سال اول دبستان فکر میکنم سختترین سال تحصیلی عمرم بوده. نه از نظر درسی، نه، از این نظر که خیلی سخت گذشت. معلم سخت گیر و بد اخلاقی داشتیم. زود عصبانی میشد، داد میزد، و خط کش زدن پشت دست ما رو تنبیه عادی میدونست. من هم که سال اول مدرسهام بود، فکر میکردم لابد مدرسه اینطوریه. هیچ وقت یادم نمیره بار اول که مامانم از من در راه آمدن به خانه شنید که معلم ما این کار رو میکنه. دستم را محکم تر گرفت و شروع کرد به تند تر قدم برداشتن. خیلی عصبانی شده بود و همون فردا صبح اول وقت رفته بود دفتر مدرسه مون. منی که قبل از دبستان، مهد کودک و آمادگی رفته بودم و به خارج از خونه بودن عادت داشتم و برای اولین روز رفتن به مدرسه روز شماری کرده بودم، همون کلاس اول ابتدایی از مدرسه بدم اومد. مدرسه برام سخت شده بود.
کلاس اول تازه به پایان رسید بود، و من از آغاز تابستان در پوست نمیگنجیدم. مهمتر از همه اینکه من دیگه باسواد شده بودم و میتونستم همه کتابهای داستانی رو که قبلان نمیتونستم بخونم، خودم به تنهایی و بدون منت کشیدن از برادرم بخونم. عصر روزی که مدرسهام تموم شده بود و تابستان شروع شده بود، خوشحال رفتم پیش بابام و گفتم: "بابا، من دیگه با سواد شدم. دیگه لازم نیست مدرسه برم" و به خیال خودم این بهترین مژده ای بود که من به بابام میتونستم بدم. بابام هم سری تکون داد و گفت "آره، حتما" و به کار خودش ادامه داد. من هم از این که اون به عظمت خبر من پی نبرده بود، دلگیر و دست از پا دراز تر برگشتم توی اتاقم و عزای سال بعد و سالهای بعد رو گرفتم و این که دیگه عمر من فنا شد.
حالا چطور شد اینطوری شد و من مدرسه رو برای سالیان سال وقتی که میتونستم ول کنم، ول نکردم و هنوز هم سرم و بزنی، تهم و بزنی، به بهونه شنیدن سخنرانیهای مختلف مدرسههای مختلف میرم، نمیدونم.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Positive Emotions
Last week's leadership colloquium at work was given by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, professor of Psychology at North Carolina university on "Positivity: How to Embrace it and Overcome Negativity.”
She emphasized on the scientific aspects of her research and supporting data indicating how positive emotions affect people's behavior, perceptions, and interactions, and that positivity is far beyond happiness and includes many feelings such as joy, gratitude, interest, etc. In particular, her experiments showed that positivity fuels resiliency and people with positive emotions respond better to crisis.
She mentioned we as humans cannot ignore or eliminate negative emotions. They are essential for our survival and learning experiences. However, if the negative feelings linger over time, and we get stuck in them, we will end up depressed.
An interesting fact she mentioned that made me pause and think was that one percent of our body cells are renewed everyday. That is 30% of our body is reborn in a month and we get a whole new self in a little over three months*. Maybe that is why it takes us at least three months to master a new skill, she wondered. In the same way, our health can be changed for better or worse depending on emotions we go through.
Thus, she introduced the concept of the positivity ratio, the number of times we experience positive emotions over the number of times we experience negative ones during a fixed period of time. Depending on how large or small this ratio is we can flourish or languish as water lilies do in response to sunshine. Positivity opens us and expands our horizons to new learning experiences, and consequently we feel energized and up-lifted. Since we cannot eliminate the denominator of this ratio, we need to increase the quantity of our positive experiences to feel positive. She and her colleagues had done studies to find the tipping point for this ratio: what would it take for individuals, businesses, and married couples to be happy?
Here are their magic numbers: experimental results indicate the positivity ratio to live a happy life is at least 3:1 for individuals, and 5:1 for marriages. I forgot the ratio for businesses but I think it was 7:1. In other words, it takes much more positive experiences and emotions to be happy in a marriage. They found for divorced couples this ratio was 1-1 or even zero and surprisingly they did not find many examples in between: people were either happily married with a 5:1 positive experiences over negative experiences or were depressed/divorced because they had a 1:1 or zero positivity ratio in their relationships. They also found another tipping point of 11:1, that is being too positive/happy is not good either. This is where the value of negative feelings as a survival and defense mechanism shows itself. Only 20% of people in the U.S. have a positivity ratio of 3 or more in their lives (i.e. feel good and do good).
