In an episode of the "House" TV Series, Wilson says to House:
"Cutty is Right. Maybe if I do not play along, you do not try to solve the deeper problem with a surface solution!"
How often do we play along, walking on egg shells, not to hurt a delicate situation or cause any problems for someone we love? Or just to pretend everything is okay when it is not? So often we help others settle for a band aid solution instead of the real cure because it hurts to watch them go through a painful treatment. We let them use us as a carpet to hide their issues under, or even as a scapegoat to blame for the cause of the problem they are facing. Sometimes you have to stay away for them to face the real problem, and think of a real solution that does not include you. Sometimes staying away is the best help one can offer.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Boundaries Affirmations*
Reminder to self on an angry and stressful day:
- I have the right to be who I am and to stand up for myself.
- I deserve to be treated with respect.
- I always have the right to express what I feel and think, so long as I don't tell others what is right for them.
- I accept my right to be imperfect and to do so without feeling guilty.
- No one has the authority to tell me what to feel, what to think, or what to do.
- If I stand up for myself I will have more courage and I will be happier.
* From a training I attended by the founder of www.markasachs.com .
- I have the right to be who I am and to stand up for myself.
- I deserve to be treated with respect.
- I always have the right to express what I feel and think, so long as I don't tell others what is right for them.
- I accept my right to be imperfect and to do so without feeling guilty.
- No one has the authority to tell me what to feel, what to think, or what to do.
- If I stand up for myself I will have more courage and I will be happier.
* From a training I attended by the founder of www.markasachs.com .
Monday, January 4, 2010
Women of Iran*
It is a peaceful night. The stars and lights make Tehran a beautiful city at night.
Behind the walls of one of these houses, a four year old girl is sleeping. She is dreaming of getting ready to travel with her mother on a bus. Except her mother gets into the bus and she is left behind. She is having a nightmare. Her mother is leaving her. She cries. She wakes up. Her dad is at the bed side. "You had a bad dream", he says. "No, mom left, no it was not a dream". "Mom is here, everything is fine". The fact that her dad is comforting her, not her mom, does not help.
She is in her twenties. She is happy to have found some new friends in the university. She has to hide her social life from her mother. She has to lie to have a normal conversation with a male friend. She is asleep. She dreams they are walking in the park, having a good time. Guards stop them. "How are you related?", they ask. They are being arrested, taken to the jail, for their crime. She wakes up. She is relieved she was dreaming.
In another house, a woman in her fifties is sleeping. She is always scared. She locks all doors, closes all curtains, turns off extra lights. She is having a nightmare. Someone is following her. She tries to walk faster. She plays smart so that her follower give up and leave her alone. She travels a longer path to delay arriving home, so that no one learns where she lives. She arrives home. She unlocks the door. As soon as she thinks she is in, strangers push her inside. She yells loudly. She says things in her sleep. Her daughter hears her, "Mom, wake up! You are having a bad dream"!
These are females of Iran. Appearing calm and pleasant, while being scared and frightened to their bones. They wish for a peaceful sleep.
* I had written this long before June 2009, when uprisings unfolded. Maybe now the whole country wishes for a peaceful sleep.
Behind the walls of one of these houses, a four year old girl is sleeping. She is dreaming of getting ready to travel with her mother on a bus. Except her mother gets into the bus and she is left behind. She is having a nightmare. Her mother is leaving her. She cries. She wakes up. Her dad is at the bed side. "You had a bad dream", he says. "No, mom left, no it was not a dream". "Mom is here, everything is fine". The fact that her dad is comforting her, not her mom, does not help.
She is in her twenties. She is happy to have found some new friends in the university. She has to hide her social life from her mother. She has to lie to have a normal conversation with a male friend. She is asleep. She dreams they are walking in the park, having a good time. Guards stop them. "How are you related?", they ask. They are being arrested, taken to the jail, for their crime. She wakes up. She is relieved she was dreaming.
In another house, a woman in her fifties is sleeping. She is always scared. She locks all doors, closes all curtains, turns off extra lights. She is having a nightmare. Someone is following her. She tries to walk faster. She plays smart so that her follower give up and leave her alone. She travels a longer path to delay arriving home, so that no one learns where she lives. She arrives home. She unlocks the door. As soon as she thinks she is in, strangers push her inside. She yells loudly. She says things in her sleep. Her daughter hears her, "Mom, wake up! You are having a bad dream"!
These are females of Iran. Appearing calm and pleasant, while being scared and frightened to their bones. They wish for a peaceful sleep.
* I had written this long before June 2009, when uprisings unfolded. Maybe now the whole country wishes for a peaceful sleep.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
New Year Resolution.
Happy New Year!
I do not have any grandiose new year's resolutions.
I do not want to change the world,
Win a huge prize,
Or earn more money.
I do not plan for a major change to happen.
New miracles to unfold.
I want to enjoy my cup of tea in the mornings.
I want to exchange more hellos with my neighbors.
I want to smile at work every day.
I want to spend even more time with my friends.
I want to explore new places.
I want to learn new things.
I want to look at moon more often at nights.
I want to live.
I want to live a routine life.
You call it boring?
You won't know what a miracle the order in daily life is,
Until something disrupts it.
Call me old-fashioned.
I want to live a boring life.
And that is my resolution.
I do not have any grandiose new year's resolutions.
I do not want to change the world,
Win a huge prize,
Or earn more money.
I do not plan for a major change to happen.
