زابل

امروز صبح در رادیو ملی واشنگتن دی سی‌، گزارشی از خشکسالی در مرز افغانستان و ایران پخش شد. در برنامه با یک پیر مرد زابلی کشاورز مصاحبه شد. صداش در زمینه بود و برگردان انگلیسی روش. از این میگفت که کشاورزی تنها راه در آمدشون هست، که دولت ایران هیچ سرمایه گذاری در آنجا نمیکنه و خشکسالی سالهای متوالی ضربه زیادی به مردم آنجا زده. اینکه هیچ کارخانه ای‌ آنجا نیست. حتی واردات کمی که از افغانستان می‌کردند دیگر امکان پذیر نیست چون دولت مرز رو به خاطر ترافیک مواد مخدر بسته. اینکه رسانه‌های ایران زابل رو خیلی‌ پوشش نمیدهند. و من به این فکر می‌کردم که در تمام مدت زندگی‌ در ایران، هیچ شناخت كافى‌ از زابل و مردمانش نداشتم و هیچ وقت صدای آن‌ هموطنانم را نشنیدم. فقط يك بار سفرنامه اى چاپ كانون پرورش فكرى كودكان و نوجوانان از يك خبر نگار كه به سيستان و بلوچستان رفت بود را خوانده بودم. عكس هاى آن كتاب و آشنايى با شدت فقر آنها و اينكه بچه هاى آنجا چقدر متفاوت از من زندگى ميكردند، من را به شدت تكان داده بود. حالا صبح ، در راه کار، این سر دنیا، صدای این مرد زابلی به گوش من میرسه. راستی‌ پیر مرد میدون صداش رو مردم در آمریکا امروز صبح شنیدند؟ می‌دونه واشینگتن دی سی‌ کجاست؟ اثر این گزارش ٔبر زندگی‌ او چه خواهد بود؟ آیا سفر خبر نگارهای بی‌‌بی‌سی نیوز و ان پی‌ آّر برای تهیه این گزارش باعث توجّه هر چند موقتی به این مردم شده؟

Good writers

I think being a good writer and speaker, has more to do with having something of value to say and share, than it does with writing and speaking skills.

Friends

I think I have been depressed lately. For the first time, I think I really felt for people who had gone through this. I could see and feel how draining it can be. How hard it can get to do the most simple daily tasks. Me, who was full of life and passion, find it hard to put myself together and do my job. I find myself procrastinating.  It takes forever to finish a few charts.

 -"It is hard to focus and get things done these days", I told an old friend and colleague that I admire a lot.
 -"You will have better days gradually. It takes at least 6 months to a year to even get used to the idea of loss".
 I nodded.

 A couple of days ago, I found myself talking and laughing, surrounded by old and new friends in a short casual get-together. Maybe I can get back to my old self. That is what getting out of your routine, good friends and people do. They bring you out of your shell, remind yourself to you, bring you glimpses of hope. Maybe I will be all right again.

It is my life

Sometimes we hide behind excuses like work, study, kids, etc, to avoid participating in an event or task, when deep down we know we do not want to do something no matter what.  Sometimes we do not have the courage to admit it to ourselves, let alone to others.  Sometimes we are developed to feel ashamed of our choices by our culture, society, family, or ourselves.  We have the right to be who we want to be and live how we want to, do not we?  Why is it then such a hard battle just to live your own life?

Theory is just theory.

Theories are nice in theory.  Reality is I cannot practice all the theories I hear.  There is something in us as humans that distinguishes us from animals. Maybe we should not be at ease like Sa'adi said when our own kind is in misery.  But then, is there an end to human kind's miseries? From hunger in Africa, wars and killings, diseases that kill, tsunamis, to financial and emotional failures, there is so much pain and hardship going on in the world.  Can we protect ourselves by rationalizing and accepting indifference? 

The battle within me continues.  I know I feel better when I do not try to protect myself by staying away.   I have also learned there is a limit to my ability to help others without jeopardizing my own health and well-being.  I have to find a balance.  I have to define some borders and boundaries; Just like my supervisor was advising regarding my professional job and duties.  I have to think about how far I can go to help someone out, no matter how close they are to me.  What is my limit?  Where is my boundary?

