Sandra

After few days of being in the holiday mode with friends and family all the time, I just got a chance to check my home phone messages. There was one from a young lady assuming to reach an institution. She left her name, number saying she was calling with regard to receiving some information for elderly care. It was a wrong number of course. She had mentioned she had called before and no one followed up. Thinking that she has an old person to take care of and is desperate, I wanted to call her back letting her know she had the wrong number. The interesting part was that the first 7 out of 10 digits that she had left matched my own number. So I assumed she by habit must have dialed the same state and local codes, or maybe the lines in the neighborhood crossed like old times; who knows?

I dialed the number she had left. An old man picks up. "May I talk to Ms. Sandra?", I ask. "Who?" he asks back firmly. "Sandra!", I try again. "No, you have the wrong number", he responds. "Oh, ..ok", I was kind of disappointed and getting ready to hang up. "Sandra?! you want to talk to Sandra?" all of a sudden he said quickly. "Yes, yes", "you want her VA number, she is not here." he said. "May I have that number please?". I can give you her last name and you can ask the operator. "Oh, ok thanks". I wrote the last name.

I could not locate her in the white pages. There is an old man alone in one of the units in my neighborhood. A man whose daughter or granddaughter visited him sometime this holiday, just to find him in desperate need of some elderly care that she cannot provide. She tried to do something and dialed a wrong number, and she left the number of where the old man lives not her own number. He is all alone and it takes him a while to remember who Sandra is.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I love this holiday, all its beautiful fall colors, and looking for excuses to be thankful for. Every year I pause and think of what blessings I am grateful for. Always, top on my list is just the fact that I am alive, and that I survived so many things. Mostly, I evaluate my relationships. Every year there are some new ones that have formed, and some that have faded away over time. This past year have been wonderful. I have strengthen my past relationships with close friends and I have formed some wonderful new bonds. I have been blessed for getting to know Dr. Amercian Lady, the mission scientist I have been working with for the past few months. A wonderful lady full of curiosity, questions, passion, energy. One who has retired as a professor and has joined our center so that she does not get bored and keep working on her research. God, I think she works more than me at her retirement! She searches for stories of the birth and evolution of our solar system, be it by looking at Vesta or by going to and living in Antarctica and Sudan to find geological evidence and parts of asteroids that had hit Earth billions of years ago. And she did! She found meteorological parts of new kinds too, a new discovery. She did not give up her life either. She has two grown successful kids and a loving husband. Just looking at her, laughing hard at meetings, the joy and love she spreads, every minute being close to her, makes me be thankful for being in the same room. For whatever chain of events that made this possible.

Then, there is one of my old professors. From the first day I entered her office after I had received my admission to grad school to ask for some advice, on a rainy nasty day that I got lost in A. V. Williams and was late to her meeting, to all the years of my studies and her having served on my committee, and now being my best collaborator, mentor, and teacher as always. She seems tough and serious to most. To me she is a treasure with the warmest kindest heart. Seeing how hard it is to form new collaborations, even when formal official proposals and letters of commitments are written, and the work never happens, I am so grateful for her still editing my writings, giving me advice, and always being there for me, even though she does not have to.

Finally, there is a newly formed relationship that is growing. I do not know what it will become or will be, but like a newly blossomed flower in Spring, it is beautiful. Of course, I am also thankful for Turkey on Turkey day! :-)

It is a Battlefield!

I wish for a day when I do not have to fight any battles to get simple ordinary tasks done. For a day that we do not have to do repeated exhausting time-consuming paper work for the simplest things. It is half an hour before noon, before a long weekend, and I have already fought a lot. I am tired, and it takes a lot to make me tired!

Writer's block of its own kind

I have been struggling to finish a paper. Not because it is hard, not because I need more analysis, better results, or some theorem to be proved. No! I have all the information and content ready. In fact, I have more than what is needed for a casual conference paper. I just had to put them all together, narrate the story, and make it sound coherent. Initially I was aiming for a November 14 deadline. I was working full speed. Then as I approached the deadline, I learned that November 14 deadline was for abstract submissions and I in fact have till December 19 to finish the paper. I was relieved. Maybe that has slowed me down. But it does not change the fact that I need to ask for comments from my colleagues and coauthors. Considering that I am working with scientists of a different field for the first time, it may take a while to converge to a final version. So it is important to finish it soon. I only have to finalize 2 subsections (5.2, 5.3) of a paper with 6 sections total. Why I do not seem to be able to finish it? I had never experienced such a long writer's block, if that is what I should call it. I do not know what it is, or what is going on. I better put my act together, especially that I initiated this all myself and convinced others to support me!

My Life as a Female Engineer 2

Dr. Chinese Guy received his PhD in astronomy in 2005. He was the student of the mission scientist, Dr. American Lady, that I am currently collaborating with. I received my PhD in computer science in 2007 from the same school he is a researcher at now. There is a new task requiring some computational algorithms that he needs support with. So, our Dr. American Lady naturally thought I could help. In his introductory email to the rest of the team, he says Dr. American Lady and "her student" (referring to me), will work on such and such. An innocent mistake, while making a wrong assumption. After 10 years of experience and more than 4 years of having a PhD, he automatically assumes I am a student. Why? I do not know. We let it go.

We have a first face-to-face meeting. Dr. American Lady introduces me, and asks me to refresh her memory how many years I have been working at the center. I have a feeling she wants to clear the confusion and I was thankful for that. I tell them 10 years! Even she was surprised. She was assuming maybe 5 years. I thought good! Done; moving on.

Today, Dr. Chinese Guy sends an email to west coast collaborators asking for data sets. He again says Dr. American Lady and her student will do such and such!! Dr. American Lady replies all, mentioning my degree and years of experience.

Would any guy experience this with a PhD and 10 years of experience, and if so, will they let it go so kindly? Or is it the case that everyone around those guys has to walk on their tip-toes, making sure they do not forget their "Dr. " titles, and yes sirs?!

Truely naked!

"True intimacy is achieved when you feel safe enough to be emotionally naked with your partner. You know your partner will not try to talk you out of your authentic feelings, will not say you’re “over-reacting”, will not try to fix it, and will not ignore you. You know you will be supported and validated no matter what you’re feeling and sharing, verbally or otherwise. You know you will receive empathy. This is love, pure and simple…" *

Have you ever been emotionally naked? Feeling so safe not to be afraid of sharing your fears, your weaknesses, and your tears? Letting someone see your true naked emotional self? It is scary, very scary. But if, if and only if, the response is acceptance of you as you are, without trying to change you, fix you, or erase you, oh how sweet and rewarding that painful experience would become. If, and only if,.....have you ever dared? What was the outcome in your experience? Would you do it again, or never again? But is there any other way to true intimacy?


* http://psychscribe.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/relationships-true-intimacy/

Sun

Solar Swift observed by NASA's Solar Dynamic Observatory (SDO), Nov. 14-15, 2011.

Yes, you are right,
What is moon without the Sun,
Would it shine at night?
Would it be as glorious and mysterious?

Yes, my sunshine.
How could I call your beautiful Sun the burning hell.
Yes, my sunshine.
I show some respect.
For the source of life,
For you, my sunshine.