Passive Aggressiveness

Something is bothering you:
What a friend said,
What a colleague did,
How an organization is being run.

You keep your silence.
What is the point after all?
Nothing is going to change,
You rather believe.
You keep getting hurt.
You build up anger within yourself,
More and more everyday.

What if you speak up?
What would you lose if no one hears you out?
What if someone does?
What if something changes?
What if you learn you were wrong?
Maybe you had no reason to be mad to begin with!
Maybe you learn something you did not know!

You accept the status quo.
You accept the behavior you do not like.
You do not give others an opportunity to explain, to improve, to gain your trust.
You allow yourself to blame others for your unhappiness.
After all,
If others resolve the issue,
Who else would you have to blame?
So, you keep quiet.
You resist change.
You resist being proven wrong.
You protect yourself.
You hide behind others.

Speak up gently sometimes.
Ask questions.
Declare your feelings.
Declare your thoughts.
Give others the benefit of the doubt.
You may see more clearly.
You may live happier.

Risk

I faced my fears
Through a very simple task
Which was a huge deal for me

I took a risk
I placed myself in a vulnerable situation
Once again, against all odds

Now I am relieved
I am glad I faced my fears
A small step for mankind
A giant leap for my kind!

Passion

I have found a few more good friends.
The ones that in a half-an-hour conversation.
Know you better than those who have been in your life for years.
They listen to you.
They look deep into your eyes.
They care about you.

They are passionate about life.
They create their own desired jobs.
They aim high, and
Dream big.

They cannot wait to start their days.
They jump out of the bed every morning
To Save Humanity
One person at a time.

They do not laugh at your dreams.
They do not discourage you from perusing them.
In fact, they believe in you more than you do in yourself.
They do not like excuses, scapegoats, and blames.
They believe when there is a will, there is a way.
They keep pushing boundaries.
They keep moving forward.
They sure can make their ideas reality.
One way or another.
They expect nothing less from you.

I am blessed to be in their presence.
They energize me.
They make me happy.
They give me hope.
They change my life for the better.

Natalie

When she had just learned how to walk,
She would walk with her mom towards a lake close by,
To feed the ducks.
Once I took her to give her mom a break.
The ducks were taller than her.
They were so hungry and aggressive,
I was frightened they would bite off her little fingers.
She was not scared at all.
I picked her up anyways.

Once I had received some daffodils.
I wanted to teach her this is the meaning of my name.
"See this flower?
This is the meaning of my name in Farsi".
She leaned forward to smell the flowers.
Then she came towards me and smelled me.
"You do not smell the same!"
I could not stop laughing and hugging her.

She got older.
She even has an e-mail address.
She was so happy having received an e-mail from me:
"You are my best friend", she said.
I never felt better being someone's best friend.

Now she wants to go to places with me.
"When can we go to your work again?"
Natalie asked me last week.
"I am not sure honey.
Whenever we have an event,
I will let you know".
She got sad for having to wait.
"There is a lot to do!
We can visit museums.
There are plenty here".
I wanted to comfort her.
"I want to go to the aerospace museum,
Next week, with you!"
"I am out of town next week.
We can go some other time."
I said apologetically.
"You want to go to aerospace museum? I will take you.", her dad said.
I was so happy and relieved.
"No, I want to go with her", she insisted.
"Why? Go with your dad, it will be fun." I was confused.
"Because you are smarter!"
We all laughed.

I always envied her free spirit and courage.

Religion

Little Victoria was sick last night.
Her nose was running, and
She was sniffing it up.

I was repeating my usual preach:
"You should not suck your thumb so much,
or make sure you wash your hand so that
you do not put germs in your mouth".

She was looking at me strangely,
As if she wanted to say,
What are you talking about?
This is not the way.
She knew better:
"Last week we were blessed at church so that we do not get sick.
It did not work!"
What can she do?