Make sure your kids know

To all parents out there:

Please please do not lose a chance to express your love and care to your kids. Hug them, kiss them, hold them tight, tell them you love them.  If you get upset and tired and say something less than kind, apologize to them.  Ask for their forgiveness.  Make sure they know they are loved, valued, respected, and that no one can treat them without respect.  This good you do them today, saves them and you a lot of headaches in future.  They won't seek approvals from strangers. They won't feel not worthy of love and attention. They won't beg for love. They won't stay in unhealthy relationships. They will stand up for themselves.  They will be confident.  They will respect others' right and choices to live a happy and healthy life.  They won't doubt themselves and their inner voice.  Please please love your kids, be kind to them, love them and kiss them.  A world will be saved if every child is not only loved, but feels loved, just as they are.

Empathy vs Accountability

I am struggling with concepts of empathy and accountability.  Please bare with me as I explain my dilemma, and then help me with any suggestions or thoughts you may have.

As humans, at the very least, we cannot neglect pain of others.  We cannot be comfortable and at ease, when our own is in trouble.  The closer the connection and kinship of the person in trouble, the greater is our pain.  Sa'adi, the Persian poet, said nicely that one is not worthy of the 'human' title, if one does not empathize with other human beings.  It seems like, scientifically he has a point and most of us have mirror neurons: being able to place ourselves in someone else's shoes and feel their emotions to some extent.

Then, there is the concept of accountability: one is responsible for their own actions and its results. There are things we cannot control, like hurricanes, earthquake, or natural disasters in general, not considering the recent scientific claims that humans contribute to global climate change.  Or, we cannot control the type of family, country, or conditions we were born into.  Our thoughts, our words, our actions, we have a much better chance of controlling.

Then, imagine this scenario: a person is walking or running fast.  You know there is a big hole, or cliff, straight ahead.  You warn him/her: slow down, stop, change direction, you may fall into a big hole, or jump off the cliff, watch out!  Then s/he does not acknowledge or thank you for the heads up, or even take you seriously.  Even worse, gets offended. S/he says: you think I am blind?  I would not see in front of me? or am I stupid? Choosing my path unwisely, or without knowledge and research?  You tell them you did not mean to offend them, that you were just concerned and felt it was your duty to warn them and let them know.  They say, if I need advice or your opinion, I will ask for it.  Otherwise, it is rude to offer it.  You apologize and move on.  A while passes.  The person continues their path.  They do jump off the cliff, or fall into that deep hole, and who do they call first to rescue them?  You.  You empathize.  Help them out, stay with them while they are hurt, trying to put back their broken pieces together.  You can never tell them I told you so, because it is insensitive.  You can only hope they learn a lesson, that they may act and choose wiselier in future, or at least pause to hear you out. Unfortunately, they soon forget the pain and harm they caused themselves.  They repeat the same old cycle.  They ignore your warnings again.  They always expect you to be there and rescue them.  In fact, they call you selfish and self-centered if over time they feel the distance, lack of unconditional help and support. And you wonder, what are limits and boundaries of empathizing and holding people accountable?  Who is to hold anyone accountable anyways?  Is it your place or job?  If not, are you always to empathize, help, rescue, and pay for others' mistakes?  Is there a limit and condition on empathy?

Numbers do not lie,

...humans do!

It amazes me.  So often all it takes for people to believe a sentence and statement one makes, is to just plot a graph, put some captions around it, and claim a conclusion.  Many people immediately like or accept that statement as a fact, even when the plot has no captions for the horizontal and vertical axises, even when they do not know what the data points they are looking at are.

A few may ask questions about the data, its meaning, and source and some be satisfied with the results, but yet only a few go far enough without giving up to reveal the flaws or even just to understand them.

It saddens me that sometimes scientists choose to look at the data the way it helps them make their case.

For example, I saw a support letter a scientist wrote in support of some summer educational program, which is good to support do not get me wrong.  She said, last year we had X number of positions in  field Y which were not filled, and it clearly shows a shortage of students in  field Y.  She fails to see that a few of those X number of positions had more than X number of applicants in field Y.  That those applicants could easily be pointed to those positions that were not filled.  That this fact does not signal a shortage necessarily, rather those other positions being offered late after all summer students had planned their summer elsewhere, that maybe those positioned were not advertised well, maybe Human Resources did not act on them in a timely manner and a million other things.

The Art of Teaching

I have been really blessed to have had great professors during my undergraduate and graduate level course work, as well as patient and knowledgeable mentors who are scientists and engineers at my work.  Those who really care about education for its own sake, and the quality of work they are associated with, as well as the ethics and manner in which they conduct their business.   I realize this more and more through my limited interactions with younger generation of faculty, which I am afraid to say saddens and often disappoints me.

