve a problem, he killed the dress. He is asked another question, he kills that too. He is solving problems one after another and she is not happy.

2) Men live in a hierarchical world and women live in a flat one.
Men accept hierarchies and their position and role within that hierarchy. Women regardless of their position try to flatten the hierarchy and build relationships. They expect this cultural flatness in their communications too. This is what Dr. Heim refers to as Power Dead Even Rule.

If a male boss tells a male employee "I need this report by tomorrow at my desk", he has no problem with it. If the boss, even a female one, says the same thing to a female employee, she thinks "who the hell s/he thinks s/he is?". Well, s/he is your boss! A female boss is more likely to exchange some greetings first, ask about how the employee is doing, and after building some relationship she would go, "By the way, I really appreciate it if I could have this report at my desk by tomorrow". A female employee will most likely get the report done by tomorrow, a male employee have heard everything the female boss said as "optional", for if it was urgent she would not be so nice and polite. The female has to struggle to make the request as dry and formal and ordering as possible for a male to feel its urgency, otherwise all he hears is "optional". For women, this is how all requests should be made, within some context, not out of the blue, nicely and politely. Women want to distribute the power evenly and thus it is hard to for them to talk within a hierarchy as their role in that hierarchy suggests they should.

Several other gender differences in communication were discussed, which you can read about them here. These differences show up in so many different contexts. In negotiations, women choose an option that makes everyone happy to some extent. They look for a win-win solution. They do not want to ruin any relationships. Men, look at the best option possible, a win-lose option, to take the most out of a deal. Similarly, women tend to avoid conflict and try to have a nice relationship with everyone while men take more risks.

Neither of these communication style are necessarily right or wrong in all situations. Rather being aware of these gender differences in communication styles help us communicate more effectively with each other.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

The story of the "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly", based on a true story, is a moving one to say the least in so many different aspects, mainly in conveying the power of love, dedication, and patience. I have not read the book, but saw the movie a long time ago. I highly recommend it.

I do not want to give away the main story, rather just this very emotional scene, which I think easily brings tears to a woman's eyes. The main character is in the hospital and newly paralyzed. His lover, the mother of his kids, is at his bedside daily taking care of him. He does not care much for her though. He is waiting for the woman who he loves to visit him. She never does. His lover realizes this at his bed, feeds him while tears are covering her face.

How blind love makes us all, how blind.

دل به دل راه داره

هى به ما گفتن دل به دل راه داره. يادشون رفت بگن جادش لزوما دو طرفه نيست. چرا آخه دل مردم و خوش ميكنين؟ پس فردا كه چپ و راست تو اين جاده ها تصادف شد، شما مياين خرده شيشه هاى دلهاى شكسته رو جمع ميكنين؟

The Enigma of Survival

There are so many reminders every day about how fragile we human beings are.   When faced with life events, sometimes you wonder how much more as an individual or as a human on this planet can you really take?  We face diseases, car accidents, plane crashes, tsunamis, earthquakes, heartbreaks, loss of lives of dear ones,  volcanoes, oil spills, mine collapses, water leaks, explosions, wars, political turmoils, ..., the list goes on.  What keeps us going despite all this?  How is it even statistically possible for us to live as long as we do, or to be willing to carry on day after day?  I am baffled. As long as we are alive, we almost always seem to get passed different crisis somehow.  I look back at those times in my own life.  As alone as I might have felt during hard times, it must have been really for the people in my life who kept me sane.  Those who were there just to listen, to visit, to simply be there.  Maybe, that is what makes all the difference: being connected to other human beings.  We need to be kind to each other.  We simply won't survive otherwise.

معجزه صبح

سكوت دلنشين صبح كه با آواز گنجشكان روى درختان بهارى شكسته ميشود، نان و پنير و چايى شيرين، تصور اينكه امروز همه چيز امكان پذير است، اميد برخواستن روز بعد و روز هاى بعد را پس از هر شب تاريك و خسته ميدهد.  تا فردايى هست،  همه چيز ممكن هست.

