Salve

Last night I saw the movie Salve or "مرهم" in Farsi by Alireza Davoodnejad. It was a well-made movie. For the most part, I was shocked by the characters in the movie. How everyone spoke by yelling at each other, how the youth in Tehran entertained themselves, how they would betray each other, and yet despite all that how easily they trusted each other again. It was as if I was seeing a foreign movie myself, not one from my own hometown. I felt detached and experienced culture shock. However, the moral story of the movie and the way it was conveyed was a masterpiece.

Davoodnejad showed the power of choice, the difference between being an observer and active participant, and the power of love so beautifully. The love that does not know any barriers of distance or generation gap. The love of an old religious grandmother who shadows her addicted granddaughter just to be there for her if she needed her. The love that makes her go to the most unlikely places for a woman of her age. She is everything to the granddaughter who was punished by her own father and abandoned by her so called lover and friends. The presence of the old religious seemingly cold and detached grandmother is all that girl needs to be saved: someone who loves her and cares for her.

من درك نميكنم، لطفا من را روشن كنيد.

اگر جلوى چشم شما يك نفر را بخواهند دار بزنن چى كار ميكنين؟ چشم هاتون رو ميبندين و گوش هاتون و ميگيرين؟ يا مثل فيلم سينمايى دنبالش ميكنين و تخمه ميشكونين؟ يا اينكه سعى ميكيند اجرا كنندگان حكم رو منصرف كنيد، حتى اگر نتيجه اى نداشته باشه. يا داد و بيداد راه ميندازيد و شهر و شلوغ ميكنيد تا همه بفهمن چه فاجعه اى داره رخ ميده، تا حد اقل كسى غير از شما هم بدونه كى كى چى كار كرد. بلكه آدمهاى ديگه اومدن كمك، ، تا اعدامچى را منصرف كنند، يا اگر نشد تهديد كنند، عواقب بدى رو بهش خاطر نشان كنند، بى آبروش كنند، يا شايد هم حد اقل سرش و گرم كنند و گولش بزنن و شخص محكوم رو فرارى و پناه بدن؟

ماه گذشته هشتاد نفر در ايران اعدام شدن. ما جز تماشا چه كرديم؟ در ايران صدا و سيما تحت كنترل دولته، اينترنت فيلتره، بهونه ما در خارج چيه؟ صداى خانواده هاشون رو به گوش دنيا رسونديم يا نه؟ نميشه بگيد نميدونستيم. من نميفهمم كسى كه روزى صد بار فيس بوك رو چك ميكنه، در باره هر مقاله و آهنگ و حرف دوستى كامنت ميده، چطور چشمش رو براى كمپين نجات يك جوان بى گناه ميبنده؟ از نظر نوع دوستى و انسان دوستى، فرقى نميكنه كه شخص مال كجاى دنيا باشه، اما اگر هموطنتون هست، هم دانشگاهيتون بوده، هم دوره ى بوديد، هم رشته اى هم هستيد، اگر شما كمك نكنيد، كى قراره بكنه؟ فكر نميكينيد واقعا ممكن بود سر خود شما بياد؟ الان بيشتر از 1000 نفر اين كمپين رو امضا كرده اند:

http://saeedmalekpour.freepoliticalprisoners.net/index.php

هيچ فايده يى هم كه نداشته باشه سعيد ملكپور و خانواده اش ميدونند كه تنها نيستند، اميد ميگيرند، روحيه ميگيرند. خاموشى گناه ماست. اعتراض به بى عدالتى ها در كمال امنيت و آسايش كمترين كاريست كه ميتونيم بكنيم. خيلى دوست دارم دليل چشم بستن و سكوت دوستان مطلع، مخصوصا شريفى ها رو بدونم. من درك نميكنم، لطفا من را روشن كنيد. شما چه هزينه اى حاضريد بپردازيد تا بى عدالتى ها و ظلم ريشه كن بشه؟ تايپ كردن يك اسم چقدر براى شما گران تمام ميشود وقتى بيشتر از هزار نفر اين كار رو كرده اند؟

فرهنگ سنتى، نوين، و معجونى در اين بين.