I have interacted with young faculty who view publication's worth as a line that gets added to their CVs or online bibliographies regardless of its content and correctness of claims they make there.  I have come across those who are hesitant to use already prepared high quality educational material in classes they already are supposed to teach anyways unless they get funding for it.  I have seen faculty submitting identical papers simultaneously to two or more venues, putting my name and submitting papers without my knowledge of the existence of the paper, let alone approving its content.
Overall, I see young faculty viewing themselves as business (wo)men, with educating students being the last thing on their minds. 

When I think about it, most faculty I admire and respect a lot belong to a generation of Americans who were born in mid 1950s.  There must have been something special about their generation.  Something that I do not think will be repeated.  Something that they will take a way with themselves.  I mourn the loss of such greatness already.

Innovation

A cool idea comes to my mind. I start brainstorming, writing notes, adding more thoughts, scenarios, cases. It looks like I have something going, I tell to myself. I feel the adrenalin rush. What if it turns to something big, what if it changes one city, one country, then the world. What if, ...? Then, you think of the logistics. How would I make it happen? Who would I bring on as team members? Should I quite my job? Where would I get funding from? I am convinced it is something worth pursuing. Then, I check the internet. I search for similar ideas and technologies. Someone else is on it already. Not too long ago, a company launched just a year ago. Someone is few steps ahead of you. It does not matter you thought you were a genius and came up with the idea all on your own, without cheating. It does not matter, it is being done. For those few minutes when you were feeling creative and innovative, that excitement, that adrenaline rush, that was enjoyable. It makes you want to experience it again. Maybe once for real, without it fading away. Are there any cool ideas left that someone has not explored yet and matches my passions too? I wonder. There is no other way around, other than to keep looking, and thinking. It is hard to be innovative in this day and age, I think.

What to do?

Did I get into the wrong field for me? While I have learned about many scientific and engineering areas through computation, and while I have been enjoying all those learning experiences, I have so many other passions and interests I like to pursue outside work that I do not have enough time for. From writing essays and stories, to introducing some changes in society and even laws! What shall one do in so little time?

Scope

It is amazing to me how sometimes the concept of scope is misunderstood or not even considered by some people.  Do you expect an astronomy journal to publish articles in medicine?  Or a math journal to publish short stories?  Usually not.  How would you judge and trust the scientific claims made in a fashion magazine?

While we may grasp the concept of the scope in above examples easily, when it comes to news organization and public media, expectations seem to change drastically.  For example, some accuse  Voice of America for not being the voice of the people of other countries outside the U.S such as Iran, Egypt, Turkey, etc.  Well, of course it is not and nor should it be in my opinion.  They can report the events and news as they happen, and how U.S. government responds to it, but that is about it.  Similarly, a local newspaper for Los Angeles has different content and objectives from a local newspaper in Baltimore or Tokyo.  In fact, if one government's media talk about goals and points of views of people in other countries, one should question their authority and judgement in doing so, in my opinion.  One can only expect truthfulness and validity of the claims and news being broadcast and hold media accountable and demand evidence for what they deliver within their scope of work, not for what they are not supposed to deliver nor for what they did not deliver.

I have seen the same thing happen on personal Blogs and Facebook pages.  Some think to show your cool factor and open-mindedness you should accept and keep all posts and comments made by others on your personal page.  Well, it is my "personal" page not a board for others to spread their ideas, especially if I do not like to promote those ideas.  My personal page is out of scope for reflecting many topics of interest to others!  I find it acceptable to delete automatic ads that are posted as comments to my blog posts as well as out of scope comments, equally the same.

I have just been needing to throw it out there once and for all.

Happy Monday!

I just love what I do, where I work, and the people I work with.  Even with all the annoying rules and bureaucracy, I still find reasons to carry on every day.  For that I am grateful, every morning, even Monday mornings.

Decisions!

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing."

--Theodore Roosevelt

In today's leadership seminar, the instructor used this quote to make her point.  As I listened, my mind drifted away to so many years of my life witnessing adults and even society's decision-makers not making any decisions, doing  nothing, at many moments of decision.  I wonder how so many things, my life, my family members' and others' lives, would have been different had more adults practiced making decisions, good or bad, during my childhood.

