Different Languages of Love

It has been a few years since one of my friends introduced me to the topic of different languages of love. The book was not necessarily a scientific or research-based one, rather one of those self-help books on keeping and maintaining loving relationships. I found the topic interesting regardless.

The book had stories of couples, whom some after a lifetime of marriage, did not feel loved by their partners. They seemed to have normal lives, they were life long friends, did not necessarily had any arguments, but they did not feel recognized, appreciated, loved. Often times, the other partner was clueless on what is missing. S/he could not find any basis for his/her partner's complaints.

The book argued different people have different ways/languages for expressing their love. While one person may shower you with flowers or gifts for every occasion, another person may never express his/her love with gifts and sees them as superficial materialistic objects that can actually harm a loving bond. That person may always do things for you and make sure you are taken care of. Whether it is doing the grocery shopping, washing the dishes, giving you a ride, etc. One person may do all these great things and the partner still not be happy, because they do not seem to have much of quality time together. You may shower her in jewelry and do everything for her, but all she really wants is an hour or two of your undivided attention. You get the picture. People have different ways of expressing their love and based on their preferred language, they feel happy/loved when they are talked to in their own language.

The book listed five major love languages:

1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical Touch

I would think we probably will feel happy when any of these are applied to us, and need to be at the receiving point of all of these five languages to some extent. However, we may appreciate, or be more sensitive to, being treated (or not) through one approach much more than the other ones. So, just because you do not care for gifts, it does not mean your partner would not mind that you never give him/her anything. Just because it means the world to you when your partner helps you with the house chores, it does not mean your partner likes you to help him/her with his/her chores. S/he may be yearning for more hugs and kisses instead. It is thus important to recognize your preferred love languages and those of your partner, and to receive and express love in those languages more often.

One things is for sure though: we got to get some love in a relationship. No matter how kind and giving we are, or would like to be, we cannot continue to give and give, and not hear any of the love languages back. What do you think?

عهدش بتمبه

به قول مادر بزرگ من: عهدش بتمبه!

Baby Jasmine!

Baby Jasmine!
Tonight is a long night for you.
The beginning of your many struggles in life.
As you work on entering this world.

Baby Jasmine!
This is just the beginning,
Of pushing hard,
Of finding your way out,
Of many battles to fight.
But do not you worry.

Baby Jasmine!
There are people waiting for you on the other side.
To catch you,
To hold you,
They already love you.

Baby Jasmine!
Now you have no choice,
But when you do,
Let people who love you,
Or those worthy to be trusted,
To catch you,
To hold you.
To love you,
You will survive those struggles,
Just as well as you will win the first one.

Baby Jasmine!
I will smell you in the morning.
Till then, sweet dreams.

aunt Nargess.

مدرسه و باسوادی

سال اول دبستان فکر می‌کنم سخت‌ترین سال تحصیلی عمرم بوده. نه از نظر درسی‌، نه، از این نظر که خیلی‌ سخت گذشت. معلم سخت گیر و بد اخلاقی‌ داشتیم. زود عصبانی میشد، داد میزد، و خط کش زدن پشت دست ما رو تنبیه عادی میدونست. من هم که سال اول مدرسه‌ام بود، فکر می‌کردم لابد مدرسه اینطوریه. هیچ وقت یادم نمیره بار اول که مامانم از من در راه آمدن به خانه شنید که معلم ما این کار رو میکنه. دستم را محکم تر گرفت و شروع کرد به تند تر قدم برداشتن. خیلی‌ عصبانی شده بود و همون فردا صبح اول وقت رفته بود دفتر مدرسه مون. منی که قبل از دبستان، مهد کودک و آمادگی‌ رفته بودم و به خارج از خونه بودن عادت داشتم و برای اولین روز رفتن به مدرسه روز شماری کرده بودم، همون کلاس اول ابتدایی از مدرسه بدم اومد. مدرسه برام سخت شده بود.

کلاس اول تازه به پایان رسید بود، و من از آغاز تابستان در پوست نمی‌‌گنجیدم. مهمتر از همه اینکه من دیگه باسواد شده بودم و می‌تونستم همه کتابهای داستانی رو که قبلان نمیتونستم بخونم، خودم به تنهایی و بدون منت کشیدن از برادرم بخونم. عصر روزی که مدرسه‌ام تموم شده بود و تابستان شروع شده بود، خوشحال رفتم پیش بابام و گفتم: "بابا، من دیگه با سواد شدم. دیگه لازم نیست مدرسه برم" و به خیال خودم این بهترین مژده ای‌ بود که من به بابام می‌تونستم بدم. بابام هم سری تکون داد و گفت "آره، حتما" و به کار خودش ادامه داد. من هم از این که اون به عظمت خبر من پی‌ نبرده بود، دلگیر و دست از پا دراز تر برگشتم توی اتاقم و عزای سال بعد و سال‌های بعد رو گرفتم و این که دیگه عمر من فنا شد.

حالا چطور شد اینطوری شد و من مدرسه رو برای سالیان سال وقتی‌ که می‌تونستم ول کنم، ول نکردم و هنوز هم سرم و بزنی‌، تهم و بزنی‌، به بهونه شنیدن سخنرانی‌های مختلف مدرسه‌های مختلف میرم، نمیدونم.

Positive Emotions

Last week's leadership colloquium at work was given by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, professor of Psychology at North Carolina university on "Positivity: How to Embrace it and Overcome Negativity.”

She emphasized on the scientific aspects of her research and supporting data indicating how positive emotions affect people's behavior, perceptions, and interactions, and that positivity is far beyond happiness and includes many feelings such as joy, gratitude, interest, etc. In particular, her experiments showed that positivity fuels resiliency and people with positive emotions respond better to crisis.

She mentioned we as humans cannot ignore or eliminate negative emotions. They are essential for our survival and learning experiences. However, if the negative feelings linger over time, and we get stuck in them, we will end up depressed.

An interesting fact she mentioned that made me pause and think was that one percent of our body cells are renewed everyday. That is 30% of our body is reborn in a month and we get a whole new self in a little over three months*. Maybe that is why it takes us at least three months to master a new skill, she wondered. In the same way, our health can be changed for better or worse depending on emotions we go through.

Thus, she introduced the concept of the positivity ratio, the number of times we experience positive emotions over the number of times we experience negative ones during a fixed period of time. Depending on how large or small this ratio is we can flourish or languish as water lilies do in response to sunshine. Positivity opens us and expands our horizons to new learning experiences, and consequently we feel energized and up-lifted. Since we cannot eliminate the denominator of this ratio, we need to increase the quantity of our positive experiences to feel positive. She and her colleagues had done studies to find the tipping point for this ratio: what would it take for individuals, businesses, and married couples to be happy?

Here are their magic numbers: experimental results indicate the positivity ratio to live a happy life is at least 3:1 for individuals, and 5:1 for marriages. I forgot the ratio for businesses but I think it was 7:1. In other words, it takes much more positive experiences and emotions to be happy in a marriage. They found for divorced couples this ratio was 1-1 or even zero and surprisingly they did not find many examples in between: people were either happily married with a 5:1 positive experiences over negative experiences or were depressed/divorced because they had a 1:1 or zero positivity ratio in their relationships. They also found another tipping point of 11:1, that is being too positive/happy is not good either. This is where the value of negative feelings as a survival and defense mechanism shows itself. Only 20% of people in the U.S. have a positivity ratio of 3 or more in their lives (i.e. feel good and do good).

Finally, she mentioned in order to create the mindset of positivity, one needs exercise being open, approachable, curios, kind, and above all real. Faking positivity is more dangerous than negative emotions, she stated.

To learn more about her work please visit:

http://www.unc.edu/peplab/home.html
http://www.PositiveEmotions.org
http://www.PositivityRatio.com

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* If we accept that people can change so periodically, how would it affect our perception of them? Do we keep judging, punishing, or rewarding individuals for what they once did without re-evaluating them often? Do we give others a chance to be forgiven or prove themselves in different contexts, or do we constantly judge them by their past behavior?

Fired Up or Burned Out?

We invest the best years of our lives preparing ourselves for a career from which we expect to make a living. Naturally, we would like to be happy at our jobs. We question and evaluate our choices constantly. Many people who end up at the wrong job suffer on a daily basis. At some point, they decide they had enough and quit even without knowing what will substitute their source of income.

A while back I attended a leadership seminar at work titled "Fired Up or Burned Out? Creating a Connection Culture" by Michael Stallard and Jason Pankau. This was part of their talk's announcement:

Seventy-five percent of Americans, on average, are not engaged in their work and 20 percent of the disengaged work against their organizations’ interests. For many this raises the question: What work environment enables everyone to perform to the best of their abilities and align their behavior with organizational goals?
.....
Employees in an organization with a high degree of connection are more productive, more engaged, more collaborative, and less likely to leave. In fact, research demonstrates that there is a set of learnable leadership behaviors that can ignite the workforce so individuals do more than survive – they thrive.

Speakers said emotional factors are four times as effective as rational factors in engaging employees at work. They emphasized the importance of feeling connected. Lack of connection at work results in loneliness, isolation, confusion, distrust, disrespect, and dissatisfaction. On the other hand, connections result in enthusiasm, satisfaction, and involvement. We feel fired up rather than burned out.

Speakers argued we all have certain needs that should be met in order for us to be happy with our jobs. They emphasized the word needs, they are not wants, not things that would be nice to have. If these needs are not met, our mental and physical health will be jeopardized.

