Control free

It is amazing how theory and practice are different.  I think I live, act, and think independently, or like to do so, with regard to my life.  However, I have caught myself red-handed several times when something someone said or did affected me, my thoughts, or behavior, and thus in a way controlled me.  There are so many things, subtle and obvious, that controls our choices.  The struggle to be free of those external influences, being focused on our inner goals and dreams, is a constant struggle.  It is not that easy.  At least, I do not find it so.

Nobody knows ...

The truth is we all seek answers from each other.  As if the key to our life and happiness depends on another.  The truth is, we ourselves, do not know how we will feel about someone or something year(s) from now, and yet we expect others to know and have the answers.  All we know is how we feel now and what we want now; Let that guide us to what will be later, not what we think should be the case later, or others think should be the case for us later.  Let's enjoy floating in the ocean of life, the journey of being one with the ocean, and if it led us to safe shores, let's enjoy that and be grateful for it too.

What would be the word for it?

I am watching the evening news.  There are two stories broadcast within less than 15 minutes of each other:

1. An 87 year old woman in an assisted living housing is out of breath.  A nurse at that facility calls 911.  911 operator sends help but tells the nurse she needs to perform CPR right away.  The nurse refuses because it is against their policy.  The operator asks if there is anyone else there who is willing to help and perform CPR? They do not need to know how to do it, I can instruct them, she says.  The nurse, who is professionally trained to do CPR, says no,  not at this time.  The lady is dead by the time 911 dispatcher arrives. She died with a nurse next to her who refused to perform CPR.  As if this was not enough, the old lady's daughter, ironically a registered nurse also, does not mind the treatment her mother received!
   http://wtvr.com/2013/03/03/nurse-refuses-to-give-cpr/
   
2. Sacramento firefighters pulled two lifeless dogs from a burnt house.  They performed CPR on dogs and they came back to life!
   http://sacramento.cbslocal.com/2013/03/01/sacramento-firefighters-resuscitate-2-dogs-rescued-from-burning-home/

"I believe I can fly!"

There is nothing more joyful than flying freely, reaching the heights,  and feeling the enthusiasm.  The worst thing to me would not be not being able to fly because of an illness, misfortune, accident, or bad luck.  The worse thing would be that someone, something, some rule, put a ceiling above your head, or a cage around you, blocking you ascent!   That something or someone or roadblock, kills the spirit, the enthusiasm, the joy of the journey.  That ceiling, that limitation, that captivity, that cannot be acceptable.   Tell me I have no wings, tell me I am not physically capable, tell me you may starve on the way and may not make it, but do not tell me we cannot allow it.  Sooner or later, I won't have to ask for your permission.

Happy Valentine's Day!

To all my dear friends and readers here, I wish you a happy Valentine's day, filled with health, joy, love, and happiness.  Love is not limited to being loved by one person, or loving someone.  It is much broader than that.  It is a sense of being connected with self and universe, and being at peace with it.  It includes love of life, love of self to always do what is best for our souls, to have self respect and confidence, loving and respecting others, and more importantly allowing ourselves to be loved, letting others we love and care about in our worlds, breaking tall firm walls around us one brick at a time by acts of kindness, exchanges of happy moments, as well as walking through pain together.


Happy Valentine's Day!

Walk the walk

People complain about how lonely they are, how depressed they are, Yet they do not have, or rather they do not make, time to meet old and new friends, travel, or socialize. In fact, they cannot even bare the idea of giving up any of their alone time. People complain about other people, Yet they cannot live without them. Let's face it, We are all happy with things as they are, Or else we would change them. Would not we? Why pretend? Why hide behind excuses? If you like pretending, Be my guest. I do not like playing this game.

Happy 2013!

Happy New Year!  I hope you have all had a good start of the year thus far and in 2013 you be happy, healthy, and getting closer and closer to your personal and professional goals.

While during the last quarter of 2012 I had a slow, a little sad looking, professional life for a couple of months, 2013 could not have started better.  One of my projects had finished in October and I could not get funds for it to sustain it.  There were other things I could do, but they were not like doing what I loved and wanted to do.  There was a gap.  It made me think a lot about direction of my career, my research, my goals.  This gap made me do interviews for new positions in my own organization for the first time after over 11 years!  I knew in my bones, the time for me to lead and manage had come;  The detail oriented focused me, was not happy anymore behind a console coding, writing, debugging, implementing other people's goals and dreams.  I had a thirst for larger impact, bigger roles, for growth, for having others implement my vision and goals and me helping larger programs that I admire achieve theirs.  It is time for me to put all my bossy, controlling, detail oriented, organizational desires into a job where such skills are not only appreciated but required: project/program management!

The gap in my funding, made me think of new possibilities and opportunities that previously I was too busy even considering.  In the past, if such gaps and needs occurred I would just accept or select the most appealing available opportunity that my supervisors or collaborators had to offer.  This time, I applied for technical management positions that I thought would be a good growth opportunity for me. I wrote my own research proposal.  More importantly, I said "No" to my colleagues' research opportunities to make room for achieving my own goals, even if that meant dealing with uncertainty and not looking good for 1-2 months.  The year starts with me being selected for a technical managment position full time and having a research proposal awarded that I will just have to supervise because I do not have the time to work on it myself.  However, I am happy for having this grant because it keeps me connected with research and technical world, and it even gives me more opportunities to practice my leadership and management skills on something I am passionate about.

While I am excited about these opportunities and challenges, I also have concerns.  What if team members do not accept my lead? What if the team does not deliver on time and on budget?  What if I fail?

2013 is the year I try to motivate, lead, manage and achieve results.  Let's see how that turns out.  I am excited!