The Great Wall of China: Good Times

We are on the Great Wall of China,
So far from everywhere I used to be.
The wall I used to read about in novels as a kid,
Wondering how gigantic it really was.

I am there with a great professor,
Who I respect and admire a lot.
The one who advised me for five years,
Edited my writings for misplaced or absent 'a's and 'the's, over and over.

The timing is perfect too.
I have just finished my Ph.D.
Not considering my health issues,
I am taking it all as a great turn of events.
The place, the timing, the company,
I love it all.

Every two seconds we are stopped by local sellers.
Selling scarves, books, post cards.
"Silk scarf for your daughter",
She repeats to my professor several times.

"Today, I am your daughter", I say with a smile.
"Oh, that is what she means!
How does she know? Maybe you were my wife.", he asks jokingly.
I laugh at his self-confidence!
"Well, in an academic sense you are my daughter".
He corrects himself.
"These are great times, great memories", I think to myself.

Greed

It has been more than a decade since that day,
It was after one of those earlier semesters,
The ones when I would take five courses,
One after another,
From early in the morning till early in the afternoon.
Then I would be in the Math center,
Tutoring one student after another,
Discussing the same problems over and over,
Till nine p.m.
Weekends meant reduced working hours and no classes,
Time to study, write papers, and do projects.

I was usually the first one to open up the center,
Before attending my own classes,
Before my supervisor showed up.
I was the last one to close up.
All of that for the precious price of minimum wage,
Five dollars and fifty cents per hour, to be exact.

That was fine with me then.
After all, with no degree,
And no work experience in this country,
My choices were limited.
Maybe I could be a cashier, a waitress, or a babysitter, instead.
At least, "I am in an academic environment",
I would remind myself.
"I can study when things are slow",
Hardly that ever happened.

One of those semesters was over.
All of a sudden,
I did not have much to do,
Till few days ago,
all I wanted was to catch my breath,
and then I did not have much to do.

So, I decided to take a walk,
Towards the college,
Except this time slowly and leisurely,
Hoping that I would see some familiar faces,
Of friends or colleagues.
Maybe we could chat over a cup of tea or coffee,
Without me worrying about time.

The school was deserted.
No one was there.
The center was closed.
The cafeteria was empty.
Only the administration offices were open for registration,
and the bookstore for limited hours.

Suddenly I felt sad.
It was as if nothing had happened during the past few months.
It did not matter that I worked so hard, for so many hours.
They would have still managed to pass their courses.
What difference did it make?

Did I really have to repeat my pizza story so many times,
So that they know why anything divided by infinity is zero?
"Suppose you have ordered a pizza.
If you share it fairly with your roommate,
How big of a piece will you get?
What if you had two other friends over?
What if you had to share it with fifty people?
A Hundred?
...
Try infinity."

I would see a light bulb turning on over their head,
and that was priceless.
I wanted them to be friends with equations, integrals, and derivatives,
Maybe they would find math an entertaining game.
Oh! How silly I was.
It did not really matter.
They were all gone.
It was all history.

Soon I was on my way back.
"I will go watch a movie, or
maybe borrow a book from the public library".
As I was deep in my thoughts,
A car stopped in front of me.

It was one of my old students!
A middle-aged man,
Who struggled with his afternoon math courses,
After his daily full-time job.
He asked me if I needed a ride.
I thanked him, "I am actually enjoying the walk".
"I just wanted to stop and thank you for all your help last semester", he said.
"I would not have been able to make it if it were not for your help! I thought I come buy my books early and prepare for my next math class during the break."

I could not feel happier.
Whoever was running the show up there,
Read my mind, and gave me an answer,
In real time, on the spot!

We departed and I continued walking,
While still enjoying what had just happened.
I thought maybe sometimes you get what you wish for.
I knew it was too good to happen often.
We must have a few of such chances.

I forgot how I was feeling earlier in the day,
and how happy my student made me feel.
I was getting greedy.
"Only if I had asked for something else!".