It is a Battlefield!

I wish for a day when I do not have to fight any battles to get simple ordinary tasks done. For a day that we do not have to do repeated exhausting time-consuming paper work for the simplest things. It is half an hour before noon, before a long weekend, and I have already fought a lot. I am tired, and it takes a lot to make me tired!

Writer's block of its own kind

I have been struggling to finish a paper. Not because it is hard, not because I need more analysis, better results, or some theorem to be proved. No! I have all the information and content ready. In fact, I have more than what is needed for a casual conference paper. I just had to put them all together, narrate the story, and make it sound coherent. Initially I was aiming for a November 14 deadline. I was working full speed. Then as I approached the deadline, I learned that November 14 deadline was for abstract submissions and I in fact have till December 19 to finish the paper. I was relieved. Maybe that has slowed me down. But it does not change the fact that I need to ask for comments from my colleagues and coauthors. Considering that I am working with scientists of a different field for the first time, it may take a while to converge to a final version. So it is important to finish it soon. I only have to finalize 2 subsections (5.2, 5.3) of a paper with 6 sections total. Why I do not seem to be able to finish it? I had never experienced such a long writer's block, if that is what I should call it. I do not know what it is, or what is going on. I better put my act together, especially that I initiated this all myself and convinced others to support me!

My Life as a Female Engineer 2

Dr. Chinese Guy received his PhD in astronomy in 2005. He was the student of the mission scientist, Dr. American Lady, that I am currently collaborating with. I received my PhD in computer science in 2007 from the same school he is a researcher at now. There is a new task requiring some computational algorithms that he needs support with. So, our Dr. American Lady naturally thought I could help. In his introductory email to the rest of the team, he says Dr. American Lady and "her student" (referring to me), will work on such and such. An innocent mistake, while making a wrong assumption. After 10 years of experience and more than 4 years of having a PhD, he automatically assumes I am a student. Why? I do not know. We let it go.

We have a first face-to-face meeting. Dr. American Lady introduces me, and asks me to refresh her memory how many years I have been working at the center. I have a feeling she wants to clear the confusion and I was thankful for that. I tell them 10 years! Even she was surprised. She was assuming maybe 5 years. I thought good! Done; moving on.

Today, Dr. Chinese Guy sends an email to west coast collaborators asking for data sets. He again says Dr. American Lady and her student will do such and such!! Dr. American Lady replies all, mentioning my degree and years of experience.

Would any guy experience this with a PhD and 10 years of experience, and if so, will they let it go so kindly? Or is it the case that everyone around those guys has to walk on their tip-toes, making sure they do not forget their "Dr. " titles, and yes sirs?!

Truely naked!

"True intimacy is achieved when you feel safe enough to be emotionally naked with your partner. You know your partner will not try to talk you out of your authentic feelings, will not say you’re “over-reacting”, will not try to fix it, and will not ignore you. You know you will be supported and validated no matter what you’re feeling and sharing, verbally or otherwise. You know you will receive empathy. This is love, pure and simple…" *

Have you ever been emotionally naked? Feeling so safe not to be afraid of sharing your fears, your weaknesses, and your tears? Letting someone see your true naked emotional self? It is scary, very scary. But if, if and only if, the response is acceptance of you as you are, without trying to change you, fix you, or erase you, oh how sweet and rewarding that painful experience would become. If, and only if,.....have you ever dared? What was the outcome in your experience? Would you do it again, or never again? But is there any other way to true intimacy?


* http://psychscribe.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/relationships-true-intimacy/

Sun

Solar Swift observed by NASA's Solar Dynamic Observatory (SDO), Nov. 14-15, 2011.

Yes, you are right,
What is moon without the Sun,
Would it shine at night?
Would it be as glorious and mysterious?

Yes, my sunshine.
How could I call your beautiful Sun the burning hell.
Yes, my sunshine.
I show some respect.
For the source of life,
For you, my sunshine.

Keep smiling :-)

As soon as you open the door,
And I see your smile,
Everything fades away,
Every thought goes away.

On enjoying existence

"When man's nature functions soundly as a whole, when he feels that the world of which he is part of is a huge, beautiful, admirable and worthy whole, when this harmony gives him pure and uninhibited delight, then the universe, if it were capable of emotion, would rejoice at having reached its goal and admire the crowning glory of its own evolution. for, what purpose would those countless suns and planets and moons serve, those stars and milky ways, comets and nebulae, those created and evolving worlds, if a happy human being did not ultimately emerge to enjoy existence?"

Goethe, Essays on art..