Wednesday, May 1, 2019
Mid-life reflections!
Through out my life, as a kid, teenager, young adult, I have always benefitted from talking to those who I admired, respected, or simply enjoyed their company for comfort, feedback, and guidance. I was lucky to be surrounded by good parents, friends, relatives, teachers, mentors, and colleagues. As I grew up more and gained more experience, my role and responsibilities at home and work has changed: I do not have that much free time and the luxury of talking so much with others. Also, I have lost some people. Some older colleagues who were my academic and professional mothers and fathers have retired, moved to other positions, or sadly passed away. The topics and dilemmas I face are also more advanced, specialized, and at times more personal. My past go-to people may not even have the knowledge, expertise, or qualifications to help me anymore even if they had time and were around. Even if they did, sometimes there may be conflicts of interests not allowing for providing such supports. All of a sudden, I am faced with a mid-life realization: I am a mother, supposed to be the younger generation's mentor and go-to person. I am not that little girl or young student or professional who can simply expect or rely on good people's kindness in my circles anymore. I see why there are career coaches, leadership coaches, mentoring programs, therapists, ... It is time to take advantage of available resources!
Thursday, January 17, 2019
On responsibility, accountability or blame game
Preface: Let it be noted that now we are living
through the longest government shutdown in the U.S. history. Finally,
after weeks of not working, becoming a house wife, and caring for my son
every day due to his preschool's closure, I realize I actually have
time and the mental capacity and energy to once again reflect more on my
life, and to perhaps actually write! Anyways, I found this in my old
drafts. The topic in question is still in back of my mind and worthy of
reflections, thoughts, and learning more about.
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I have been struggling with a philosophical question for years. I have a difficult time deciding or finding what the right answer is. The topic is related to dealing with difficult people. These days there are so many sites, TV and radio programs, books, forums, etc. run by psychologists discussing different topics and answering many questions. Often times, when someone in a bad relationship calls, having to deal with a difficult or troubled spouse, child, or sibling, the question comes up whether that person knows s/he needs professional help. If the answer is yes, then they ask if s/he is willing to seek that help, and then often times if the answer is no, one is advised to cut off ties with the troubled person.
There may be many reasons for someone yelling, not being able to manage their anger, being easily irritated, or being too sensitive: thyroid hormones not being in normal range, pms, postpartum depression, or simply depression, stress, anxiety, etc.
If hormones are not balanced, isn't the difficult person a victim and patient him/herself? Is it fair or right to hold them accountable for their actions and at the times they are weak, and to want them not only to have the will and energy to seek help but also to fix things? Is not expecting a depressed or in general severely ill person to take responsibility for his/her own health like expecting a car with flat tires or burned engine to drive itself to mechanic shop, seek help, pay for help, and return well?
How much those suffering from actions of these troubled and difficult individuals are responsible for not helping them get the much needed help and to go through with any treatments such as therapy sessions or taking antidepressants, etc? Especially if that person does not welcome the suggestions and refuses to act on them?
Who is to blame? To what extent are we responsible for well being of our adult loved ones, when they refuse help, be it medical, mental, or financial? If we are passing the responsibility to the person who is supposed to seek help, how much in reality can that person be held accountable for their actions if they are deficient in some hormones, vitamins, wisdom or simply lacking a healthy balance in their bodies or minds?
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I have been struggling with a philosophical question for years. I have a difficult time deciding or finding what the right answer is. The topic is related to dealing with difficult people. These days there are so many sites, TV and radio programs, books, forums, etc. run by psychologists discussing different topics and answering many questions. Often times, when someone in a bad relationship calls, having to deal with a difficult or troubled spouse, child, or sibling, the question comes up whether that person knows s/he needs professional help. If the answer is yes, then they ask if s/he is willing to seek that help, and then often times if the answer is no, one is advised to cut off ties with the troubled person.
There may be many reasons for someone yelling, not being able to manage their anger, being easily irritated, or being too sensitive: thyroid hormones not being in normal range, pms, postpartum depression, or simply depression, stress, anxiety, etc.
If hormones are not balanced, isn't the difficult person a victim and patient him/herself? Is it fair or right to hold them accountable for their actions and at the times they are weak, and to want them not only to have the will and energy to seek help but also to fix things? Is not expecting a depressed or in general severely ill person to take responsibility for his/her own health like expecting a car with flat tires or burned engine to drive itself to mechanic shop, seek help, pay for help, and return well?
How much those suffering from actions of these troubled and difficult individuals are responsible for not helping them get the much needed help and to go through with any treatments such as therapy sessions or taking antidepressants, etc? Especially if that person does not welcome the suggestions and refuses to act on them?
Who is to blame? To what extent are we responsible for well being of our adult loved ones, when they refuse help, be it medical, mental, or financial? If we are passing the responsibility to the person who is supposed to seek help, how much in reality can that person be held accountable for their actions if they are deficient in some hormones, vitamins, wisdom or simply lacking a healthy balance in their bodies or minds?
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