عذر بدتر از گناه

در دوره زمانه اى زندگى ميكنيم، كه بزدلى نه تنها جا افتاده و رايج شده است، كه دليل موجه رفتار ها، و چه بسا فضيلت اخلاقى هم محسوب ميشود.

My own victim!

Reminder to self, thanks to a friend who posted this quote:

"When you believe that your problem is caused by someone or something else, you become your own victim."

The Work of Byron Katie

Historic Day! (For me ;-) )

Today was a memorable day. I presented to the big boss!  Well not the biggest boss who just got elected, but our center director ;-) and not because I was trying to get on his calendar, push an agenda, or get face time, but because he wanted to learn about a topic that I had recently presented somewhere else, the news of which had appeared in our directorate's newsletter.  He wanted to meet me and learn about my work and it made it all much sweeter and more surreal.  I was on trip a month ago when I received his request.  The day finally came.  The meeting went great, and he was very pleasant to talk to.  It gave me great hope and optimism to know we have such a bright, down-to-earth, great leader, with such a great appetite for learning and knowledge, with a great sense of wonder and curiosity,

As if that was not enough, later today I attended our annual technology office award ceremony, to receive a patent award with one of my project's team members.  And, these two events and projects were not related to each other at all! I presented to the center director on a different topic.

I have some renewed enthusiasm and energy to get things done tomorrow. Friday!  I am just glad I can do it in jeans and sneakers, because between you and me, I could not stand those high heels anymore, at the end of the day.

نسرين ستوده

پريروز كه از خواب بيدار شدم، به طرز عجيبى اولين فكرى كه به  ذهنم رسيد اين بود كه آيا نسرين ستوده آلان زنده است يا نه؟   بعد رفتم در فيسبوك ديدم نوشته اند، نسرين ستوده وارد هفدهمين روز اعتصاب غذايش شده، و من نميدانستم كه مگر اصلا ميشود 17 روز بدون غذا زنده ماند؟  فردا بيست و يكمين روز اعتصاب غذاى نسرين ستوده است، مگر ميشود آدم ها انقدر قصى القلب باشند، و يا يك زن انقدر قوى.  گناه آن بچه ها چيست؟  بعد فكر ها و سوالهاى ديگرى به ذهنم رسيد، كه شايد در اين شرايط سخت پرسيدنش درست نباشد....اميدوارم وقتى آزاد شد بنويسم و بپرسم.  شايد وقتى بچه هايش بزرگ شدند از او بپرسند، كه البته اميدوارم اين روز برسد و و سالم باشد و بهشان بگويد.  شايد در هر ملاقات شوهرش از او ميپرسد.  نميدانم.  شايد هم پاسخ' همان است كه خودش قبلا گفته:

http://1millionchange.info/spip.php?article7614

http://we-change.org/spip.php?article8781

سلام به آسمان و زمين

من  آدم هايى را كه در هواپيما كنار پنجره مينشينند، اما موقع صعود و فرود هواپيما اگر پرده پنجره پايين باشه،  آن را بالا نميزنند، يا اگر بالا باشه، بيرون را نگاه نميكنند، نميفهمم.

Something is missing!

My officemate, let's call her Kay, is a petite tiny young lady; Mother of two young sons.  She dresses up nicely every day.  She is good at her job and leads the software development efforts.  She goes to gym; She brings in her homemade healthy lunch, often including a nice looking big salad with nuts and fruits.  She picks up her kids from school, has activities and makes cup-cakes in the weekends.  She even throws baby showers or weddings or what not for her siblings and relatives.  She has it all, and does it all well: organized and disciplined.

She might also be a perfectionist.  Once she brought some of her delicious cup cakes to the office, nicely put in a box with great icing, better looking that those in pastry shops. She told me how she stayed up till 2-3 am just to get that recipe right!  I asked her if her kids liked cup-cake that much! To my surprise she replied: they do not even like sweets, I like cup-cakes! She was making it for herself and relatives and she could not tolerate the ones that would come out wrong; She got it right the third round!

Wednesday was my first day back at work after being away on travel for over a week.  She was looking focused and professional as always, looking at her code with a hot cup of tea in her hand, the usual way she does (Did I say how happy I am to finally have an officemate to share my passion for tea?)  We just exchanged our regular morning greetings; I gathered she must be busy and focused at her work and should not be distracted that she did not ask much about my trip.  We often are away from our offices in labs and for meetings anyways, so it is hard to notice when a person is gone.  I went about my day as usual.