Finally, she mentioned in order to create the mindset of positivity, one needs exercise being open, approachable, curios, kind, and above all real. Faking positivity is more dangerous than negative emotions, she stated.
To learn more about her work please visit:
http://www.unc.edu/peplab/home.html
http://www.PositiveEmotions.org
http://www.PositivityRatio.com
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* If we accept that people can change so periodically, how would it affect our perception of them? Do we keep judging, punishing, or rewarding individuals for what they once did without re-evaluating them often? Do we give others a chance to be forgiven or prove themselves in different contexts, or do we constantly judge them by their past behavior?
She emphasized on the scientific aspects of her research and supporting data indicating how positive emotions affect people's behavior, perceptions, and interactions, and that positivity is far beyond happiness and includes many feelings such as joy, gratitude, interest, etc. In particular, her experiments showed that positivity fuels resiliency and people with positive emotions respond better to crisis.
She mentioned we as humans cannot ignore or eliminate negative emotions. They are essential for our survival and learning experiences. However, if the negative feelings linger over time, and we get stuck in them, we will end up depressed.
An interesting fact she mentioned that made me pause and think was that one percent of our body cells are renewed everyday. That is 30% of our body is reborn in a month and we get a whole new self in a little over three months*. Maybe that is why it takes us at least three months to master a new skill, she wondered. In the same way, our health can be changed for better or worse depending on emotions we go through.
Thus, she introduced the concept of the positivity ratio, the number of times we experience positive emotions over the number of times we experience negative ones during a fixed period of time. Depending on how large or small this ratio is we can flourish or languish as water lilies do in response to sunshine. Positivity opens us and expands our horizons to new learning experiences, and consequently we feel energized and up-lifted. Since we cannot eliminate the denominator of this ratio, we need to increase the quantity of our positive experiences to feel positive. She and her colleagues had done studies to find the tipping point for this ratio: what would it take for individuals, businesses, and married couples to be happy?
Here are their magic numbers: experimental results indicate the positivity ratio to live a happy life is at least 3:1 for individuals, and 5:1 for marriages. I forgot the ratio for businesses but I think it was 7:1. In other words, it takes much more positive experiences and emotions to be happy in a marriage. They found for divorced couples this ratio was 1-1 or even zero and surprisingly they did not find many examples in between: people were either happily married with a 5:1 positive experiences over negative experiences or were depressed/divorced because they had a 1:1 or zero positivity ratio in their relationships. They also found another tipping point of 11:1, that is being too positive/happy is not good either. This is where the value of negative feelings as a survival and defense mechanism shows itself. Only 20% of people in the U.S. have a positivity ratio of 3 or more in their lives (i.e. feel good and do good).
Finally, she mentioned in order to create the mindset of positivity, one needs exercise being open, approachable, curios, kind, and above all real. Faking positivity is more dangerous than negative emotions, she stated.
To learn more about her work please visit:
http://www.unc.edu/peplab/home.html
http://www.PositiveEmotions.org
http://www.PositivityRatio.com
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* If we accept that people can change so periodically, how would it affect our perception of them? Do we keep judging, punishing, or rewarding individuals for what they once did without re-evaluating them often? Do we give others a chance to be forgiven or prove themselves in different contexts, or do we constantly judge them by their past behavior?
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Fired Up or Burned Out?
We invest the best years of our lives preparing ourselves for a career from which we expect to make a living. Naturally, we would like to be happy at our jobs. We question and evaluate our choices constantly. Many people who end up at the wrong job suffer on a daily basis. At some point, they decide they had enough and quit even without knowing what will substitute their source of income.
A while back I attended a leadership seminar at work titled "Fired Up or Burned Out? Creating a Connection Culture" by Michael Stallard and Jason Pankau. This was part of their talk's announcement:
Speakers said emotional factors are four times as effective as rational factors in engaging employees at work. They emphasized the importance of feeling connected. Lack of connection at work results in loneliness, isolation, confusion, distrust, disrespect, and dissatisfaction. On the other hand, connections result in enthusiasm, satisfaction, and involvement. We feel fired up rather than burned out.