This was their list of needs that should be met at our jobs:

1) Respect
2) Recognition
3) Belonging
4) Autonomy (Freedom)
5) Personal Growth
6) Meaning

I am often asked if I plan to get a new job. So far, I have responded no. I do not see any reason or need to do so. The above list helped me understand better why. During the past eight years, I never felt items 4-6 were at risk of not being met at my work. I almost always felt good about items 1-3, with the exception of one difficult team I had to work with for a while. Even during that time, working on multiple projects came to my rescue: those needs were satisfied via other teams and projects. While working on multiple projects with different groups can be inefficient and counter productive, it can also come to your rescue. By not putting all your eggs in one basket, one person/group/project won't have all of the power to deprive you from meeting your needs. You go to a meeting with a different group who respect and appreciate you more, and you get enough satisfaction to carry on. So, I am not going to complain anymore about being on multiple projects each with their own meetings and deadlines. They are all working together to cover my six above mentioned needs.

ستاره‌های دنباله دار

باشه ستاره‌های دنباله دار، باشه، یادتون باشه. من و یک ساعت نصف شبی تک و تنها کشونیدید وسط خیابون، هر ماشینی رد شد چپ چپ نگاهم کرد، اون وقت شما نیومدین سر قرار. من هم دیگه اومدم خونه، هر چقدر می‌‌خواید ببارید واسه خودتون امشب!

حاجی خانوم

حاجی خانوم زنی‌ بود از یکی‌ از روستاهای اطراف اصفهان. او در خانه ما و فامیل‌هایمان کار میکرد، اما در واقع حکم "ننی" من رو داشت به قول این جایی ها. او فرزندانش را به تنهایی بزرگ کرده بود، اما هنوز کار میکرد با وجودیکه پسرش نسبتا کار خوبی‌ داشت. هیچ وقت نفهمیدم چه بر سر شوهرش آمده بود. یعنی‌ در عالم بچگی‌ اصلا به این چیزها فکر نمیکردم. حاجی خانوم خودش مهم بود که در زندگی‌ ما بود.

حاجی خانوم با اتوبوس و پیاده خودش رو به خانه ما میرساند. حاجی خانوم سواد نداشت، اما همیشه دفترچه تلفنش توی ساکش بود، واگر ده دقیقه هم قرار بود دیر تر برسه، سر اولین تلفن عمومی‌ در راهش می‌‌ایستاد، از یک نفر خواهش میکرد که تلفن ما رو از دفترچه ش پیدا کنه و براش بگیره تا به ما بگه که دیر میکنه، با وجودیکه ما خونه بودیم و جایی قرار نبود بریم.

حاجی خانوم سواد نداشت، اما بهداشت رو خیلی‌ بهتر از بعضی‌ پرستار‌ها رعایت میکرد. جوراب‌های من رو با زیبایی جفت میکرد و روی هم می‌چید و لباس هام رو تا میکرد.

حاجی خانوم سواد نداشت، اما اگر می‌‌دید میوه فروش، سبزی فروش، یا حتی ‌نمکی داره سرش کلاه میذاره، داد و بیدادی راه مینداخت و انقدر خدا رو گواه میگرفت که طرف تا ته جهنم میرفت و بر میگشت.

تکّه کلام حاجی خانوم، "ها خب" بود. اگر سکوت بر قرار میشد و دیگه کسی‌ حرفی‌ نداشت، سکوت رو با یک "ها خب" کش دار می‌‌شکست.

حاجی خانوم عاشق ماست بود. همیشه با غذا برای خودش با ماست دوغ درست میکرد و روش نعنا و نمک میزد، و بعد ماست و نون و خرما هم به عنوان دسر میخورد.

حاجی خانوم عاشق بارون و برف بود. اگر یکی‌ کمی‌ مینالید که هوا بد شد (یکی‌ که یعنی‌ من)، زود با اعتراض جواب میداد: "بذار بباره، بذار بباره، زمین‌ها تر بشه". او فکر کشاورز‌های روستاشون بود و مدتها به باران و برف از پشت پنجره خیره میشد. گاهی‌ هم دستاش رو رو به آسمان بلند میکرد و خدا رو شکر میکرد به خاطر این همه برکت و نعمت.

خیلی‌‌ها او را ننه صدا میکردند. ظاهرأ بار اول که من این رو از زبان کسی‌ شنیده بودم، بهش گفت بودم "ننه نه، حاجی خانوم!"، و حاجی خانوم هم کلی‌ کیف کرده بود که این بچه که من بوده باشم انقدر احترام بهش گذاشته و ازش دفاع هم کرده، و این خاطره مورد علاقش از من شده بود و برای همه تعریف میکرد: "خدا شاهده ،نرگس جون گفت ننه نه، حاجی خانوم!".

من که بزرگ تر شده بودم، حاجی خانوم هم هوش و حواسش سر جاش خیلی‌ نبود. بچه هاش هم دیگه نمیذاشتن کار کنه. او بیشتر به عنوان مهمان و عضو خانواده هر از گاهی‌ به خانه ما می‌‌آمد. بعد‌ها شنیدم که سال‌های آخر در یک خانه سالمندان بوده، اما پسرش هم همان جا کار میکرد و با او هر روز نهار میخورد. دفعه آخر که ایران رفته بودم، چند ماهی‌ میشد که حاجی خانوم فوت کرده بود و من هیچ وقت از حاجی خانوم خدانگهداری* نکرده بودم.

*حاجی خانوم همیشه موقع خداحافظی میگفت: خدا ا (مکث)نگهدار.

نامه

از همون دوران کودکی و زمان جنگ که برادرهای من از ایران خارج شدند، من با پدیده "نامه" آشنا شدم. در اون زمان اینترنت که نبود هیچ، تلفن زدن به خارج هم دنگ و فنگ‌های خودش رو داشت. اول باید زنگ می‌‌زدی به ادارهٔ مخابرات. اگر راه میداد و اشغال نبود، تلفن راه دور مورد نظر رو به اپراتور میگفتی‌. بعد اپراتور تلفن رو میگرفت و اگر خوش شانس بودی و خط راه میداد میتونستی حرف بزنی‌، البته تا وقتی‌ که قطع نشه. درسته که شنیدن صدای بردرام برای من و پدر و مادرم خیلی‌ با ارزش بود، اما نامه چیز دیگری بود. نامه رو میشد چند بار خوند، لمس کرد، بو کرد. یک چیز فیزیکی‌ که در دست اونها بوده، از یک دنیای ناشناس به دست ما رسیده بود. هر چند طولی نکشید که ما فهمیدیم که تنها خوانندگان این نامه ها، ما نبودیم. اغلب موارد پاکت‌های نامه توی یک کیسه پلاستیکی به دست ما میرسید که روش مهر آبی‌ رنگی‌ بود: " این مرسوله در راه آسیب دیده، و ما آن‌ را ترمیم کرده ایم"، یا یک چیزی توی همین مایه ها. میدونم که کلمات "مرسوله" و "ترمیم" رو هم اولین بار از روی این مهر‌ها یاد گرفتم. پاکت نامه پاره شده بود و روی پارگی چسب نواری زده بودند. خوب، خدا عمرشون بده لااقل نامه‌ها رو به ما میدادند و انقدر نگران بودند که هر دفعه ترمیمشان میکردند!

انقدر سالهای جنگ و دوری طولانی شد که ما شدیم استاد نامه نگاری. نامه‌های رسمی‌ زیادی هم در طی‌ سال‌ها نوشتیم. دعوتنامه برای ویزا، درخواست ویزا، در خواست پذیرش، در خواست کمک هزینه تحصیلی‌، ... .

حالا هم که مثلا موفق شدیم صبح تا شب کارمون شده نامه نوشتن. بهترین نوعش نامه برای ارزشیابی یک شاگرد قدیمی‌ و توصیه استخدام شدن او در جایی، یا تعریف از یک همکار هست. بقیه ش ابراز نگرانی‌ یا مخالفت با یک موضع، در خواست آزادی زندانیان سیاسی، در خواست لغو اعدام زندنیان سیاسی است. هر روز اسم جدیدی و هر روز نامه جدیدی. هر روز این نامه‌ها را امضا می‌کنیم و پخش. "نامه" یعنی‌ دوری، التماس، بی‌ چارگی، دل خوش کنی‌.

Anger

Anger is one of those emotions we all experience a lot, but hardly deal with properly, or talk about it. At times we even get angry at ourselves for being angry about something. Our logical brains tell us it is not worth your physical and mental health. Do not ruin your day over things that do not matter. But you cannot help what you feel. You just cannot help it. I have learned if I remind myself of a few things at such times, I may better be able to let go of the anger.

0) It is okay to feel angry at times. We are humans after all. The question is how do we let go of it, before it conquers us and becomes an inseparable part of us. Of course at first some physical activity and sport as well as talking about it can help release the tension. Be careful! It is easy to get trapped in the cycle of thinking and talking about it all the time and remaining angry.

1) By staying angry, I am letting the source of the anger, be it a person or a system, have control over my emotions, my performance, my life, and my health. Do I want to give this much power and control to what hurt me to begin with? Hell no.

2) The more we feed anger, the angrier and unhappier we get. Just stop watering this plant and it will die. This story helps*:

An old Cherokee chief is teaching his grandson about life: "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.
"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed."

3) Look at things from a different perspective. I love the Hubble's Deep Field** image (click on the image below twice). It is taken from a very small portion of the sky. Every circle represents a galaxy like ours with its own planets, moons, and stars. Our earth is not even a dot in this image. How insignificant and small our problems are with respect to the universe, and how ridiculous and stupid we look for thinking they are so important to fight over.



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* This seems to be a famous story but I first read it on page 157 of this book:
http://www.threelawsofperformance.com/
** For more information see the following links:
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap040309.html
http://www.nasa.gov/vision/universe/starsgalaxies/hubble_UDF.html

Days 8, 9,...16? Who is counting?