Irony

They have two young kids.  They have been living in the U.S., Bahrain, and Dubai during the last six years due to the husband's job.  He likes seizing new opportunities and living in different countries.  She does not think this is a good way to raise kids.  She does not like her kids to be brought up in Dubai, a business oriented Arab county with little support for the family structure of immigrants, with cultural values that does not match hers.  She is tired of moving every 2-3 years. She wants to settle down, establish a home and grow her kids in one place, maybe close to friends and family or at least in a place she approves of better.  The husband has no intention of wanting to stay in one place.  So, this is it.  She asks for divorce and she gets it.  She moves to Maryland with her two kids and gets a good job.  The husband wanting to see his kids twice a week gets a faculty position in Delaware, only two hours away. He is not moving anymore. He is staying close to his kids with his new wife.
---------------------------------
He does not have a college degree.  He works hard and gets paid hourly.  She has a masters.  She thinks if they want to start a family and have kids, it would be better if he had a formal education and a secure job.  He is encouraged to go back to school.  He does. All of a sudden he sees so many doors opening to him.  Now he wants to go get a PhD wherever he gets admitted.  He does not care if she can come or not.  It is not us anymore, it is what I want to do.  Only if she knew what she was asking for.
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They have been together for three years in Tennessee.  They do not like it there.  They think people there are not receptive to immigrants.  They consider them close-minded.  She is Asian ad he is Persian. They get their PhDs and are very happy to have both found jobs in D.C., a very diverse city where they will be more accepted.  He is now exposed to so many Persian events and gatherings and realizes he wants to have a Persian partner.  I bet she wishes they were in Tennessee now.

صوفى

صوفى جان،

خوش آمدى به دنياى ما.  شنيدم كه خيلى هول بودى. خب آخه حق دارى، حتما بيشتر از اين نميتونستى صبر كنى كه مامان بابات رو ببينى.  يادت باشه بزرگ كه شدى من خيلى اطلاعات ارزشمند در باره مامانت ميتونم بهت بدم!  ;-)

خاله نرگس.

Theory of Love in Practice

"One cannot hold one's love against them", was a quote in a recent movie I saw.
Nor can one hold the very same qualities that you love about someone against that person, I am beginning to find out.  In theory, these make sense.  In practice, they are very hard to implement, if at times not impossible.

TMT: Orientation.

I have a one week intense training coming up in a week.  It is called Technical Management Training (TMT) designed to give an overview of the whole mission/project life cycle at NASA and to prepare future NASA leaders.  It is held twice a year at NASA facility in Wallops Island, VA, where it is famous for its hot summers, mosquitoes, rockets, and balloons.  Last week, we had our orientation.

The agenda is daunting: our days are planned from 8 am to 8:45 pm.  Topics look exciting.  I admire the level of detail at which everything is planned.  We just cannot help it, it is how we get things done. Whether it is a satellite we are launching or a seminar we are organizing, we plan and schedule everything with back up plans for different possible scenarios.  This is mainly why the chaotic life outside work is at times hard.   Our coordinator even reminded us about what types of clothes we need to bring, what will or will not be available in our dorms, that we wear our badges on the bus and not put it in your handbag just so that it does not take too long for us to pass the security check!  I mean how long would it take to take out our badges from our purse/bag?  They have printed car notices so that our cars don't get towed when left on center for a week.  They have printed cafeteria menu of Wallops, reminded everyone if you have religious or dietary restriction that are not taken into account to call the chef, the phone number is there, what should be done if we needed medical care and attention, what if an emergency occurred, etc.  The Director of Engineering attends all sessions every time the course is offered and fills in for any instructor who could not make it last minute: one year a plane could not take off due to fog and it had seven of the course speakers, he filled in for all of them.  I just love the care and attention they give us, the responsibility and honor they feel for serving the organization and educating us.  "Forget about your work and projects.  If you are pressured to make a deadline, let us know.  We will talk to the project manager or your supervisor.  This is important.  You do not want to miss this by checking emails.  It is one week of your life.  You want to learn as much as you can", they kept emphasizing.

Then we went around the room to introduce ourselves.  Everyone is asked to tell something about themselves that others would not know about us if we did not.  I was the first one, so I just said I love going on long walks.  I have three nieces and enjoy spending time with them.  I figured my name and accent always at some point trigger the question of where I am from, so I decided to offer a different piece of information.  Then, I heard introductions of one engineer/scientist after another.  "I have a black belt in Karate", "I love working on cars", "I used to be a professional ballet dancer before becoming a biophysicist!",   "I am living my dream.  Since I was four I wanted to work for NASA.  I could not because I was from Columbia.  When studying engineering in Columbia I was playing soccer professionally.  I was asked to consider playing for the national team professionally.  But I said no, sorry. I want to become an engineer for NASA....  I applied for immigration, got a job as a contractor first, ..., congress had to get involved...now I am here." (the response to which was "we are glad to have you with us"), "I just got married to a Turkish man and I play Guitar" (she is an African-American lady), "I am also a professional middle eastern dancer!",  "I do not look like it, I do not sound like it, but I am Japanese.  My father was in military in Japan when I was born, so I have both U.S. and Japanese citizenship",  "I love the Lord and I direct the music in our church",..., Wow! What an interesting diverse group of people!  I must have sounded so boring to them!