Later in the day, my friend (call her Joy), who is our next-door neighbor asks me: "How is Kay doing?", "Fine", I responded suspiciously.  "You know, last week, when you were gone, there was an ambulance here to pick her up.  Your office door was closed, and I just heard them banging at the door yelling Security!  I wanted to ask her about it but I thought maybe she likes to keep it private, maybe you can ask her".  Really? I could not believe it.  She is so healthy, organized, she exercises and eats well.  More than that, "I know she is a very tough girl.  She would not complain or call ambulance just for caution" I told Joy and she agreed; Something must have gone wrong.  So, once Kay came back to the office, I asked her.

"How are you doing Kay? I heard from Joy there was an incident here last week while I was gone, are you okay?"  She then told me the story that she was having severe stomachache, non-stop, for so long that she was almost passing out.  She was telling her husband on the phone about it that she felt like she could not continue being awake longer.  She told him she was going to hang up the phone and call 911.  That is exactly what she did.  By the time the center's emergency unit arrived at our office, she was hyperventilating.  They took her to hospital, ran all kinds of tests: blood, CT scan, etc.  They failed to find anything!  It is good she did not have a tumor or some other serious illness but troubling for her not to know what caused the pain.  She said: "I have given birth twice without epidural, so I know pain and can tolerate pain.  It was worse than that! When you have contractions it comes and goes, this was constant non-stop pain".  They had kept her under watch for a whole day and then sent her home.  Her husband thinks it was stress, reminding her that your body is shutting down on you.  You need to take it easy.

I did not see her yesterday and today in the office.  Usually she emails me and her boss if she is working from home.  Usually if I do not see her I assume she is in the lab or another building for a meeting.  Now I am so scared; I emailed her to ask how she is, and no response.  I called her supervisor to see if she had heard anything from her: nothing! Worse: her supervisor had no idea about what happened last week! Security and center's health unit did not inform her supervisor.  It was all news to her.  If my next door neighbor had not seen it happening and had not told me, I would not know about it to worry about her and ask about her condition either!  When these things happen, I am deeply saddened.  We all come and go in masses to the same campus, same building, same floor, and we hardly notice each other; I told Joy how when such things happen, and how when Soheil passed away, the governing sense of normalcy and business-as-usual on his floor and in our building bothered me.  I told her how in our culture, it would be hard to miss such news.  Here: someone should tell you or forward you an email!  People's privacy is respected.  Maybe she does not like everyone to know  about her medical issues. To respect Soheil and his family they have to keep everything untouched!  But where is the line drawn between privacy and caring? Privacy and being human? Privacy and indifference?   Well, I know they are not indifferent; They do honor individuals, their rights, and their families' rights.  They do follow some rules and guidelines.  But something just does not feel quite right to me when these things happen here in the U.S. Something is missing.

I sure hope everything be okay with Kay, and she be sitting behind a console in a closed lab coding away ignoring her emails or driving to pick her kids up.  I am worried and could do nothing but typing this.

سفرهاى مجازى گذشته!

روز آخرى كه رم بودم، رفتم كه كلوسيم معروف را ببينم:

از بيرون آن را ديدم. دلم ميخواست داخل اين بناى باستانى بشوم، اما صف طولانى آن و وقت تنگ من تا گرفتن قطارم، مانع شد.  پس شروع به راه رفتن كردم تا بناهاى تاريخى در همسايگى آن را ببينم.  به اين نما رسيدم:

ميدانستم كه قبلا اين تصوير را جايى ديده ام.  در حاليكه كلوسيم را در فيلم ها و نقاشى هاى زيادى ديده بودم، اما ميدانستم كه تصوير اين بنا، از جاى ديگرى در ذهنم حك شده بود.  نه خودم از نزديك قبلا آن را ديده بودم، نه در فيلمى، پس اين تصوير از كجا انقدر به من نزديك است؟ ناگهان نورون هاى مغزم از خاطرات كودكى جرقه اى زدند.  اين عكس روى تمبر هاى ايتاليا بود، روى  همان نامه هاى معروف! نامه هاى سال هاى جنگ و كودكى.  من تمبر جمع ميكردم، و بدين وسيله با بناهاى باستانى و تاريخ كشورها آشنا شده بودم.  من قديم ها به اين ساختمان ها، از روى تمبرهاى يكى دو سانتى، با دقت نگاه كرده بودم و خوب ميشناختمشان.

اين روز ها، روز هاى عجيبى است.  يكى از زيباترين جاهاى دنيا، ايتاليا، براى من ياد آور خاطرات دوران سخت گذشته خانواده من و ايران هست، دوران جنگ، دورى ها، سختى ها.  اما جالب هست كه چقدر كودكى من، گذشته من و خانواده ام، و كشورم، در حين سختى ها سرشار از خاطرات خوب و ناب بوده اند.