As you might have noticed from my blog not being updated in a while, I am back to reality, and could not report on the remainder of once was a lovely vacation in as much detail as I used to. Surprisingly enough, I have had more than one request from friends anxiously waiting to hear about the rest of my journey. So, here I give a summary of the rest of my trip before moving on with my life :-)

I spent day 8-9 visiting all the famous areas in Paris: Notre Dame, Sorbonne, Montmartre, Hotel De Ville, Eiffel Tower, the Louvre museum, Champs Elysee, Bastille, etc. There are tons of movies, novels, pictures, and galleries, doing much better job at reporting what I saw than I could ever do. I realized most of what I knew about Paris and most of what I imagined about this city was from novels I used to read as a teenager. I came to the conclusion that I used to read much more about France or any other country for that matter, in my small room in Iran than all my years here. That was a sad realization.

Interesting facts I learned, some of which from the children book I bought for my nieces as souvenir, are the following:

- The Eiffel tower was built by Americans and initially the French did not like it because it was just ugly. I understood what they meant when I saw it from a close distance. The tower looks nice from far away as a whole, but the actual tower itself is just made of metal pieces connected to each other. Also, did you know at the very top of it, there are TV antennas broadcasting signals to Paris?
- Louvre was initially built to be a palace, and then became a museum. It was modified and completed over centuries before becoming like what it is today.
- I did not know French completely eliminate the handshake when greeting each other. Iranians somehow kiss while shaking hands. My cousin finally had to whisper in my ears: "they do not shake hands here", after the third time I was failing at a proper greeting with her friends.
- Historically the word Hotel means mansion in French (e.g. Hotel De Ville).
- Sacre-Coeur, meaning Sacred Heart, has remained white because its surface has a chemical material that acts like a bleach every time it rains. It was on the hills in the famous Montmartre neighborhood, where the movie Amelie was mostly recorded. I had a great view of Paris from there. They had a wine harvest festival that day and it was very crowded. Wines and Champagnes of different cities of France were being sold on the street and music was playing. It was too perfect a day to be true.

Visiting Sorbonne was a nice treat since I had no mental image of it beforehand. Many activists were standing in front of it. They were protesting against capital punishment globally. They had a brief description of countries, including Iran, that currently exercise capital punishment. Seeing names of so many political prisoners in so many different countries with issues I had no idea about, made me feel ignorant. I should read more on many countries and their people's struggles.

Although I had some expectation of how Louvre would look like, I never thought it was so huge and magnificent! I only had two hours to spend inside the world's largest museum before they close. Of course, Mona Lisa was the first stop, and as you have heard it from others, it is disappointing to see how small and dark it is. I was happier to see Hammurabi stone, remembering the first time I read about it in elementary school, and of course the Napoleon's apartment, reminiscing the Desiree novel I enjoyed reading so much as a teenager.

Oh, and how happy was I to finally walk in Champs Elysee and have a meal there, and of course seeing the Eiffel tower. Well, we had quiet a French experience the night we visited Eiffel. We were getting ready to head back to our hotel. We were tired and it was kind of chilly. Laleh suggested we have hot chocolate before taking the metro. I welcomed the idea. We went to the restaurant behind the closest metro stop. The waitress asked us if we were there for dinner, and we said no, just coffee and desert. She immediately took away the table cloth since we did not deserve it anymore for being cheap customers. I got a cappuccino and she got a hot chocolate. Can you guess how much was our bill? I am embarrassed to acknowledge this. My cappuccino alone was 7.5 Euros, or $11. That is by far the most expensive (small) cup of coffee I have had in my life, on a metal table with no table cloth! So, if you went to visit Eiffel tower, do not you dare stop for a meal, or even tea, at the restaurant behind that park and metro center.

Enough with the French! Back to England. I visited St. Paul cathedral, V&A museum, and I took the bus to Oxford for one day. When I visited V&A museum I felt like I had an overdose of museums. So, I avoided the sections they had on China, India, etc, and looked for something unique to that museum, which was not hard to find: V&A museum was the first museum in the world that had a photography exhibit. So, I just went to see their photography collection. They had a very nice collection, many of which were about life in the U.S. Here are some interesting and surprising pictures I saw there:





Oxford was a lovely college town with gorgeous trees and fall season. I did not have a map and did not need to search for anything. There was something to visit in every corner of the city: colleges, churches, of course the Oxford campus, natural history museum celebrating Darwin, Oxford's museum, beautiful parks, homes of the first person who made an automobile in U.K., editor of the Oxford dictionary, etc. I think I broke a record for number of museums one had seen in two weeks during my vacation. As I sat in a coffee shop for lunch and coffee, I could not help over hearing the conversation of the table next to me between an old Oxford professor and his female student. He was one of these professors everyone loved to take his classes. I already wanted to talk to him. He was advising his student with such care and patience. It reminded me of my own adviser and graduate study years. All of a sudden I missed both my adviser and being a student. I wish we were having a meeting like they were. As they finished talking, the professor stood, looked at me, and the book I had on my table. Without talking, his eyes told me I wish I could talk to you but I got to run to a meeting/class, what are you reading/studying?, a smile, and goodbye, and I had told him I wish we could meet and talk too, and no problem, I understand. It was an interesting silent conversation.

The last weekend I saw a musical in West End neighborhood in London, an area like New York's Broadway. They seemed to have many more theaters there though. We saw Wicked, and it was quiet a pleasant experience and a nice way to end my trip.

It did not turn out to be such a summary, did it? You got it all.

Day 7: To Paris

I took it easy and relaxed at home, and did some reading. In the afternoon, we were headed to Paris, the city I have been wanting so much to visit. The Eurostar ride was nice, quiet, and fast. After 2.5 hours, there we were, at Paris. It was night by then, and we headed towards our hotel, close to St. Paul station.

Apparently the region we were staying in, used to be a poor area in the old times, where Jews lived under hard conditions. Now, it is the center of the city and a nice area. Laleh did not look forward to riding the metros in Paris. "They are dirty and they smell", she claimed. "Come on, it is not that bad", I told her. After coming out of the metro station and walking through a narrow street, we found our hostel behind tall doors. We buzzed in and the door was opened from the inside.

We went to the office. The guy pulled out our reservation. "Passport", he asked for. First, I thought he was just checking our IDs. Then, I realized he wanted to keep it until the next morning to make sure we pay. I gave him my credit card, asking him to charge the costs right then. "The receptionist works here until noon, I cannot charge your card now, you have to come back in the morning". I asked for a receipt, a piece of paper indicating he has our passports. "No", he said. They never do that. What? If I come back in the morning and our passports had disappeared, what were we supposed to do? I told him keep my credit card instead, you can charge it in the morning. He did not accept. Laleh reassured me it was going to be fine, this is how they work here. I complied but I was not happy.

The hostel we stayed in used to be a Montessori school in 1700s, where nuns lived. It was well-maintained and clean. There were three single beds in our room, two of which were stacked. There were small lights on the wall, next to the pillow side of the beds, with switches in case each person wanted to read at night. In the bathroom, the light would go off every 5 seconds and I had to move to tell its sensors to come back on. It was annoying. We soon crashed.

Day 6: Green Park, Hyde Park, and the Buckingham Palace

This was a sunny day, a treasure in London to go and enjoy the parks. I wanted to visit the famous Hyde park and its gardens. I took the metro and came out of the Hyde Park corner station. As I came out, I saw statues and gates and tourists taking pictures. There were statues of war heroes, recognition of different nationalities and cultures. I even saw Palestine and Persia carved on the stone of a statue, but sadly I did not learn their significance and why they were mentioned. I joined the many tourists in taking pictures.

I then decided to move towards the Hyde park, only to realize I had gone in the opposite direction and had ended up in the second largest park, the Green park. It was just beautiful. Tall trees that were about to change colors, pigeons everywhere not scared of the people, green grass, perfect weather, the peace and quiet, all made it like walking in paintings of a dreamland. After a short walk, there was a small fountain-like area in appreciation of Canada and Canadian soldiers who fought for Britain. After a while, I gave up taking pictures of all the memorial statues.

I reached a large area with many more people, a tall statue with a golden part on top, and then I saw it across the street. The large Buckingham palace. What a nice surprise! I did not know it was just around the corner. I tried to remember what I had in mind of this palace, mainly through ceremonies for Princess Diana and then the Wedding of Prince Charles. Well, it did not look that glorious now. You could actually feel the palace had aged and the walls were not that clean and shining, like one would expect a palace to be. I do not know, maybe one comes with high expectations, or after seeing so many nice buildings I got spoiled, but when I saw the palace I was thinking to myself "this is it"?

Next, I really wanted to get to my original destination: Hyde park. Green park was triangular shape and as I was trying to go out of it from one end, I realized I had traversed the wrong side of it. I ended up walking a lot just to get out of the Green park. From the maps, I was under the impression that Hyde park is just across the street from Green park, but that was quiet misleading. It took me a while to discover Hyde park, but once I entered it, it was like entering heaven. There were small colorful gardens on each corner, usually with a small water pond in the middle. There was a nice large lake in the middle of the park. I sat there and treated myself to a cappuccino and cake. I noticed there were many Arabs around me. Some Arab women were covering their hair and were simple. Some, on the other hand, had so much make up and perfume on, it was not even nice. It was as if they were painted with brushes and getting ready to play on a theater for people to see the features of their face from hundreds of meters away. One of them looked at me from head to toe and back, and I was wondering what is she searching for? Maybe she was hoping to find something more interesting, not so plain and simple. On the other corner, two moms with their babies in strollers were having a chat over coffee and dessert. I thought they have a nice life. What is better than spending a day with your baby in such a nice place, having conversation with a friend over sweet pastries? What the hell am I doing everyday driving frantically back and forth to places, meeting deadlines, stressing over issues created by other people's mistakes in life just to get enough money to pay for plumbers and repairing my place and getting a vacation, which until the last day I did not even know I could take or not? Maybe I have it all wrong! But how did I know they were not traveling like myself? Who says their life is like this every day? I decided to think it was not the case for them everyday, just to make myself feel better and not ruin my vacation.

