Peace at last

Once upon a time I used to write here. I would reflect on any interesting, small or big event or problem, analyze it, or just record it for my memory. I used to find it therapeutic. After some point, the events and issues got so big, so overwhelming, so unbelievable to grasp and understand, that I gave up.  I guess Americans say that is when shit hits the fan.  Over the years I struggled trying to figure out how I could be of any help and support to my oldest brother. He always was struggling with one crisis or another, refusing to acknowledge and treat the root cause of all his sorrows. Situation went from bad to worse to worst, emotionally, financially, and finally physically beyond anything anyone could do. I lost a brother to stage four lung cancer. But worst than that I lost a brother I could not save, I could not help, no matter what I and people close to me tried to do. Smoking is the symptom of what killed him. The issues that made him smoke so heavily everyday for many years were the real killer, but of course we feel better blaming cigarettes.  May you rest in peace my brother; may you forgive us for all we could not or would not do for you.  May we find peace with ourselves.