Speakers argued we all have certain needs that should be met in order for us to be happy with our jobs. They emphasized the word needs, they are not wants, not things that would be nice to have. If these needs are not met, our mental and physical health will be jeopardized.
This was their list of needs that should be met at our jobs:
1) Respect
2) Recognition
3) Belonging
4) Autonomy (Freedom)
5) Personal Growth
6) Meaning
I am often asked if I plan to get a new job. So far, I have responded no. I do not see any reason or need to do so. The above list helped me understand better why. During the past eight years, I never felt items 4-6 were at risk of not being met at my work. I almost always felt good about items 1-3, with the exception of one difficult team I had to work with for a while. Even during that time, working on multiple projects came to my rescue: those needs were satisfied via other teams and projects. While working on multiple projects with different groups can be inefficient and counter productive, it can also come to your rescue. By not putting all your eggs in one basket, one person/group/project won't have all of the power to deprive you from meeting your needs. You go to a meeting with a different group who respect and appreciate you more, and you get enough satisfaction to carry on. So, I am not going to complain anymore about being on multiple projects each with their own meetings and deadlines. They are all working together to cover my six above mentioned needs.
A while back I attended a leadership seminar at work titled "Fired Up or Burned Out? Creating a Connection Culture" by Michael Stallard and Jason Pankau. This was part of their talk's announcement:
Seventy-five percent of Americans, on average, are not engaged in their work and 20 percent of the disengaged work against their organizations’ interests. For many this raises the question: What work environment enables everyone to perform to the best of their abilities and align their behavior with organizational goals?
.....
Employees in an organization with a high degree of connection are more productive, more engaged, more collaborative, and less likely to leave. In fact, research demonstrates that there is a set of learnable leadership behaviors that can ignite the workforce so individuals do more than survive – they thrive.
Speakers said emotional factors are four times as effective as rational factors in engaging employees at work. They emphasized the importance of feeling connected. Lack of connection at work results in loneliness, isolation, confusion, distrust, disrespect, and dissatisfaction. On the other hand, connections result in enthusiasm, satisfaction, and involvement. We feel fired up rather than burned out.
Speakers argued we all have certain needs that should be met in order for us to be happy with our jobs. They emphasized the word needs, they are not wants, not things that would be nice to have. If these needs are not met, our mental and physical health will be jeopardized.
This was their list of needs that should be met at our jobs:
1) Respect
2) Recognition
3) Belonging
4) Autonomy (Freedom)
5) Personal Growth
6) Meaning
I am often asked if I plan to get a new job. So far, I have responded no. I do not see any reason or need to do so. The above list helped me understand better why. During the past eight years, I never felt items 4-6 were at risk of not being met at my work. I almost always felt good about items 1-3, with the exception of one difficult team I had to work with for a while. Even during that time, working on multiple projects came to my rescue: those needs were satisfied via other teams and projects. While working on multiple projects with different groups can be inefficient and counter productive, it can also come to your rescue. By not putting all your eggs in one basket, one person/group/project won't have all of the power to deprive you from meeting your needs. You go to a meeting with a different group who respect and appreciate you more, and you get enough satisfaction to carry on. So, I am not going to complain anymore about being on multiple projects each with their own meetings and deadlines. They are all working together to cover my six above mentioned needs.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
ستارههای دنباله دار
باشه ستارههای دنباله دار، باشه، یادتون باشه. من و یک ساعت نصف شبی تک و تنها کشونیدید وسط خیابون، هر ماشینی رد شد چپ چپ نگاهم کرد، اون وقت شما نیومدین سر قرار. من هم دیگه اومدم خونه، هر چقدر میخواید ببارید واسه خودتون امشب!
Friday, November 13, 2009
حاجی خانوم
حاجی خانوم زنی بود از یکی از روستاهای اطراف اصفهان. او در خانه ما و فامیلهایمان کار میکرد، اما در واقع حکم "ننی" من رو داشت به قول این جایی ها. او فرزندانش را به تنهایی بزرگ کرده بود، اما هنوز کار میکرد با وجودیکه پسرش نسبتا کار خوبی داشت. هیچ وقت نفهمیدم چه بر سر شوهرش آمده بود. یعنی در عالم بچگی اصلا به این چیزها فکر نمیکردم. حاجی خانوم خودش مهم بود که در زندگی ما بود.