Different sections of the park had different signs. One was called the Peter Pan walk! The other was Princess Diana's! I decided to go visit the latter in her memory. It took a long while getting to princess Diana's fountain. It was designed using high tech computer modeling, and the fountain was supposed to be like her life: from the highest point it was pouring down in different directions, and the circle of water was accessible via small stone bridges in three different parts, an indicator of her openness to people of all walks and cultures.

And for day 6, that is all folks!

Day 5: Greenwich!

I finally made it to Greenwich. The night before as I was brainstorming with Laleh about places to visit next, she said "It would be funny if after all this talk the only place you end up not seeing be Greenwich!". Her comment frightened me and I made it my mission to visit Greenwich the next day, rain or shine. It was a rainy day, not the best day to walk in countryside.

It took me about an hour with train to get there. As soon as I came out, there were signs for Maritime Museum, Naval College, Royal Observatory, all in the same direction. I followed the signs. I saw beautiful gates in front of nice set of buildings. I thought maybe this is where the Observatory was. Soon from the scene of so many students rushing in, I realized it was the Greenwich university campus. I learned later on the same day from the local newspaper on my way back that the Physics Nobel prize was given to Dr. Kao, a Greenwich university alumni. They were taking pride in him. How interesting that I was there on the same day. Also, the same newspaper reported that NASA scientists had found a new ring around Saturn. I thought it was very appropriate dedicating this day to visiting the Observatory.

I came out of the campus and went inside the next big building around the corner. They were welcoming and handed me brochures immediately. It was the Maritime museum, a place to learn about space exploration, stars, etc. Working at the home of Hubble and so many other missions, and having been to the aerospace museum in DC and different NASA centers, I did not feel the need to hear the same stories from them. Besides, I was running out of time. It was around 2 pm and the observatory would close at 5. I asked the lady working there about the observatory. She pointed me towards it. It was up on a hill. I thanked her, and started climbing the hill.

The higher I went, the nicer the view would get. The Maritime museum appeared like a wide White-house from the hill. Its view from the top with grass and trees around it was just gorgeous. I arrived at the top. The observatory building was small. I started exploring. In the first room, there were collections of telescopes that were made and improved over time. As I was trying to figure out the stories and the history of the place, an announcement was made that a public tour is available shortly. So, I happily joined. Our tour guide very nicely narrated the story of why this place was built, who lived there, and what came out.

In 1670s British government realized that they were losing a lot of money in trades since many ships drowned and sailors did not have much luck finding their positions in the ocean. Sometimes they meant to go west and they would make a mistake and go east, or the other way around. They did not have a way of determining longitude. Latitude was easy to determine from either the sun or the North star. One way to determine longitude was by knowing the position of the stars and observing them. However, there was not a good atlas of the sky at the time. So, the British government decided to build an observatory and support an astronomer in the task of determining longitude. The British government allocated only 500 GBP for building this observatory in 1670s. Even back then, it was not much money for such a task. So, the architect of the building, Christopher Wren who also was the architect of the St. Paul cathedral, found a cheap real estate in Greenwich and built the observatory for 525 GBP in 1675. He had practically got the land for free. So, there was no particular reason for choosing Greenwich other than the price of the land at the time.

The observatory was built and the first astronomer John Flamsteed moved there. He was considered Royalty in the British government and that place was his residence too. We saw his study, dining room, etc. Apparently Newton paid him visits too. It was amazing thinking I was in the same room that once Newton, Flamsteed, and Halley (the one the comet is named after) lived, met, and argued. Over decades Flamsteed worked on cataloging and preparing an atlas of the sky. However, he would not publish his atlas until his work was complete. Newton and Halley needed his results desperately. Newton got a position of authority over him and published his results in 400 copies. The angry Flamsteed burnt 300 of them. And here I thought publishing issues and disagreements were a new age problem!

Flamsteed, however, did not succeed in solving the longitude problem. The ships were still drowning and sailors were getting lost. The British government lost patience and allocated a 20,000 GBP award for whoever solves this problem, equivalent of today's 6 million GBP. Flamsteed passed away shortly after. His wife was determined to publish his results but she did not have enough money to do so. She sold all her furniture to pay for the publication of the results. Thus, most of the furniture in the observatory while belonged to that time, did not belong to Flamsteed personally. Some were acquired later though.

There was a different approach from astronomy for determining the longitude problem. It was via knowing the local time and the time at another place at the same time. By calculating the difference, one could figure out where s/he was with respect to that reference, say Greenwich. Well, this sounds easy but at the time there were no telecommunication system. One approach would be to take a clock with Greenwich time and carry it on a ship with you. You can always get the local time from the sun. This sounds easy but the clocks back then were not advanced. They had pendulums that could move irregularly on a moving ship. A mechanical watchmaker John Harrison spent his life making clocks that would work on ships. He in fact did solve the longitude problem and claimed the 20,000 GBP prize. The British government only paid him half of it unless he could reproduced 4 additional versions of the same clock and demonstrated that they worked equally well. Much of this resistance was also from the astronomical society who failed to solve the problem and did not like to see a watchmaker winning over them. After all even back then there were fights over funding and awards! The mad Harrison did not accept the 10,000 GBP. He wanted the complete prize and more than anything else he wanted the recognition that he had solved the longitude problem. We saw the watches that Harrison made. They started large and big and got more compact and smaller over time. The British government finally gave him the 20,000 after Harrison proved the other copies of the watch worked equally well. He only lived 3 years after that to enjoy the 20,000 GBP. The complete story is in a book called Longitude by Sobel. Apparently, it was only three years ago when he got the appropriate recognition and a statue of him was built. I do not know where in the city it is though.

We saw so many watches and telescopes there. There was a section where visitors could leave notes. The cards started with "Time stopped for me when ...". People from all over the world who visited the observatory completed the sentence differently. Here were some of the responses: when 9/11 happened, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, when that special someone kissed me, when I heard my ex was getting married four months after we broke up because he did not like commitments, when shuttle Challenger collapsed, ....

We then went to the top floor, where the 28 inch telescope was. It is the 7th largest telescope in the world and the largest in the U.K. Of course the view of Greenwich from there was also beautiful. I had bought a postcard from the shop downstairs and could not find a better place to write it to my astrophysicist colleague back in Goddard, who would have appreciated this visit the most. "Hi from Greenwich to Greenbelt, I am sitting in front of the 28 inch telescope right now ...".

Just one week before my trip to the U.K., I had visited the Naval Observatory in D.C. as part of a conference event. Over there, they are now working on atomic clocks, to define a second up to so many decimal points. It is amazing how far we have come. Their telescope is 26 inch in diameter and they took pride in Asaph Hall for observing the moons of Mars with that telescope. That observatory is not as open to the public as the Royal observatory was. Mainly because the U.S. Navy is still actively using it and working in its campus. That campus was on Connecticut avenue close to vice President's house and we learned in that visit that vice President Biden sits in front of Hall's library there when giving his weekly address.

Finally, I visited the 0 degree longitude line passing through the observatory courtyard. I placed one foot on its left side and another on its right side, and took a typical picture that all visitors of the Greenwich Meridian take. On the ground they had marked famous cities with their relative longitude to Greenwich. Tehran and D.C. were both carved on the ground there.

I was drenched and soaked climbing up and down that hill and making it to the train. I am glad I did it, even though it was not a fancy place in London.

Day 4: Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, the Parliament, and the National Gallery.

This was the day I fell for London. I took the train to the Westminster station, just to come out and see the Big Ben in front of me. To me, Big Ben is associated with Around the World in Eighty Days, with Jules Verne, with my childhood. I could not believe I did not have to walk around much to find it. I asked someone foolishly: "Is this the Big Ben?". Sure it was. Then, across the street was the gorgeous Westminster Abbey. Further down, the Parliament. All these buildings were magnificent. Although I had seen everything quickly as they were located next to each other, I did not feel like leaving. I kept walking around these buildings. There was a park behind the Parliament. It was called the Victoria Garden. By American standards, it was such a small park. But it was gorgeous. One could not ask for better views. Colorful trees in fall in front of the Parliament on one side, the river and the London Eye on the other. I could stay there forever.

I still had a good portion of the afternoon. So, I hit the National Gallery. I could not believe my eyes. Room after room of so many large gorgeous paintings of so many famous artists including Monet, Manet, Van Gogh, Cezanne, Degas, and Picasso. Although I had seen some of the most famous paintings on postcards or large prints of them in many places,seeing the real ones, with the signature of the artists, learning about their lives and their relationships with their families, colleagues, and friends was something else. Like the British Museum, I could spend days in this museum, looking at each painting carefully, and learning about the stories behind each one of them. One of the many paintings I liked was called Cupid Complaining to Venus by Lucas Cranach the Elder.




Cupid complains to Venus of being stung by bees when stealing a honeycomb. This is to be taken as a moral commentary; as the inscription observes: 'life's pleasure is mixed with pain.'

I like London. I am beginning to feel sorry for myself, spending so much of my life just commuting to different places in Maryland.

Prayer

Aunt Nargess says a prayer for Natalie and Victoria tonight.
Aunt Nargess asks you to do the same please,
For tomorrow is a big day in their lives.
May the outcome be what is the best for them.

Day 3: The British Museum

After a good night sleep, nice relaxing breakfast, reading emails and blogs, I headed towards the British museum. As I entered the building, its huge size and tall gorgeous ceiling haunted me. There were so many sections: ancient Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Africa, etc. I could spend days visiting this museum. The first part I encountered attracted me immediately. It was about how people in various countries, cultures, and religions deal with hardships.


People everywhere experience trouble, sorrow, need, and sickness and develop skills and knowledge in response to these adversities.

