Different Languages of Love

It has been a few years since one of my friends introduced me to the topic of different languages of love. The book was not necessarily a scientific or research-based one, rather one of those self-help books on keeping and maintaining loving relationships. I found the topic interesting regardless.

The book had stories of couples, whom some after a lifetime of marriage, did not feel loved by their partners. They seemed to have normal lives, they were life long friends, did not necessarily had any arguments, but they did not feel recognized, appreciated, loved. Often times, the other partner was clueless on what is missing. S/he could not find any basis for his/her partner's complaints.

The book argued different people have different ways/languages for expressing their love. While one person may shower you with flowers or gifts for every occasion, another person may never express his/her love with gifts and sees them as superficial materialistic objects that can actually harm a loving bond. That person may always do things for you and make sure you are taken care of. Whether it is doing the grocery shopping, washing the dishes, giving you a ride, etc. One person may do all these great things and the partner still not be happy, because they do not seem to have much of quality time together. You may shower her in jewelry and do everything for her, but all she really wants is an hour or two of your undivided attention. You get the picture. People have different ways of expressing their love and based on their preferred language, they feel happy/loved when they are talked to in their own language.

The book listed five major love languages:

1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical Touch

I would think we probably will feel happy when any of these are applied to us, and need to be at the receiving point of all of these five languages to some extent. However, we may appreciate, or be more sensitive to, being treated (or not) through one approach much more than the other ones. So, just because you do not care for gifts, it does not mean your partner would not mind that you never give him/her anything. Just because it means the world to you when your partner helps you with the house chores, it does not mean your partner likes you to help him/her with his/her chores. S/he may be yearning for more hugs and kisses instead. It is thus important to recognize your preferred love languages and those of your partner, and to receive and express love in those languages more often.

One things is for sure though: we got to get some love in a relationship. No matter how kind and giving we are, or would like to be, we cannot continue to give and give, and not hear any of the love languages back. What do you think?