حاجی خانوم با اتوبوس و پیاده خودش رو به خانه ما میرساند. حاجی خانوم سواد نداشت، اما همیشه دفترچه تلفنش توی ساکش بود، واگر ده دقیقه هم قرار بود دیر تر برسه، سر اولین تلفن عمومی در راهش میایستاد، از یک نفر خواهش میکرد که تلفن ما رو از دفترچه ش پیدا کنه و براش بگیره تا به ما بگه که دیر میکنه، با وجودیکه ما خونه بودیم و جایی قرار نبود بریم.
حاجی خانوم سواد نداشت، اما بهداشت رو خیلی بهتر از بعضی پرستارها رعایت میکرد. جورابهای من رو با زیبایی جفت میکرد و روی هم میچید و لباس هام رو تا میکرد.
حاجی خانوم سواد نداشت، اما اگر میدید میوه فروش، سبزی فروش، یا حتی نمکی داره سرش کلاه میذاره، داد و بیدادی راه مینداخت و انقدر خدا رو گواه میگرفت که طرف تا ته جهنم میرفت و بر میگشت.
تکّه کلام حاجی خانوم، "ها خب" بود. اگر سکوت بر قرار میشد و دیگه کسی حرفی نداشت، سکوت رو با یک "ها خب" کش دار میشکست.
حاجی خانوم عاشق ماست بود. همیشه با غذا برای خودش با ماست دوغ درست میکرد و روش نعنا و نمک میزد، و بعد ماست و نون و خرما هم به عنوان دسر میخورد.
حاجی خانوم عاشق بارون و برف بود. اگر یکی کمی مینالید که هوا بد شد (یکی که یعنی من)، زود با اعتراض جواب میداد: "بذار بباره، بذار بباره، زمینها تر بشه". او فکر کشاورزهای روستاشون بود و مدتها به باران و برف از پشت پنجره خیره میشد. گاهی هم دستاش رو رو به آسمان بلند میکرد و خدا رو شکر میکرد به خاطر این همه برکت و نعمت.
خیلیها او را ننه صدا میکردند. ظاهرأ بار اول که من این رو از زبان کسی شنیده بودم، بهش گفت بودم "ننه نه، حاجی خانوم!"، و حاجی خانوم هم کلی کیف کرده بود که این بچه که من بوده باشم انقدر احترام بهش گذاشته و ازش دفاع هم کرده، و این خاطره مورد علاقش از من شده بود و برای همه تعریف میکرد: "خدا شاهده ،نرگس جون گفت ننه نه، حاجی خانوم!".
من که بزرگ تر شده بودم، حاجی خانوم هم هوش و حواسش سر جاش خیلی نبود. بچه هاش هم دیگه نمیذاشتن کار کنه. او بیشتر به عنوان مهمان و عضو خانواده هر از گاهی به خانه ما میآمد. بعدها شنیدم که سالهای آخر در یک خانه سالمندان بوده، اما پسرش هم همان جا کار میکرد و با او هر روز نهار میخورد. دفعه آخر که ایران رفته بودم، چند ماهی میشد که حاجی خانوم فوت کرده بود و من هیچ وقت از حاجی خانوم خدانگهداری* نکرده بودم.
*حاجی خانوم همیشه موقع خداحافظی میگفت: خدا ا (مکث)نگهدار.
حاجی خانوم با اتوبوس و پیاده خودش رو به خانه ما میرساند. حاجی خانوم سواد نداشت، اما همیشه دفترچه تلفنش توی ساکش بود، واگر ده دقیقه هم قرار بود دیر تر برسه، سر اولین تلفن عمومی در راهش میایستاد، از یک نفر خواهش میکرد که تلفن ما رو از دفترچه ش پیدا کنه و براش بگیره تا به ما بگه که دیر میکنه، با وجودیکه ما خونه بودیم و جایی قرار نبود بریم.
حاجی خانوم سواد نداشت، اما بهداشت رو خیلی بهتر از بعضی پرستارها رعایت میکرد. جورابهای من رو با زیبایی جفت میکرد و روی هم میچید و لباس هام رو تا میکرد.
حاجی خانوم سواد نداشت، اما اگر میدید میوه فروش، سبزی فروش، یا حتی نمکی داره سرش کلاه میذاره، داد و بیدادی راه مینداخت و انقدر خدا رو گواه میگرفت که طرف تا ته جهنم میرفت و بر میگشت.
