Weaning

I learned today from a mother going through the weaning process for her child that one approach to do so is called "Do not offer it, do not refuse it". I could not help thinking how the same method could be applied to other situations, when dealing with grown ups and their inner child.

What were you thinking?

And one day, she the logical one, learned a lesson; that if one day she wanted to yell at someone what the hell were you thinking?, the answer might be as simply as I trusted him/her!

كباب

فكر ميكند سنش زياد است، خيلى زياد، حتى يك موقع هايى نگران ميشود كه نكند انقدر پا به سن گذاشته كه دچار بحران ميانسالگان شده باشد. اما نميداند كه وقتى با عجله مياد تو آشپزخونه كه ببينه شام چيه و با ذوق و كمى خجالت يواش ميپرسد "كباب درست كردى؟"، صورتش عين يك پسر بچه كوچك است، كه اگر همون موقع بهش كباب ندى، ممكنه گريه كنه.

يكى هست، يكى ديگه هم هست!

يكى هست چون ميدونه شما چايى دوست داريد، از روى احترام و رعايت حال شما، با شما چايى ميخوره، يا صبر ميكنه شما چايى تون رو بخوريد. يكى هم هست كه معنى چايى رو ميفهمه، خودش عاشق چايى هست، به قداست و ارزش چايى ايمان داره، و كيف ميكنه كه باشما چاى بنوشه.

يكى هست از روى احترام به شما و رعايت حال شما كفشش رو دم در در مياره، اما خودش ممكنه پا برهنه رو آسفالت هم راه بره يا با كفشش تو اتاق خواب و رو تختش بره، يكى هم هست مثل شما با همه وجودش جرم ها و ميكروبها رو ميبينه.

يكى هست از روى ادب به داستانها و علايق شما و آرزوهاتون گوش ميده، يكى هم هست كه واقعا با همه وجود ميخواد اونها رو بشنوه، و تا ميتونه سعى كنه شما هم به آرزوها و خواسته هاتون برسيد.

يكى هست از روى احترام به شما و رعايت حال شما، نميخواهد مانع شادى و خوشبختيتون بشه و ميذاره شما علايقتون رو دنبال كنيد، يكى هم هست كه غير از شادى و خوشحالى شما چيز ديگرى رو اصلا نميتونه بپذيره.

يكى هست سعى ميكنه اونى باشه كه شما دوست داريد، يكى هست واقعا اونى هست كه شما دوست داريد.

Sharing happiness

I never understand it when people have some good news and they keep it to themselves and not share it. Do not you want to celebrate and share your happiness with your loved ones if not with the whole world? How can one be happy if happiness is not shared? Or is it that they are not really happy, even though the news seems good?

Choices choices choices.

These days I am appreciating the power of having choices and making decisions more and more in my life. I have realized that it has not always been the case that things that I said yes to greatly affected my life, but also things that I said no to. Looking back at the past few months, and even past few years, had I made those choices that presented themselves to me in beautiful packages, those that were very hard to resist and say no to, my life would have been very different. I would not have been truly myself. I would not have any room left in my life to say yes to those things that I cared about, that I loved, that I enjoyed. I would not have the opportunity to say yes to my hopes and dreams when the opportunity presented itself. I would not have been able to enjoy the company of the ones who I love had I chosen to spend my time with those I do not admire much. I am happy not just for the choices that I made, but also for those that I did not despite circumstances and everyone trying to convince me otherwise. I know, there is an irony, not doing something is making a choice too. We always have a choice, and we always make choices, and thank God for having the freedom and the choice to choose.

رابطه سالم

آهاى ملت! وقتى با كسى هستيد كه همه اش بايد فكر كنيد، حالا نوبت كيه تلفن كنه، نوبت كيه ايميل كنه، نوبته كيه به بيرون دعوت كنه، ميترسيد سر حرفى رو باز كنيد، ميترسيد از احساساتتون بگيد، هر روز ميترسيد و نميدونيد تا كى با هم هستيد، احساس امنيت نميكنيد، يه چيز طرف حرصتون رو همش درمياره كه ميخواهيد سرش هوار بكشيد اما جلو خودتونو هى ميگيريد، وقتى خودتون نيستيد، راحت نيستيد، اون رابطه ناسالمه و بده براى شما، ول كنيد بريد پى زندگيتون، طرفتون رو هم آزاد كنيد. پيدا ميشه اون كسى كه براى شما مناسبه، به خدا ميشه. نشه هم تنهايى با سلامت و آرامش و شادى صد شرف داره با بودن با كسى كه آدم و خوار و كوچيك و عصبى و مريض ميكنه. باور كنيد راست ميگم. بذاريد روح و جسمتون جا براى پذيرفتن يك رابطه سالم داشته باشه به جاى اينكه اسير يك رابطه ناسالمش كنيد. خودتون هم خودتون رو گول نزنيد. اونوقت از بقيه چه انتظارى داريد؟ از من گفتن.