There were pictures of various disasters, natural or man-made, from all over the world through out the years accompanied by nice poems and quotations. Poems were probably not the focus of this museum, but I was most focused on reading those. Here are some of them:

The wind is level now, the earth is wet with dew, the storm of stars in the sky will turn to quiet. And soon all of us will sleep under the earth, we who never let each other sleep above it.
from I know the truth- give up all other truths! by Marina Tsvetayeva, 1892-1941

Pain splinters me. I am cracked like glass. I taste salt, my own fear, can save me nothing.
from In Hospital by Gwen Harwood, 1920-1995

Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail,
sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.
(from Sometimes by Sheenagh Pugh, 1950-)

Here is a glass of water from my well.
It tastes of rock and root and earth and rain;
It is the best I have, my only spell,
And it is cold, and better than champagne.
from A Glass of Water by May Sarton, 1912-1995

The Single clenched fist lifted and ready,
Or the open asking hand held out and waiting,
Choose:
For we meet by one or the other.
Choose by Carl Sandburg, 1878-196?

Then, I saw a section on ancient China with so many gorgeous jeweleries made of Jade. They described the two chemical combinations of Jadeitite and Nephrite, and how one is much more expensive than the other. Guess how jewelers identify a real jade from a fake one? The same way in remotes sensing we recognize fire, water, different minerals, vegetation, etc : spectroscopy. They each have their unique spectral signature.

I later went to the Enlightenment era (1680-1820), apparently the age of reason, discovery, and learning that changed the way people viewed the world. This was achieved by observing and studying the natural and man-made world. Did you know the word scientist has been used only in 1900s and had we were living in 1800s I would have been a philosopher? There were minerals collected by a physician called Sir Hans Sloane. He used them as medicine for kidney, skin, cold, poisoning, etc. There is also a museum named after him here. I should learn more about him. There were Parkinson's fossils named after the surgeon who found them and is famous for describing what is called today the Parkinson's disease. However, his fossils had enabled Darwin to identify one type of whale as an extinct species.

The Rosetta stone was there too. So was parts of Persepolis (actual rocks of it) and of Nemrud. There were large statues, gates, reconstructed models, real broken parts, etc. It gave the atmosphere of Persepolis. How on earth did they transport all of these here, and where was the Iranian government? Well, there was also a section on how many Mesopotamian remnants have been destroyed since 2003 as a result of the Iraq war. Maybe it is a good idea to have historical valuables in different parts of the world.

Finally, I stopped by a table where a lady was describing some historical items. She called them prehistoric. She asked us "what does prehistoric mean"? I responded: "before writing started". She was so happy. She asked where I was from. "Welcome! We do not get many visitors from Iran", she said happily. "In places like Iran, writing had started about 7000 years ago, but it arrived in Britain only 3-4 thousands years ago. So, prehistoric means different times for different places", she continued. The items were clays formed for cutting meat, smoking, etc. She was passionate about her stories and did not have a British accent. After she learned I am traveling from Maryland, she happily said "I am from Washington DC.", "Do you miss D.C.?", I asked. "I came here for one summer twenty five years ago, and I never went back. They do not have guns here, no mosquitoes, and they have the health system, not like the nonsense that is happening in the U.S. now. My sister, she has five kids and no health insurance. no health insurance!", she yelled. "How can you not want the public health insurance?!", she wondered. She asked me if I knew of any prehistoric items or sites in Iran. Things that are discovered and are older than the age of writing in Iran. Things that no one had written on them. Well, it showed how poor my history is. I did not know of any such site or object. Do you?

London, Day 2.

We visited the Regions Park, which was just gorgeous. A Parsee named Jehangir from India had a statue there since he had contributed money to the park in appreciation of what British community did for Parsee community in India (which I am not sure what it was other than colonizing them)! My camera of 4.5 years decided to break on the second day of my trip. We continued getting photos with Laleh's iPhone. I will have to borrow her camera for the rest of my trip. Then we took the train to Soho, a nice looking area with restaurants and coffee shops, fancy department stores, but mainly famous for its exotic sex shops. As we were coming out of the train station, I see a couple lifting their child's stroller to go up the stairs. I look around. There is no escalator, no elevator, no flat section with a slope for carrying wheelchairs and strollers. "How are handicaps supposed to come out of the station?", I asked. "They cannot", Laleh responded.

Laleh was trying to impress me with so many designer and fashion stores. There was a scarf with skulls printed on it for only 265 GBP. "What is this? It is not even beautiful! They are out of their minds!", I said angrily. Jesse, Laleh's boyfriend, made a comment about another expensive item. "Ok, if this store is disturbing people's mental health we should leave", Laleh said jokingly. It was nice being exposed to different aspects of London, but I was not enjoying visiting these shops as much as she did. Well, we have all these expensive designer stores in the States too. Just because I do not live like characters of the Sex and the City, I should not have thought of these stores to be a London phenomenon. It was just depressing seeing all those ridiculously expensive items, maybe because they were a reminder of how hard I had to work to afford an ugly scarf.

A nice lunch and later a very nice cappuccino and baghlava in a coffee shop perfected my Soho experience. As we were sipping our coffees and chatting, we heard a loud noise. A painting behind a customer had dropped! He was so lucky it did not hit his head. Suddenly, everyone in the coffee shop looked back to see if there were a painting behind them. This event started a conversation by Jesse on how nothing works perfectly well here. Windows in Laleh's place drift air so much that the first night it felt like we were just sleeping outside. Jesse also mentioned how he had noticed a hole in size of a Frisbee, where his apartment's fan was in the middle of the windows. He initially had thought they forgot to cover the fan. Later, he was informed it was their solution to the possible hazard of having gas leaks in his place. I regretted the fact that I had just replaced my windows in the U.S. to make them energy efficient and to take advantage of president Obama's tax credit towards their cost. My old windows were like the king of windows compared to these British ones. I wondered how long they run their heaters in their cold winters and how much they are contributing to the global warming because of their bad windows. Not that people in the U.S. do not waste energy in so many other ways.

We took one of those famous red buses towards Chelsea. "Where do you want to visit during your stay?", Jesse asked. "Greenwich!", I said immediately. "She is obsessed with Greenwich. Ever since she has arrived she is asking me how she can get there, how far it is,..., I tell her it is ok, but Soho and other areas are as important to see if not more, there is not much there", Laleh said in an attempt to enlighten me. "I want to go to the Greenwich observatory!", I replied wondering how on earth she does not consider it the place to visit.

We arrived at Chelsea with its million GBP real estates. "You almost have to be embarrassed to drive a Porch here", Jesse said, indicating that would be the cheapest car residents of this region would have. "Arab princes live here, maybe we can find you a prince", Laleh joked. I enjoyed the gorgeous architecture of the buildings with beautiful flowers decorating them.

After a long day, we arrived home. We chatted with Alison, Laleh's flatmate, and Stephan, Alison's boyfriend. Alison is originally from Vancouver, her boyfriend from Switzerland. It is just wonderful meeting young people from all over the world and learning from their experiences.

Trip to UK- Day 1

After so many complications and doubts as to whether I could take my long over due and much needed vacation, I finally made it on the plane before I canceled my trip. As soon as I came out of the train and saw a complete different scene of location and people, all my tensions and problems of the past few weeks were thousands of miles away. I could breath and experience a detached world from miseries back home.

I arrived at London around 6 am local time. There were a few first observations. Escalators are not as common as they are in the U.S. There were not big clocks in the airport to spot the local time quickly. You could see trash bags waiting to be picked up from the streets. After breakfast, and a couple of hours of nap, my cousin and I headed towards the Notting Hill, a place I had seen so many times in movies. We visited the famous book store in the Notting Hill, went to Saturday's Portobello Market, walked in the streets with middle eastern shops, restaurants, etc. The streets were over crowded. I saw a lesbian couple kissing and hugging so affectionately in public. We passed George Orwell's house too.



Food does not seem very expensive so far, but everything else costs 1.5-2 times more than it does in the the U.S. Well, somethings are orders of magnitude more expensive. There was a swim suit which was 75% off, and yet was over 100 GBP. Who would buy a swim suit for that price? I just cannot comprehend it. A simple shirt for 100 GBP. Well, it was a designer store if it helps. The cheapest coat started from 300 GBP!

A friend of my cousin, who I had met before in Australia, joined us too. It felt like we had already been in touch all these years. It was a nice feeling walking in the shops and having lunch and coffee with them. There were so many signs in Arabic, I could not believe it. A middle-eastern bookstore had the historic Al-Kharazmi book on algebra in English and Arabic. I so much wanted to have that book. It was just too expensive, 70 GBP, over $100. Well, the bookstore had sections on Arabian Gulf too. I tried to ignore that and keep the memory of its cool atmosphere. They had a large section of books on Iran, many of them I had not seen before. My cousin picked a book which had translation of Persian poetry of Shamloo and others in English. I looked at the cover. "He is the dean of Persian studies at University of Maryland", I tell my cousin. I think to myself how small my world has become over the years. Thousands of miles away, I see the books of people that not only I know, but meet often and frequently.



I am sitting in the dining room, viewing the beautiful Thames river reflecting the lights over it. The lovely full moon, my loyal companion, is also in the sky. I am thrilled that I will have breakfast with the river's view every day for a short time. I am glad I made it here. I was going literally crazy. When I had originally planned this trip, I was just planning a vacation. Little that I knew what was in store for me shortly before my trip. I had no idea this would turn into a therapeutic trip instead of just a fun one.

زندانی

ویزای همه کشورهای دنیا رو هم که داشته باشی‌، بچه هم که نداشته باشی‌، مستقل هم که باشی‌، مجرد هم که باشی‌، وقتی‌ شرایط و افراد دیگر کنترل زندگیت رو در دست دارند، اسیر و زندانی هستی‌.

بهشت آنجاست که آزاری نباشد،

کسی‌ را با کسی‌ کاری نباشد.