تکّه کلام حاجی خانوم، "ها خب" بود. اگر سکوت بر قرار میشد و دیگه کسی حرفی نداشت، سکوت رو با یک "ها خب" کش دار میشکست.
حاجی خانوم عاشق ماست بود. همیشه با غذا برای خودش با ماست دوغ درست میکرد و روش نعنا و نمک میزد، و بعد ماست و نون و خرما هم به عنوان دسر میخورد.
حاجی خانوم عاشق بارون و برف بود. اگر یکی کمی مینالید که هوا بد شد (یکی که یعنی من)، زود با اعتراض جواب میداد: "بذار بباره، بذار بباره، زمینها تر بشه". او فکر کشاورزهای روستاشون بود و مدتها به باران و برف از پشت پنجره خیره میشد. گاهی هم دستاش رو رو به آسمان بلند میکرد و خدا رو شکر میکرد به خاطر این همه برکت و نعمت.
خیلیها او را ننه صدا میکردند. ظاهرأ بار اول که من این رو از زبان کسی شنیده بودم، بهش گفت بودم "ننه نه، حاجی خانوم!"، و حاجی خانوم هم کلی کیف کرده بود که این بچه که من بوده باشم انقدر احترام بهش گذاشته و ازش دفاع هم کرده، و این خاطره مورد علاقش از من شده بود و برای همه تعریف میکرد: "خدا شاهده ،نرگس جون گفت ننه نه، حاجی خانوم!".
من که بزرگ تر شده بودم، حاجی خانوم هم هوش و حواسش سر جاش خیلی نبود. بچه هاش هم دیگه نمیذاشتن کار کنه. او بیشتر به عنوان مهمان و عضو خانواده هر از گاهی به خانه ما میآمد. بعدها شنیدم که سالهای آخر در یک خانه سالمندان بوده، اما پسرش هم همان جا کار میکرد و با او هر روز نهار میخورد. دفعه آخر که ایران رفته بودم، چند ماهی میشد که حاجی خانوم فوت کرده بود و من هیچ وقت از حاجی خانوم خدانگهداری* نکرده بودم.
*حاجی خانوم همیشه موقع خداحافظی میگفت: خدا ا (مکث)نگهدار.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
نامه
از همون دوران کودکی و زمان جنگ که برادرهای من از ایران خارج شدند، من با پدیده "نامه" آشنا شدم. در اون زمان اینترنت که نبود هیچ، تلفن زدن به خارج هم دنگ و فنگهای خودش رو داشت. اول باید زنگ میزدی به ادارهٔ مخابرات. اگر راه میداد و اشغال نبود، تلفن راه دور مورد نظر رو به اپراتور میگفتی. بعد اپراتور تلفن رو میگرفت و اگر خوش شانس بودی و خط راه میداد میتونستی حرف بزنی، البته تا وقتی که قطع نشه. درسته که شنیدن صدای بردرام برای من و پدر و مادرم خیلی با ارزش بود، اما نامه چیز دیگری بود. نامه رو میشد چند بار خوند، لمس کرد، بو کرد. یک چیز فیزیکی که در دست اونها بوده، از یک دنیای ناشناس به دست ما رسیده بود. هر چند طولی نکشید که ما فهمیدیم که تنها خوانندگان این نامه ها، ما نبودیم. اغلب موارد پاکتهای نامه توی یک کیسه پلاستیکی به دست ما میرسید که روش مهر آبی رنگی بود: " این مرسوله در راه آسیب دیده، و ما آن را ترمیم کرده ایم"، یا یک چیزی توی همین مایه ها. میدونم که کلمات "مرسوله" و "ترمیم" رو هم اولین بار از روی این مهرها یاد گرفتم. پاکت نامه پاره شده بود و روی پارگی چسب نواری زده بودند. خوب، خدا عمرشون بده لااقل نامهها رو به ما میدادند و انقدر نگران بودند که هر دفعه ترمیمشان میکردند!
انقدر سالهای جنگ و دوری طولانی شد که ما شدیم استاد نامه نگاری. نامههای رسمی زیادی هم در طی سالها نوشتیم. دعوتنامه برای ویزا، درخواست ویزا، در خواست پذیرش، در خواست کمک هزینه تحصیلی، ... .