The orientation was over.   I was deep in my thoughts, "it would be a nice week getting to know these people, hear their stories", as I was walking down the hallway towards the exit.   One of my classmates, comes quickly to catch up with me.  "Hi.  I work with Rick X and Dave Y", he says.  I knew the people he mentioned from two different projects and teams.  "I have heard a lot about you.  Between the two of them, I have heard your name a lot", he continues.  "Really?  They talk about me.?", I wondered.   "It is nice to meet you, I will see you in class in a couple of weeks", and we exchanged goodbyes.

I am glad he cared to talk to me.  He cheered me up.  After all, some may look forward to hearing my stories just as much.

Sharing

There is such a joy in sharing that can hardly be expressed.  Sharing your time, your stories, your happiness, your desires, your passions, your dreams.  It is like you want all the wonderful people in your life meet each other, become friends, and see each other through your eyes.  That way, they get to know you better too, and you get just a bit closer than before to all of your friends.  They say sharing is caring. I think sharing is loving.

خشت اول

خشت اول چون نهد معمار كج
تا ثريا ميرود ديوار كج

خيلى روابط اينطور هستند.  اگر از اول درست شروع  نشن، از اول يه خرده شيشه اى  تو كار باشه، بعدش  هرچى هم دو طرف سعى كنند با هم خوب و مهربون باشن، نميشه، الكيه، فيلمه، و من نميخواهم و نميتونم هنرپيشه باشم.  بر عكس، وقتى اصل رابطه دو نفر درست باشه، در مقابل طوفان ها و زلزله هاى خارجى مقاوم تر هست.  اون اعتماد متقابل كه هيچ وقت شك بهش وارد نميشه، خيلى نايابه.  شايد هر از گاهى دو طرف بترسن ستون هاى اين عمارت دوام نيارن، اما با نگهدارى دايم از رابطشون ميبينند كه اون ستون ها از هم نميپاشه. قدمتشون بيشتر ميشه.

Puzzled!

He spends hours searching for a good cell phone plan, cable plan, car insurance.
There are always so many choices.
If you do not do the research, you will be ripped off, right?
After all, how do you know if you chose a reasonable option.

He waits a year for a big screen TV to become older technology, and thus cheaper.
He does the same for iPhone.
He spends weeks calling different lenders before deciding on a loan for his house.
He spends half an hour of his time, which is worth half of his hourly rate, to correct a five dollar mistake in a bill.
Somethings are either worth or necessary to spend time for.

He goes to India on a three week vacation.
Meets a girl for the first time in a party.
He decides he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
That, he is sure of!
That, he does not need more time for!

Why?

We are often loved not for all we have said and done, rather for all those things we have never said and never done.

فائزه

"زندگی‌ چون ابر می‌بارد، چون سیل جاری میشود، و لحظه‌ای بعد ابری در آسمان، و تنها شبنم محبت و دوستی‌ را روی گلبرگ لحظات باقی‌ می‌گذرد...."

ان جملات رو فائزه برای نوروز ۱۳۷۳ برای من نوشته بود. فائزه شاید اولین دوست واقعی دوران بزرگسالی‌ من بود. دوستی‌ که با آگاهی‌ من رو انتخاب کرد و به من شیرینی‌، قدرت، و معنای دوستی‌ رو آموخت. این اولین کارتی بود که من از او گرفتم، اما هنوز که هنوزه دیدن دست خط زیبای ‌او و نامه‌های قشنگش، هر چند به ندرت، برای من اتفاقی منحصر به فرد و هیجان انگیز هست. همیشه می‌دونم که شعری زیبا، نقل قولی، یا داستانی‌ کوتاه پشت پاکت‌های او نهفته هست. همیشه رازی هست، همیشه دوستی‌ هست. دوستی‌ فائزه پر از لطافت و محبت هست، لطافت و محبتی که همون موقع‌ها هم نمیدونستم چطور توی اون تهرون پر از دود و دم و بدبینی و مشکلات پیدا میکرد، چه بماند به الان. فائزه با دادن این کارت ساده، روی زیبای زندگی‌ رو به من نشون داد و اینکه چطور آدم هایی رو که دوست دارم می‌تونم وارد زندگیم کنم ومهمتر از اون در زندگیم نگه دارم.

سال‌ها بعد در نامه‌ای دگر نوشت:

جز ترانه عشق نخواهم خواند                          جز سرود آزادی نخواهم سرود 

جز آوای دل نخواهی شنود                              جز در آزدگی نخواهی زیست

جز آهنگ صلح نخواهم ساخت                          جز به دلاوریت نخواهم خواند

جز شور زندگی‌ نخواهی داشت                          جز به پایمردی ات نخواهی ماند

جز نور امید نخواهم کاشت                              جز دست دوستی‌ نخواهم داد

جز ستاره بخت نخواهی چید                             به تو که زاده عشقى و اندیشه

و چنین بود و چنان باد.