Possessive and Insecure

I was walking in a new neighborhood. I was trying to locate an address. I spent few minutes and failed. So, I thought I would ask a passer by. I see a couple approaching me. The guy notices me first, so I start talking to him: "excuse me". The woman jumps in front of him quickly, and starts talking to me. She gave me directions. I could not help thinking about how protective of her partner she was, and how rude her body language was. As if I was going to steal her partner, pick him up, and take him with me right there in the street.

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I was at a conference. It was the first round table lunch. A young lady sat next to me. Like all conferences, we exchanged greetings, information about our institutes, research areas, etc. First I was happy that a successful professional was so kindly getting to know me. After all, maybe we became good friends. Then, I noticed she was interested in learning about me at a more personal level: how many years I have been in the states, if I had family here, where I did my under graduate studies, etc. A few minutes passed, and I felt this did not sound like my typical first conversations at conferences when meeting new people. Then she asked a question indicating she knew I was originally from Iran. I paused. "I never told you I was from Iran, how come you asked this?", I wondered. "I saw you yesterday talking to my Iranian friends in Farsi", she said. It all came together. She had noticed me before I had even met her. She made it her mission to come sit next to me for lunch to figure out all about me. After all, who was I shaking hands and introducing myself to a guy I had met for the first time in my life, who she happened to like so much?

She continued being sensitive to me during the rest of the conference, and it was getting on my nerves. My sole existence bothered her. She tried her best to be nice. I never saw anyone happier when saying goodbye to me. "You are leaving?", she asked happily. Did she think I planned on moving to a new city just because of a conference? Did not she realize we were all passengers who had to co-exist in the same place just for a few days?

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I understand they are sensitive. I understand they may be in love. I understand jealousy is a natural feeling. What I do not understand is what gives them the right to offend me, to hurt me, the very first time they meet me in their lives, before they even know my name, to treat me as if I have no moral values, no principles. I felt sorry for them: They were trying so hard to protect something they did not have.

Priceless Moments

Sleepover.

Victoria: "Aunt Nargess?!"
Me: "Yes?".
Victoria: "Do you have a flash light?"
Me: "Yes, why?"
Victoria: "We can play flash light tag, and tell spooky stories at night".
Me: "Spooky stories chie? We will have a pillow fight!".
Natalie, Victoria: "Yeaahhhh!".
Natalie: "Aunt Nargess!?"
Me: "Yes?"
Natalie: "Can we have pillow fight now?"
Me: "We will have it when we sleep".
Natalie: "Aunt Nargess?!"
Me: "Yes?"
Natalie: "Can we sleep now?"
Me: "I am not ready yet, it is early"
Natalie: "But we are ready ...".
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Trying to fall sleep:

Victoria: "Aunt Nargess?!"
Me: "Yes?"
Victoria: "Can we have toast and Nutella for breakfast tomorrow?"
Me: "Yes".
Victoria: "Aunt Nargess?!"
Me: "Yes?"
Victoria: "I love you".
Me: "I love you too honey".

----------------------------------------
In the morning....

Victoria: "Aunt Nargess?!"
Me: "Yes?"
Victoria: "I am hungry".
Me: "Ok, we will have breakfast soon".
Victoria: "What time is breakfast?"
Me after looking at the clock, God it is just 7:35 am on a Sunday: "8 o'clock".
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At breakfast table:

Natalie: "Aunt Nargess!?"
Me: "Yes?"
Natalie: "I miss you".
Me: "I am right here honey, in front of you!".
Natalie: "Excuse me one moment, I will be right back".
She goes to the other room, where I could not see her.
She called: "Aunt Nargess!?".
Me: "Yes!?"
Natalie: "I miss you!"
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After breakfast:

Natalie: "Aunt Nargess?!"
Me: "Yes?"
Natalie: "Can we go to the park together?"
Me: "Yes".
I thought for a bit and continued:
"But you have to play with each other, I cannot run around and play with you".
Natalie frowned, and went to the study:
"We are not coming out until you say you will play with us!".
I continued checking emails and using the silence.
Natalie opens the door: "Aunt Nargess?!"
Me: "Yes?"
Natalie: "Can you please say that because we really want to come out".

-------------------------------------------------------
After the park, the kids were watching cartoons, I had the computer on my lap, and Victoria is sitting behind me on the coach, acting as a hair dresser and playing with my hair.

Victoria: "aunt Nargess! You have a white hair!".
Natalie: "Victoria, she is too young to have white hair!".
"Well, she does.", Victoria responded as she pulled out that strand of hair as evidence and held it in the air.
Me: "Yes honey, I do. Thanks for pointing that out."
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The next day, I open my drawer to take out a shirt. There is a letter on top:
"Dear Aunt Nargess,
.... I miss you with all my heart. .... eat healthy.
I love you. I'll be thinking of you.
Love, Natalie."
... and I start the day with a smile, not knowing how on earth I deserve this.

Met Expectations*

I had the office to myself for three weeks. I enjoyed the peace and managed to do a lot. My officemate was back from his vacation just in time for the football season. I sure did not look forward to the guys' discussion on their fantasy football brackets and analysis of games before and after lunch time.

It was his first day back, after lunch time. He came back to the office, with some of the other guys following him. I was used to this by now. They would talk a few minutes to end a discussion, or just to linger their fun time. I thought naturally they had more to talk about, catching up for the three weeks. However, I could see my officemate was trying to get rid of his friend, while they were both laughing. "Where is it? Is it here?", the other guy asked. "There is nothing here, I promise you", my officemate repeated while laughing. I entered the game of giving my officemate a hard time "what are you looking for, maybe I know where it is". Finally, my officemate could get rid of the annoying colleagues. A few minutes passed and we were working in silence.

He broke the silence: "I wanted to tell you first this morning, but you left for a meeting". It sounded serious. "I proposed when I was in India", he said. "Congratulations!", I said with a smile. I was surprised I was not surprised! I think I surprised him too. I had seen so many of my Indian friends going to India and coming back with a wife that deep down I knew one time he comes back from India he will have such an announcement. Apparently, he had surprised himself too. It was not an arranged marriage like most cases, but traditional for sure.

He had met this girl in a party, really liked her, kept talking to her during his stay, and he felt he will be losing something if he did not try his chance. He said "I had to ask her, if she said no, I knew at least I tried, but she said Yes!". Here I was, listening to this colleague and friend of over seven years, telling me he is getting married to a girl he met three weeks ago for the first time in his life. He had also got the parents' approval and had some sort of ceremony indicating they are now together. "The time difference is the worst part, I can call her at night, but I do not want to wake her up early in the morning", he continued. "Call her before coming to work", I suggested. "But when I wake up, I just want to get out and come to work, I do not feel like talking in the morning", he said. "You know, she is going to be there every morning", I said. He held his head with both hand "Oh, no, do not remind me", we were both laughing. "You have no idea what you have done, do you?", I asked jokingly. "No, I have no idea what I have done", he admitted as he was laughing. "And then there are all these emails coming, I think they want to know the date of the wedding to start planning for the party, and I am like, I do not know, I just proposed." I knew his real problem. He did not know how to handle all those emails from the girl and her parents and relatives. He is not good with emails even for work. He prefers meetings or phone calls. When he has to respond to the management, he has a hard time coming up with sentences. He often first writes one or two lines, asks me to read it over just to tell him if it would be appropriate or not, or to suggest how to edit it. I continued: "tell them I do not like emails, and I do not feel like talking on the phone in the mornings, see you in six months at the wedding", as we were both giggling. We even went over a related sitcom's episode, as we usually do about any event from printer jams to memos in our office. "This is so much fun", I could hardly stop laughing. "Wait, your time will come too!", he responded. And that is how we celebrated a new beginning in our office.

* Our performance appraisal has different categories including "fails to meet expectations","meets expectations", "meets and exceeds expectations", etc.

خانه آباد!

بد‌ترین کاری که تا به حال داشتم، وقتی‌ بود که در زمان دانشجویی در یک شرکت تلفنی جواب تلفن مشتری‌ها رو میدادم. من جواب دو خط فارسی‌ و انگلیسی رو میدادم. هچ کس هم که تلفن نمی‌‌کرد بگه، به به چقدر سرویس شما خوبه، خسته نباشید. همه یا صورت حسابشون اشتباه بود، یا سرویسشون قطع شده بود یا درست کار نمیکرد. خلاصه هر کس یک جور عصبانی بود و گله ایی داشت. بعضی‌‌ها هم هنوز سلام نکرده، داد و بیداد راه می‌‌انداختند و دعوا داشتند، و یا بر عکس بعد از یک بار تماس به حد آزار دهنده‌ای دوستانه میشدند و ول نمی‌کردند. ما هم هیچ وقت اجازه نداشتیم تلفن رو روی مشتری قطع کنیم. البته خوب کارمند‌ها هم صبرشون حدی داشت. بعضی‌‌ها به قیمت از دست دادن کارشون، یا با این تصمیم که دیگه حاضر به ادامه اون کار نیستند، جواب طرف رو میدادند و تلفن رو محکم میکوبیدند.

یکی‌ از اون روزها طبق معمول تلفن‌ها رو پشت سر هم جواب میدادم. روی خط فارسی‌، خانومی زنگ زده بود که از همون سلام علیکش فهمیدم افغانی بود، و نه ایرانی. چند تا تلفن بین المللی داشت که هی‌ در دقیقه اول قطع شده بودند، و هزينه هاى ايجاد ارتباط اوليه الکی‌ الکی‌ روی هم جمع شده بودند. صورت حسابش رو چندین بار مرور کردم و هرچی‌ رو که می‌تونستم به حسابش برگردوندم. شاید کلا ۱۰ دلاری بهش پس دادم. این خانوم خیلی‌ خوش حال شد و از من تشکر کرد، و موقع خدا حافظی به من گفت "خانه آباد"! خیلی‌ به دلم چسبید، و خستگی‌ از تنم در رفت. یکی‌ از زیباترین دعا هایی بود که کسی‌ برایم کرده بود، و میدونم در اون زمان برای او که افغانی بود چقدر پر معنا بود.