بهرام بضايى 3 ساعت از تاريخ سينماى ايران و جلوه هايى از فرهنگ و سنت هايى كه به انتقاد ميگرفت در سينماى ايران پرداخت. فرهنگى كه به غيرت و مردانگى معتقد است و حتى اگر فردى اشتباه كرده باشد، و به اشتباهش پى برده باشد، حاضر است به خاطر مردانگيش، و اينكه حرف مرد يكى است سر حرفش بايستد و از روى لجبازى سر هيچ و پوچ بميرد. فرهنگى كه كار كردن و درس خواندن را مال خر ميداند، به قسمت اعتقاد دارد، و نقش خود در سرنوشت خود و جامعه اش را صفر ميداند. فرهنگى كه به برنامه ريزى براى آينده اعتقاد ندارد. فرهنگى كه دختركى از پنجره هر روز مردى را ميبيند كه او را ميپايد. ميپندارد عاشق اوست كه هر روز به ديدارش مى آيد. فرهنگى كه حرف نميزند. سكوت ميكند. به خاطر سكوت اشتباه فكر ميكند. بدون رد و بدل شدن هيچ كلامى عاشق آن مرد كه ميپندارد عاشقش است ميشود. نهايتا روزى مرد در خانه شان را ميزند. دخترك ميپندارد به خوستگارى او آمده. مرد مامور دولت است و براى دستگيرى برادرش آمده. حرف ظاهرا درباره دهه هاى پيشين است، اما در حين شنيدن همان حرف ها جلوه هاى نوينى از اين فرهنگ و سنت ها كه ديگر نه سنتى است و نه مدرن را تجربه ميكنى.

فرهنگى كه برنامه ريزى براى آينده كه هيچ، حتى تا 3 ساعت قبل از سخنرانى نميداند كه چطور قرار است 3 تا 6 ساعت آينده اش را بگذراند. آيا شام قبل از سخنرانى ميخورد يا بعد؟ ايا دوستى را ميبيند يا نه؟ البته همه كار را ميخواهد بكند، و افتخار ميكند كه ظاهرا تمام كارها انجام شده و چك خورده اند. 45 دقيقه اى دوست گيجش را ميبيند. دوستى كه انقدر حالش گرفته است، كه به همان سلام و احوالپرسى ها و حرف هاى تكرارى كفايت ميكند. دوست تمام موضوعاتى كه ميخواست راجع بهشان حرف بزند و سوالاتى را كه ميخواست بپرسد فراموش ميكند. فرهنگى كه ظاهرا در سخن رانى هم شركت ميكند، هر چند كه در مدت كمى كه آنجا است چند تلفن ميگيرد، ميرود، و دوستش را قال ميگذارد. ديدار دوست و شنيدين سخنرانى چك ميخورند. منبر بعدى را نميدانم. حتما همه كار ها انجام شده اند و چك خورده اند.

فرهنگى كه مهربان است، و نميخواهد كسى را ناراحت كند. ميخواهد همه را راضى و خوشحال كند و درست نتيجه عكس را ميگيرد. به هيچ چيز و هيچ كس توجه و وقت صد در صدش را نميدهد، حتى اگر شده براى ده دقيقه. فرهنگى كه دم دمى مزاج است. افراط و تفريط ميكند، و غير قابل پيش بينى است. فرهنگى كه نه نميگويد، سكوت ميكند. اگر احتمال قرار يا ديدارى را داده و ديگر امكانش نيست، هيچ نميگويد، سكوت ميكند. فرهنگى كه همه انتخاب ها را باز نگاه ميدارد. فرهنگى كه در آن آدمها، وقتشان، و احساساتشان فقط يك آپشن هستند. فرهنگى كه توضيح نميدهد، سكوت ميكند. عذر نميخواهد، سكوت ميكند. فرهنگى كه معلوم نيست بعد از چند سال دوستى، يكرنگى و شفافيت در مكالمه با يك دوست را انتخاب ميكند، اگر اصلا اين كار را هيچ وقت بكند، و اگر اين كار را كرد كى دوباره اراده ميكند تا آن را از او پس بگيرد. سعى ميكنى تغييرى باشى كه دوست دارى ببينى. احساساتى برخورد نكنى، حتما دليلى داشته، در تمام مراحل تو پيشگام ايجاد ارتباط ميشوى، ميپرسى، ميشنوى. فرهنگى كه دردناك هست و دلت را ميشكند، هر چقدر كه سعى كنى منطقى باشى. سكوت ميكنى. سكوت را ميشكنى. ميترسى دلش بشكند. خيلى با هم فرقى نداريد.