Words of Wisdom

She is a very intelligent and peaceful friend from graduate school. Her choices in life were different from most people who got a PhD in computer science. Though I do not share her religious views, both me and another close friend admire her manner and choices immensely. She prioritizes her tasks and reminds herself everyday what is important in life, and by doing so she keeps saying no to things that matter less, or to tasks that would take time away from things that matter to her.

It was over three years ago that she sent out an email to me and other close friends to share her experiences of the new chapter she had opened in her life. This morning I thought of her and that email. I searched in my mail box, craving to read those words. As if she had written and saved her words of wisdom and advice for today that I needed to hear them. I found the email. I read it. It was as if I had stepped into her office like the old times in graduate school and she was giving me advice. I felt calm and relax again. I looked at my response to her email over three years ago: "I am sure I will find reading this email useful during different times in my life. " Wow, how did I know this so clearly? I am not that bad myself.

Jasmine

جسمين كوچولو به لهستانى، فارسى، و انگليسى جيك جيك ميكند. به قدرى باهوش هست كه بزرگترها به هچ زبانى نميتوانند پناه ببرند كه او چيزى نفهمد. سر شام پدر از مادر ميپرسد

How was her napping situation today?

جسمين كوچولو سريع قبل از مادر محكم پاسخ ميدهد:

Good!

مامان جسمين يواش به من ميگويد يواشكى شكلات براى چاى ات مياورم كه جسمين نبيند. هنوز به سمت آشپزخانه نرفته دنبال مامانش ميدود ميرود و
cookie, cookie
ميكند.

در پارك با دختر چهار پنج ساله اى بازى ميكند، اما همچنان رهبرى اين كه كجا بروند و چه بازى بكنند را در دست دارد. از پارك بر ميگرديم كه بابا را كه از سر كار آمده ببينيم. در طول راه بابا بابا ميكند. بعد ماشين من را پشت در ميبيند. به ماشين اشاره ميكند و بعد ميپرسد "عمه"؟ ميگويم آره اين مال عمه است.

جسمين هنوز دو سال ندارد!

جسمين عاشق انگور است. از توى ظرف هى انگور بر ميدارد و انگور انگور ميكند، و به همه انگور ميدهد. مامان بزرگ لهستانى به او ميگويد "بيگ انگور"، و ما ميخنديم كه او كه لهستانى است فارسى و انگليسى را با هم قاطى ميكند تا با جسمين حرف بزند.

آدمها هميشه ميتوانند با هم حرف بزنند اگر بخواهند.
و تا وقتى كه همه با هم حرف ميزنند، همه چيز خوب است، حتى اگر زبان هم را نفهمند.
اما امان از روزى كه همزبان باشند و با هم حرف نزنند و حرف هم را نفهمند!

همدلى از همزبانى برتر است.

Keep looking!

He was working hard to convince her. He could not believe her. He needed reasoning, he needed logic. "I do not know why, I just know it does not feel right", she told him. She knew he was not the one. "How would you know someone is the one? Would he have a sign on his forehead saying I am the one?", he frustratedly asked. "I do not know, I would just know", somehow she believed in that, even though she had never met the one. Somehow that was the biggest reasoning that could not be refuted. Years passed. There were times she doubted her belief system, but she kept going. Till one day, she found the one. She just knew it, and she was not alone.

"If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."
Steve Jobs, 2005.

آن ترك شيرازى

امان از دست اين ترك شيرازى كه معلوم نيست اگر به دست آرد دل ما را چه بايد كرد برايش. حافظ بنده خدا ميخواسته سمرقند و بخارا را به او ببخشد، مورد انتقاد قرار گرفته كه چرا از خودت مايه نميذارى. صائب تبريزى ميگويد كه من كه مثل حافظ از كيسه خليفه نميبخشم، جونم و فدا ميكنم. بعدى اومده گفته، جان رو به گور اهدا ميكنند نه به ترك شيرازى كه بدبخت دل شما رو به دست هم آورده. حقش هست عزا دار بشه آخه؟ خلاصه دعوايى بوده بين شاعران. حالا اين ترك شيرازى اول دل ما را به دست بياورد، تا بقيش، شما دعوا نكنيد. خودم ميام اين مشكل تاريخى رو براتون حل ميكنم، اصلا غصه نخوريد.

پ.ن. اين دعواها و شعرها اينجا هستند:
http://hafez.tarikhema.ir/Hafez/article-15

Delete

I just deleted you.
Selected a folder, and hit delete.
It was that easy.