این روز ها، صبح‌ها که به اداره رانندگی‌ می‌کنم، توی رادیو اغلب از اوضاع افغانستان و انتخاباتی که در پیش دارند گزارش هایی پخش میکنند. حس عجیبی‌ دارم وقتی‌ صدای مردم رو توی زمینه به فارسی‌ میشنوم. اون‌ها از آینده، امید، سازندگی، و دوران نقاهت مملکتشون پس از دوران طالبان حرف میزنند. هنرمندانشون بعد از مدتها راحت آهنگ میخونند، میرقصند، و در استادیوم هایی که مردم در زمان طالبان به دار آویخته می‌‌شدند، جشن میگیرند. امیدوارم انتخابات آنها به سلامتی و درستی‌ برگزار بشه. امیدوارم امیدشون ناامید نشه. دوست دارم به اون خانوم، و دوستان دیگر افغانی بگویم "خانه آباد". خانه ما هم آباد!

نداى آزادى

سال سوم رياضى، دبيرستان نداى آزادى. دو سه ماه از سال تحصيلى گذشته بود و ما هنوز معلم جبر نداشتيم. جبر درس اصلى ما بود و همه در حال آماده شدن براى كنكور سال بعد در دبيرستان نمونه مردمى! بالاخره پس از نوشتن نامه ها به مدير مدرسه، و در خواست رسيدگى و نشنيدن جوابى، صبر ما به سر رسيد و روزى تصميم گرفتيم صبح از سر صف به كلاس نرويم تا مدير مدرسه با ما حرف بزند و مشكل ما را حل كند.

روز موعود فرا رسيد. ناظم اعلام كرد: سه دو! "ما با خانوم مدير كار داريم!"، نماينده كلاس گفت. "خانوم بفرماييد سر كلاس!"، يك بار، دو بار، سه بار اين مكالمه تكرار شد. كلاس دومى ها و اولى ها رفتند سر كلاس. سه يك و سه دو، سر پا، در حياط ايستادند. يك ساعت گذشت. مدير به حياط نيامد. بعد اسم ها تك تك به دفتر صدا زده شدند. دوستان با يك برگه خروجى مى آمدند بيرون. لطف كرده بودند محترمانه اخراجمان ميكردند. براى اينكه اخراجى در پرونده مان ثبت نشود ، ميگفتند كه مثلا ما به خاطر تغير خانه تقاضاى تعويض مدرسه مان را كرده ايم. اميد داشتند ما بترسيم و پشيمان شويم. ما اون روز تا آخرين زنگ در حياط ايستاديم.

نه مدير آمد ببيند درد ما چيست نه ناظم پا در ميانى ميكرد: "ما براى امنيت كشور هم كه شده بايد چند تا از شما ها رو اخراج كنيم!"، خانوم ناظم فرمودند. عجب! ما انقدر مهم بوديم و پر قدرت، و خبر نداشتيم! "شما رو آمريكا تحريك كرده"، اين خانوم ادامه دادند. ما هم با بچه ها مى خنديديم و مى گفتيم "آره، ديشب بيلى جون خودش بهم زنگ زد"! مدير محترم تنها كارى كه كردند به اداره آموزش و پرورش منطقه تلفن كردند، اين شورش را گزارش دادند، و از فردا دم در مدرسه ما مامور انتظامى با تفنگ ايستاد، تا ديگه ما باشيم از اين غلط ها نكنيم و معلم جبر نخواهيم. شاگرد رشته رياضى را چه به معلم جبر داشتن؟! چه ادعاها!

امروز اسم دبيرستان من پر معنا تر شده. مردم به ياد ندا با نوشته هاى "نداى آزدى" به تظاهرات ميروند. نمى دانم امروز، بچه هاى نداى آزادى هم آيا نداى آزادى سر مى دهند؟ شايد همان اعتماد به نفسى كه اين اسم اون سال ها به ما مى داد، باعث بشه اين بار خواسته هايى بالا تر از معلم جبر را مطالبه كنند. امروز فيلم هاى خيابان عباس آباد و سهروردى را در آتش و شلوغى ديدم، و ياد نداى آزادى افتادم و صد ها بارى كه از عباس آباد و سهروردى واپادانا از مدرسه به خانه بر مى گشتم.

ريه هاى لذت پر اكسيژن مرگ است- سهراب سپهرى

هر نفسى كه فرو مى رود ممد حيات است و چون بر مى آيد، مفرح ذات. پس در هر نفسى دو نعمت موجود است و بر هر نعمتى شكرى واجب! -- سعدى

جنگى كه از اون جون سالم به در بردى، هر تصادف شديدى كه به خير گذشته، هر غده بد خيم كه به موقع به وجودش پى بردى و درش آوردى، هر فرود اضطرارى هواپيمايى كه ميتونست سقوط كنه، به تو ياد آورى ميكنه كه هنوز زنده اى. هر لحظه معجزه ايست، هر لبخند معجزه ايست، هر نگاه معجزه ايست. به شكرانه اين همه نفس زندگى را معنا كن.

!جاش خالى نباشه، سبز باشه

ما ايرانى ها وقتى دلمون براى كسى كه به هر دليل ازمون دوره تنگ ميشه، ميگيم "جاش خاليه". اما شيرازى ها نميتونن به راحتى جاى خالى عزيزى رو بپذيرن، به جاش ميگن "جاش سبزه". وقتى هم كسى سفر رفته يا به هر دليلى نيست و ميخوان جاخاليش رو به خانوادش بگن، ميگن "جاش خالى نباشه، سبز باشه". حالا اين روز ها جاى خيلى ها بين خانواده هاشون تو ايران سبزه، سبز سبز.

Silence or not?

There are times you have to speak up.
Like when your basic rights are violated,
When you are betrayed,
When you are considered a fool.
You need to declare you know,
You are not stupid,
You cannot be taken advantage of.
Your anger makes it easy to recognize this situation,
And even easier to speak up.

Then there are times you need to honor silence,
To honor a special trust,
To declare that you know s/he/they know/s.
You are just waiting for them
To do or say what they need to say.
You know it is just a matter of time,
Not whether or not they do the right thing.
If you do not last long enough and ask the inevitable question,
You may be considered as someone who does not trust the other person.
Recognizing this situation is hard.
Honoring silence is harder.
Being patient is the hardest.

I am Invisible!

We sat next to each other
Day after day
Year after year
I learned today
He never knew me

I always trusted him
Day after day
Year after year
I learned today
He never trusted me
Worse, he even betrayed my trust.

I am invisible
At least to many
No matter how close they are to me
Or how often they see me

I am invisible
I have to learn to live with that
Day after day
Year after year.

My Home is Gone.

I remember those days,
When I was a little girl,
So much in need of protection,
For Saddam could send a missile anytime.

I remember those nights,
When my family and I would sleep under our home's stairs,
Which served as our shelter.
I remember hearing the alarm drills,
Warning us of an upcoming attack.
Yet, I do not recall being scared
Not even once.
Not even during the three months that I lived in Kaazeroon.
A small city close to Shiraz.
I was there with some relatives,
To stay away from possible air strikes.

I carried as much a normal life as I could have during those years.
I would go to school,
I would worry about my grades and rank.
I would watch my afternoon cartoons.
I was never scared.

What is it now,
That so many years later,
In such a safe country
With so many resources,
Where any help is a phone call,
Or maybe a credit card number away,
I worry so easily?

What is it now,
That even when I talk everyday to my parents,
And yet they play their role in reassuring me they are fine,
I worry so much.

Oh, my home is gone,
I am so far away,
I am so helpless,
I have no shelter to turn to,
I am not my parents' little girl anymore,
I am facing the whole world alone.

I have much greater appreciation for how my parents carried life
For I know now how hard it is to stay calm
They gave me a home.
A home I felt safe in.
A home I have not been able to build for myself yet.
A home that may never be replaced.

My home is gone now.
My home is gone.
And I am watching it falling apart.
My home is gone.

It Is Only Us!

It is only us who feels the pain
It is only us who is restless
Facing these long lonely nights
It is only us
And the weight of this loneliness hurts.

Moshi Monsters

Forget about fixing the water pipes
Patching the dry walls
Painting the house

Forget about the upcoming election
Responding to everyone's comment
Convincing everyone why voting is vital to our destiny

Forget about the proposal deadlines at work
Analysis reports
Summer interns and projects

Forget about delayed phone calls to relatives
Forget about long over due visits

You are given a crucial task above all this:
To take care of an imaginary pet
For your nieces have made you a Moshi Monsters account
"Dear Aunt Nargess,
we have made you a moshi monsters acount. Your user name is -- your password is --
Victoria Natalie"

Human Rights

My colleagues and I usually get many mass e-mails at work on a daily basis. Some are about daily news and activities on center. Some about someone forgetting to turn off their car lights. Some about mandatory trainings we should take. The list is long. We have got pretty good at going through them quickly.

A few years ago, one of these e-mails stood out. I initially had read it quickly. It sounded like the building manager was reporting on maintenance of one of the restrooms. As I was about to delete it, I noticed something odd. Everyone could use that restroom. It was now a unisex bathroom! What? Really?!

I recalled the Ally McBeal show and how its unisex bathroom was the source of controversy and so many stories. The e-mail went on emphasizing guidelines for using this new bathroom. I could not understand it. Why were they introducing complications to a work place? It was not like a new law was passed that required work places have a unisex bathroom!