We gather and mingle

We gather and mingle,
Eat and talk,
Play games and walk away,
With friends chosen from strangers
Stranger enough not to know our pains, our lives, our wounds.

We gather and mingle,
We befriend everyone and all,
Just not to face that pain deep inside.

We gather and mingle,
and lose track of time,
In long lonely nights,
In rooms full of people,
From all over the globe,
Any race and profession you wish for.

We gather and mingle,
We the restless crowd,
The whole world is watching us,
From a distance,
Envious of us
Gathering and mingling,
Traveling and laughing
Eating and drinking.

We are lost and restless
Always leaving someone behind
Always hurting or being hurt
Never content with the gatherings and minglings.

The unforgiving price of doing nothing

"I do think that part of being a leader is to understand that there is a very deliberative process on behalf of the electorate where they're giving the leadership to you. And it's a funny thing about this. They will forgive you anything, in fact, they may even forgive you a decision they profoundly disagree with, but they wouldn't forgive you for not deciding. " said Tony Blair on Farid Zakaria's GPS program of CNN.

What he said struck home for me. I feel the same way when judging people. I admire those who try achieve their goals and fail in the process, but not those who do not try. It does not matter if I do not share the same interests with them or even if I disagree with their cause. I admire those who actively practice having dialogues, information exchanges, transparency, giving and receiving constructive criticism, collaborations, by participating in public forums of different forms, real or virtual. They are active agents of a process that results in learning experiences and growth of individuals and communities. It does not matter if I do not agree with them. In fact, it is often times their courage and dedication to their beliefs that cause their disagreeing silent majority to come out of their shells and say something, or do something. The silent majority is a term that was often used during Jon Stewart Rally to Restore Sanity. I think the silent majority is somewhat responsible for all the insanity that goes on, for being by-standers that hands over all the attention and resources to those they disagree with, for not making things better, for not giving sanity and civility voice and power. I think those intellectuals in good health, with access to good resources, know better, and should do better, or at least try to do better.

I admire people who expose themselves to being criticized, judged, or even labeled by many adjectives even if I believe they are wrong. They are providing the opportunity to the other side to respond and maybe correct what is happening in many silent minds, to right some wrongs. Even more admirable are those who after years of believing in something, as a result of their learning experiences and exchange of ideas, come to the conclusion that they were wrong, and not shy away from exposing their human side; the side that is vulnerable and makes mistakes, and yet can learn from those mistakes. I find it hard to respect those who complain about things at their home, work, neighborhood, city, country, or world without doing their share of changing things for better, living a better life, making a difference, or at the very least not causing any harm.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." Mahatma Gandhi

Rays of hope

You are on a roller coaster ride my dear readers this year. So, I was faced with the first barrier of my new approach to things, and I was ready to give up. Turns out patience and just believing in yourself can shine some lights of hope and make you continue on your journey.

Lesson of the day*: sometimes people are not motivated and encouraged to do something because it is right and good for themselves or for their kids when someone else asked them to, whether directly or indirectly. Doing so would make them wrong and you right. They are always right you should keep in mind, and who the hell are you to prove them wrong, or tell them what they should or should not do. Proving them wrong is not the goal anyways, rather their health and well-being. So, instead, it helps to rephrase the problem and approach it differently. Make them feel they are doing you a favor. You are suffering and you are stressed, which you are anyways because of their behavior. They have the power to save you and make you feel better, only if they do something differently.** Often times, they are more than happy to do that. They feel empowered. They are helping you feel better by doing what you wished they do, for you. At the end, you do feel better too, and so do they. And everyone lives happily ever after, till the next post at least ;-)

* I know this lesson is not rocket science and many may know it in theory. However, experiencing both approaches in practice and seeing how differently they work turned on a huge light bulb in my head.

** However, if you always use this approach, one might be perceived as constantly being selfish and needy. So, if this becomes the perception of the other side and this approach stops working, you need to remind and reassure the other person that you are worried about their well-being and you care for them. The moral of a story is that there are different ways of seeing and approaching the same problem and getting the desired outcome. Utilize what works best in your situation.

Help!

Okay, I do not know anything. I got a slap in the face. I lose. I confess. Three days in the new year, and I already regret my resolution. I cannot do it. Maybe, I do not want to do it. Not sure. For now, I am back to my last year's approach before I go crazy. At least that worked!