حالا هم که مثلا موفق شدیم صبح تا شب کارمون شده نامه نوشتن. بهترین نوعش نامه برای ارزشیابی یک شاگرد قدیمی و توصیه استخدام شدن او در جایی، یا تعریف از یک همکار هست. بقیه ش ابراز نگرانی یا مخالفت با یک موضع، در خواست آزادی زندانیان سیاسی، در خواست لغو اعدام زندنیان سیاسی است. هر روز اسم جدیدی و هر روز نامه جدیدی. هر روز این نامهها را امضا میکنیم و پخش. "نامه" یعنی دوری، التماس، بی چارگی، دل خوش کنی.
انقدر سالهای جنگ و دوری طولانی شد که ما شدیم استاد نامه نگاری. نامههای رسمی زیادی هم در طی سالها نوشتیم. دعوتنامه برای ویزا، درخواست ویزا، در خواست پذیرش، در خواست کمک هزینه تحصیلی، ... .
حالا هم که مثلا موفق شدیم صبح تا شب کارمون شده نامه نوشتن. بهترین نوعش نامه برای ارزشیابی یک شاگرد قدیمی و توصیه استخدام شدن او در جایی، یا تعریف از یک همکار هست. بقیه ش ابراز نگرانی یا مخالفت با یک موضع، در خواست آزادی زندانیان سیاسی، در خواست لغو اعدام زندنیان سیاسی است. هر روز اسم جدیدی و هر روز نامه جدیدی. هر روز این نامهها را امضا میکنیم و پخش. "نامه" یعنی دوری، التماس، بی چارگی، دل خوش کنی.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Anger
Anger is one of those emotions we all experience a lot, but hardly deal with properly, or talk about it. At times we even get angry at ourselves for being angry about something. Our logical brains tell us it is not worth your physical and mental health. Do not ruin your day over things that do not matter. But you cannot help what you feel. You just cannot help it. I have learned if I remind myself of a few things at such times, I may better be able to let go of the anger.
0) It is okay to feel angry at times. We are humans after all. The question is how do we let go of it, before it conquers us and becomes an inseparable part of us. Of course at first some physical activity and sport as well as talking about it can help release the tension. Be careful! It is easy to get trapped in the cycle of thinking and talking about it all the time and remaining angry.
1) By staying angry, I am letting the source of the anger, be it a person or a system, have control over my emotions, my performance, my life, and my health. Do I want to give this much power and control to what hurt me to begin with? Hell no.
2) The more we feed anger, the angrier and unhappier we get. Just stop watering this plant and it will die. This story helps*:
An old Cherokee chief is teaching his grandson about life: "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.
"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed."
3) Look at things from a different perspective. I love the Hubble's Deep Field** image (click on the image below twice). It is taken from a very small portion of the sky. Every circle represents a galaxy like ours with its own planets, moons, and stars. Our earth is not even a dot in this image. How insignificant and small our problems are with respect to the universe, and how ridiculous and stupid we look for thinking they are so important to fight over.
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* This seems to be a famous story but I first read it on page 157 of this book:
http://www.threelawsofperformance.com/
** For more information see the following links:
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap040309.html
http://www.nasa.gov/vision/universe/starsgalaxies/hubble_UDF.html
0) It is okay to feel angry at times. We are humans after all. The question is how do we let go of it, before it conquers us and becomes an inseparable part of us. Of course at first some physical activity and sport as well as talking about it can help release the tension. Be careful! It is easy to get trapped in the cycle of thinking and talking about it all the time and remaining angry.
1) By staying angry, I am letting the source of the anger, be it a person or a system, have control over my emotions, my performance, my life, and my health. Do I want to give this much power and control to what hurt me to begin with? Hell no.
2) The more we feed anger, the angrier and unhappier we get. Just stop watering this plant and it will die. This story helps*:
An old Cherokee chief is teaching his grandson about life: "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.
"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed."
3) Look at things from a different perspective. I love the Hubble's Deep Field** image (click on the image below twice). It is taken from a very small portion of the sky. Every circle represents a galaxy like ours with its own planets, moons, and stars. Our earth is not even a dot in this image. How insignificant and small our problems are with respect to the universe, and how ridiculous and stupid we look for thinking they are so important to fight over.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
* This seems to be a famous story but I first read it on page 157 of this book:
http://www.threelawsofperformance.com/
** For more information see the following links:
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap040309.html
http://www.nasa.gov/vision/universe/starsgalaxies/hubble_UDF.html
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