Apparently, I was not the only one who was puzzled. We started talking among each other, and by word of mouth the mystery revealed itself very fast: an employee in our building had had a sex-change operation. Before the operation, he was legally considered a man. After the operation, he became a she. Apparently, there is a law that says he should live with his new gender for at least three months before he could legally be recognized as a woman. So, in this three-month period, she cannot use the ladies' bathroom legally. She cannot go to the men's bathroom either because she does not look like men anymore. Legally, the employer should provide restroom for the employees. The employer cannot discriminate or fire a person based on sex/gender either. So, they have to provide her a bathroom. On the other hand, the employer cannot say this is just for that person's personal use. It should be available to all employees. So, the bathroom is made unisex and it is announced to everyone they can use it if they wish!

It was strange. Part of me actually felt proud working where every individual is valued this much.

Toilet Education

It was almost a year ago. I was coming back from a conference in San Diego. Before the flight, I went to use the ladies room. A mother and her small son entered the stall next to me. The boy asked something along the lines of whether girls had the same body parts as his. I could not help hearing how this mother was going to teach the differences to her son. "No" she said. "God created man in his own image, and then he created the woman for him, so you should remember to be kind to your wife when you grow up". She then went on emphasizing how the woman's body is not perfect like his. The message was to be kind and nice to women when he grew up, but not for the right reasons. It was patronizing. You have the perfect body, you are the image of God, and she is not. She was made for you, so the least you can do is be kind to her. In a restroom in San Diego's international airport, a boy learned from his mother he is the image of God and perfect, and women are created for him and are not perfect. In fact, he must have already felt superior to his own mom! I was puzzled during my whole flight.

So Long Hubble

"Hubble now back on its own for the final time with a gentle release by one but carrying the finger prints of hundreds of thousands", announced the speaker, as Atlantis said goodbye to Hubble.

Love and Jealousy

"Victoria, do you know you are going to have a new cousin?", I asked tonight happily.
"Yes, that sucks!", she replied strongly.
"Why?", I wanted to hear it from her.
"Because you should only be our aunt".
"Yes!", Natalie agreed firmly.
Oh, I can never get enough of their love.

Blue Sky *

We've waited long for this day to come
For all the midnight lights we've burnt into the morning sun
I can't wait to see your sweet mysteries
The moon, the stars, the sun, the universe, the galaxies
Fly home on your silver wings
With a new song for the world to sing
Light this candle, make it right

Yes, you can change the world
True love discovers, and
She stands, and she won't back down

Oh yes, you can change the world
There is no other one
Believe and you will find blue sky

Gonna chase the dream, we gonna set it free
Gonna make it real, gonna make it shine, gonna keep it grooving on
One small stepping stone, baby we're not alone
Gonna take you farther, higher, faster then you're out of sight

You've got my flame in your fire, baby
You've got my twinkle in your eye,
Reaching for the distant light

Yes, you can change the world
True love discovers, and
She stands, and she won't back down

Oh yes, you can change the world
There is no other one
Believe and you will find blue sky

Don't you change too late, hey, yeah yeah
Or Fade away, yeah, yeah, oh,
My stars won't wait

Yes, you can change the world
True love discovers, and
She stands, and she won't back down

Oh yes, you can change the world
There is no other one
Believe and you will find blue sky

by Big Head Todd and The Monsters


* This song was originally written for Discovery's launch in 2005 (STS 114), the first space flight after Columbia's disaster. Later, it became Hillary Clinton's campaign song. Today, it describes thoughts and feelings of most people at GSFC, who are counting down for the launch of Atlantis, (STS 125) last Hubble's servicing mission, scheduled for launch on May 11, 2009, after more than a year of delays and unexpected obstacles on the way.

Just Be

Grown-ups like to make heroes of themselves
For making sacrifices for their kids
For doing this and that for their sakes
You look deeper and you see
So often the innocent angels are used as tools
For pushing grown-ups' dirty games

They are used and manipulated
Their innocent hearts are scratched
And no matter how hard you try
You cannot really do anything
For s/he is not your kid
You have no authority

You are helpless
You watch
All you can do is just to be there,
"Just be there for them",
You think,
And that is all you can do
You are helpless

I am helpless
Hoping not to break into tears this afternoon
When I see my angels
For I do not know how much longer I can enjoy these regular gatherings
My heart is in one thousand pieces
And all I can do is just to be

Just be
Just be the aunt they love
Just be
Maybe they remember
Maybe
Maybe

Just be
Just be
Just be

Routine

To my dear friends,
Lost in ordinariness and routine of their daily tasks

We have often heard,
Do what you love, and
You do not have to work another day.

I would like to propose a different approach.
We are all unique individuals.
Thus, no two people can perform a task exactly the same,
No matter how routine and ordinary it may seem.

For example, to enter the campus where I work,
I pass the security guards everyday.
They are there, rain or shine,
Under the hot sun or freezing snow.

I think to myself, there is no job more boring than this:
Check everyone's badge and let them get in.
Yet, each guard has a different approach to it.

Some, have a sense of honor and duty.
They think they are contributing to a great cause.
Helping to service the Hubble telescope, or orbit moon.
They secure mission success*,
They give you a polite "Good morning Ma'am",
The warmest "Welcome back"s,
And the most sincere "stay safe"s.
They make your day start right,
With positive energy.

There are others who take things under their own control
They make small talk with every driver
They get to know each of them a little more everyday
They view their jobs as an opportunity to befriend the brightest minds

And then there are the sad ones
The ones that make you feel guilty everyday
They barely look at you,
They feel so tired, so bored, so fed up with their jobs,
You feel sorry for them.

They are all doing the same job,
It is what they make of it that makes the difference
How they value it
How they view it***
How they try to make it meaningful

As long as we connect with other human beings
There are hearts and minds to learn from, to connect with, to conquer
And that is nowhere near boring.

Then there are other jobs,
Which in their own description,
Demand affecting people's way of thinking,
The way they approach life and problems
Like teachers, researchers, psychologists, etc.
Yet, these experts find themselves exhausted in the ordinariness of these jobs.

So, if you have not found something you love to do,
Give meaning and find a higher purpose
For what you do in the meantime,
Because that will keep you going.

Before that, please tell me
How can any task be routine,
When No man ever steps in the same river twice,
for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.**

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* This came out of an OpenGoddard's discussion, when trying to come up with a slogan for the group. The idea was to start a campaign "We -- Mission Success" and everyone would fill the blank based on their duties.
** Heraclitus
*** Here are two other anecdotes of how different people view the same job differently:
1. From an OpenGoddard post:
One day, a man walked by a building where three men were cutting stones. He went up to the first, seemingly unhappy man, and asked “What are you doing?” The stone cutter replied, saying “breaking rocks.”

The man walked up to the next stone cutter, who seemed to be enjoying his job more than the first. He asked, “What are you doing?” The second stone cutter smiled, saying “earning a living.”

Finally the man came to the third stone cutter, who was singing and dancing while cutting his stone. As before, the man asked “What are you doing?” The stone cutter joyfully responded, saying building a cathedral!”

2. President Kennedy once visited a NASA site in 1960s and encountered a janitor. Kennedy asked the janitor, "And what's your job?" The reply was, "Mr. President, I'm helping to put a man on the moon."

Brutally Honest

I have been brutally honest.
I have paid a high price for it.
The rewards were greater though,
For I am now surrounded by dear ones
Who not only appreciate this quality
But also demand nothing less.

I made the right choice

For I passed you by
Without feeling anything.
I laugh more often,
And feel much lighter,
Without you.

Earth Hour

My friends and I observed the Earth Hour last night in a party. An Iranian friend of mine found the beginning of Spring, the Persian New Year, Easter, St. Patrick's day, etc. good excuses to host a party for his friends of many nations. The host asked me to prepare a toast in appreciation of mother Earth few hours before the party. So, I searched for poems and quotations about Earth among my favorite poets. I thought I would emphasize we only have one home planet, one Earth. Even if we find life in other planets, as we are actively searching to do so, it would take decades before we understand those environments, learn how to adapt and live there, let alone build civilizations. I decided to close with a verse from a poem of Robert Frost:

"Earth's the right place for love: I don't know where it's likely to go better".

Many seemed to like it! I was glad, my job was done. Later, one of the guests asked me if I read and like Robert Frost's writings. I said I have read some of them and like them. Then, he recited this beautiful poem from him to me:

"The rose is a rose,
And was always a rose.
But now the theory goes
That the apple's a rose,
And the pear is, and so's
The plum, I suppose.
The dear only knows
What will next prove a rose.
You, of course, are a rose
But were always a rose."

It was a nice night to remember.

One Moment

Thousands of miles farther
Many fortunes later
I have arrived
For that one gaze
For that one smile
For that one moment with you

Passive Aggressiveness

Something is bothering you:
What a friend said,
What a colleague did,
How an organization is being run.

You keep your silence.
What is the point after all?
Nothing is going to change,
You rather believe.
You keep getting hurt.
You build up anger within yourself,
More and more everyday.

What if you speak up?
What would you lose if no one hears you out?
What if someone does?
What if something changes?
What if you learn you were wrong?
Maybe you had no reason to be mad to begin with!
Maybe you learn something you did not know!

You accept the status quo.
You accept the behavior you do not like.
You do not give others an opportunity to explain, to improve, to gain your trust.
You allow yourself to blame others for your unhappiness.
After all,
If others resolve the issue,
Who else would you have to blame?
So, you keep quiet.
You resist change.
You resist being proven wrong.
You protect yourself.
You hide behind others.

Speak up gently sometimes.
Ask questions.
Declare your feelings.
Declare your thoughts.
Give others the benefit of the doubt.
You may see more clearly.
You may live happier.

Risk

I faced my fears
Through a very simple task
Which was a huge deal for me

I took a risk
I placed myself in a vulnerable situation
Once again, against all odds

Now I am relieved
I am glad I faced my fears
A small step for mankind
A giant leap for my kind!