برخورد با زندگى

هنوز يك ماه از حادثه ماراتن بوستون نگذشته بود، كه قربانيان اين واقعه را در برنامه هاى مختلف تلوزيونى نشان ميدادند و از وضعيت سلامتيشون گزارش ميدادند.  اينكه هر روز فيزيو تراپى ميكنند، و وقتى از بانى اين حادثه از آنها ميپرسيدند، ميگفتند، ما به او فكر نميكنيم. تمام فكر و ذكر و تلاشمان اين هست كه بهبود پيدا كنيم، بتونيم با پاى مصنوعى راه بريم، و به روال زندگيمون برگرديم.  در يك برنامه تلوزيونى ديگر كه مسابقه رقص هست، چند هفته پيش گفتند كه با يكى از قربانيان واقعه بوستون كه عاشق رقص بوده كار ميكنند تا در يكى از برنامه هاى آتى آنها شركت كند.  امروز يكى ديگر از قربانيان كه هر دو پاش رو از دست داده،  توپ آغاز يك مسابقه بيسبال را از روى صندلى چرخدار انداخته بود.  در فيلمى كه از او ديدم لبخند بر روى لبانش بود! واقعا از بودن در استاديوم و زنده بودن شاد بود.

اين روحيه قوى و تفاوت بين آدمها از كجا مياد؟  حدس ميزنم از حمايت اطرافيان و جامعه از اين قربانيان.  چطور ميشه كه بعضى آدمها به خاطر حرفى كه كسى 10، 20، يا 30 سال پيش زده از او نميگذرند و  به روال زندگى بر نميگردند؟  فكر ميكنم اين تفاوت ها فراتر از تفاوت هاى فردى باشه.  واقعا فكر نميكنم كسى در ايران 1-2 ماه بعد از از دست دادن  آعضاى بدنش بتونه لبخند بزنه، اميد به زندگى و بهتر شدن داشته باشه، حداقلش تا سالها، و به حق، افسرده خواهد بود.  شايد هم آن واقع بينانه تر باشه و اينجا زيادى هميشه ميخواهند زندگى رو رنگارنگ و زيبا و تخيلى ترسيم كنند و روى تلخى ها و درد ها و زشتى ها رو زود ميپوشونند و ظاهر سازى ميكنند.  شايد ما در ايران با درد و غم ميونمون بهتره و راحت تر ميپذيريمش؟  نميدونم كدوم درسته و كدوم غلط، اما فكر كنم هر دو طرف ماجرا افراط و تفريطى داره.

My Sanctuary

Unfinished businesses and trails of thoughts are carried with me every night as I leave my small office.  Worries of the next day, weeks, months' milestones, deadlines, and meetings are with me.  I wake up, have breakfast, and drive just to get to where things happen, to make them happen, with some sense of urgency, day after day.  Then, when I open the office door, just as I sit behind my desk, an amazing sense of peace and quiet conquers me.  It has not got old and does not fail. It is as if by just being here, my own little corner, everything is going to be just fine.  The fact that I made it here one more day calls for celebration.  The quiet early hour in the morning, no officemates, no meetings, no family, no events, only me, my thoughts, my plans, my brain.  I rule my universe in that early hour of the day.  I am in my sanctuary. I am home.

Control free

It is amazing how theory and practice are different.  I think I live, act, and think independently, or like to do so, with regard to my life.  However, I have caught myself red-handed several times when something someone said or did affected me, my thoughts, or behavior, and thus in a way controlled me.  There are so many things, subtle and obvious, that controls our choices.  The struggle to be free of those external influences, being focused on our inner goals and dreams, is a constant struggle.  It is not that easy.  At least, I do not find it so.

Walk the walk

People complain about how lonely they are, how depressed they are, Yet they do not have, or rather they do not make, time to meet old and new friends, travel, or socialize. In fact, they cannot even bare the idea of giving up any of their alone time. People complain about other people, Yet they cannot live without them. Let's face it, We are all happy with things as they are, Or else we would change them. Would not we? Why pretend? Why hide behind excuses? If you like pretending, Be my guest. I do not like playing this game.

به چه قيمتى؟

و همينطور در دوره زمانه اى زندگى ميكنيم كه قهرمان بازى و قهرمان پرورى ارزش شده است و  خوب زيستن  و به زندگى بها دادن گناه كبيره.

عذر بدتر از گناه

در دوره زمانه اى زندگى ميكنيم، كه بزدلى نه تنها جا افتاده و رايج شده است، كه دليل موجه رفتار ها، و چه بسا فضيلت اخلاقى هم محسوب ميشود.