New miracles to unfold.
I want to enjoy my cup of tea in the mornings.
I want to exchange more hellos with my neighbors.
I want to smile at work every day.
I want to spend even more time with my friends.
I want to explore new places.
I want to learn new things.
I want to look at moon more often at nights.
I want to live.
I want to live a routine life.
You call it boring?
You won't know what a miracle the order in daily life is,
Until something disrupts it.
Call me old-fashioned.
I want to live a boring life.
And that is my resolution.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Different Languages of Love
It has been a few years since one of my friends introduced me to the topic of different languages of love. The book was not necessarily a scientific or research-based one, rather one of those self-help books on keeping and maintaining loving relationships. I found the topic interesting regardless.
The book had stories of couples, whom some after a lifetime of marriage, did not feel loved by their partners. They seemed to have normal lives, they were life long friends, did not necessarily had any arguments, but they did not feel recognized, appreciated, loved. Often times, the other partner was clueless on what is missing. S/he could not find any basis for his/her partner's complaints.
The book argued different people have different ways/languages for expressing their love. While one person may shower you with flowers or gifts for every occasion, another person may never express his/her love with gifts and sees them as superficial materialistic objects that can actually harm a loving bond. That person may always do things for you and make sure you are taken care of. Whether it is doing the grocery shopping, washing the dishes, giving you a ride, etc. One person may do all these great things and the partner still not be happy, because they do not seem to have much of quality time together. You may shower her in jewelry and do everything for her, but all she really wants is an hour or two of your undivided attention. You get the picture. People have different ways of expressing their love and based on their preferred language, they feel happy/loved when they are talked to in their own language.
The book listed five major love languages:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical Touch
I would think we probably will feel happy when any of these are applied to us, and need to be at the receiving point of all of these five languages to some extent. However, we may appreciate, or be more sensitive to, being treated (or not) through one approach much more than the other ones. So, just because you do not care for gifts, it does not mean your partner would not mind that you never give him/her anything. Just because it means the world to you when your partner helps you with the house chores, it does not mean your partner likes you to help him/her with his/her chores. S/he may be yearning for more hugs and kisses instead. It is thus important to recognize your preferred love languages and those of your partner, and to receive and express love in those languages more often.
One things is for sure though: we got to get some love in a relationship. No matter how kind and giving we are, or would like to be, we cannot continue to give and give, and not hear any of the love languages back. What do you think?
The book had stories of couples, whom some after a lifetime of marriage, did not feel loved by their partners. They seemed to have normal lives, they were life long friends, did not necessarily had any arguments, but they did not feel recognized, appreciated, loved. Often times, the other partner was clueless on what is missing. S/he could not find any basis for his/her partner's complaints.
The book argued different people have different ways/languages for expressing their love. While one person may shower you with flowers or gifts for every occasion, another person may never express his/her love with gifts and sees them as superficial materialistic objects that can actually harm a loving bond. That person may always do things for you and make sure you are taken care of. Whether it is doing the grocery shopping, washing the dishes, giving you a ride, etc. One person may do all these great things and the partner still not be happy, because they do not seem to have much of quality time together. You may shower her in jewelry and do everything for her, but all she really wants is an hour or two of your undivided attention. You get the picture. People have different ways of expressing their love and based on their preferred language, they feel happy/loved when they are talked to in their own language.
The book listed five major love languages:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical Touch
I would think we probably will feel happy when any of these are applied to us, and need to be at the receiving point of all of these five languages to some extent. However, we may appreciate, or be more sensitive to, being treated (or not) through one approach much more than the other ones. So, just because you do not care for gifts, it does not mean your partner would not mind that you never give him/her anything. Just because it means the world to you when your partner helps you with the house chores, it does not mean your partner likes you to help him/her with his/her chores. S/he may be yearning for more hugs and kisses instead. It is thus important to recognize your preferred love languages and those of your partner, and to receive and express love in those languages more often.
One things is for sure though: we got to get some love in a relationship. No matter how kind and giving we are, or would like to be, we cannot continue to give and give, and not hear any of the love languages back. What do you think?
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Baby Jasmine!
Baby Jasmine!
Tonight is a long night for you.
The beginning of your many struggles in life.
As you work on entering this world.
Baby Jasmine!
This is just the beginning,
Of pushing hard,
Of finding your way out,
Of many battles to fight.
But do not you worry.
Baby Jasmine!
There are people waiting for you on the other side.
To catch you,
To hold you,
They already love you.
Baby Jasmine!
Now you have no choice,
But when you do,
Let people who love you,
Or those worthy to be trusted,
To catch you,
To hold you.
To love you,
You will survive those struggles,
Just as well as you will win the first one.
Baby Jasmine!
I will smell you in the morning.
Till then, sweet dreams.
aunt Nargess.
Tonight is a long night for you.
The beginning of your many struggles in life.
As you work on entering this world.
Baby Jasmine!
This is just the beginning,
Of pushing hard,
Of finding your way out,
Of many battles to fight.
But do not you worry.
Baby Jasmine!
There are people waiting for you on the other side.
To catch you,
To hold you,
They already love you.
Baby Jasmine!
Now you have no choice,
But when you do,
Let people who love you,
Or those worthy to be trusted,
To catch you,
To hold you.
To love you,
You will survive those struggles,
Just as well as you will win the first one.
Baby Jasmine!
I will smell you in the morning.
Till then, sweet dreams.
aunt Nargess.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
