I am not going anywhere.

You made it so easy for me to quit,
I so very much wish to do so too,
But then I think again,
What will happen in that case,
The opportunities will be only yours,
So will be the credit of all my hard work,
So will be the claim that women cannot just make it,
There was nothing to stop her, was there? No, she quit!

Historical lessons become all much more meaningful,
Even when dealing with much less sever hardships,
It would be nice to be like Gandhi, like Dr. King,
Practicing non-violent resistance,
Even in a small lab.

No, sir.
I won't give you the luxury of me quitting.
After all, it is not about you.
It is about the work,
The mission I am so proud to contribute to,
And be part of despite all its hardships.

It is about the work,
And I am not going to let you get that away from me.
You better learn to accept me, or at least tolerate me,
After all, I am not going anywhere!

You laughed at me

I told you the truth,
You laughed at me,
You had already believed a stranger's story over mine,
and that hurt badly,

You laughed at me,
Right before I realized you do not believe in me,

You laughed at me,
And I did not even care to explain,
After all, you believed another story,
You did not believe in me,
You did not bother to ask me,
Instead, you laughed at me.

Fairy Godmother

Little Victoria told a story tonight about a fairy Godmother called Nargess. Everyone was jealous of her because she was the best fairy Godmother ever....

...Aunt Nargess was speechless, filled with joy, listening to the nicely crafted story of little Victoria. Thank you dear. It means the whole universe to me, and more.

Honesty...

..is such a lonely word.

Why do people feel obliged to say things they do not mean? To claim they would do things they do not have the slightest intention of doing? They want to be nice to you by hurting you?

I am a big girl. I can handle the truth. Just say it, or do not say anything. I would respect you for that. Do not make up stories. Do not tell me lies, because I would know when you lie. And if you do, you will lose your credit in my emotional bank. I won't loan you any more trust.

Trust

I was waiting for you again. I was waiting and hating myself for it.

I wish you cared enough for me not to make me wait.
I wish you cared enough for me not to make me doubt you.

I wish I knew you will come.
I wish I believed in you enough to know you won't hurt me.
I wish I trusted you.

Am I incapable of trusting you? Or is it that you have not earned my trust? Is this my problem or yours?

I do not know.
All I know is that it is a problem.

The Moon

Tonight you were slim at sunset, reminding me of the Persian poem:
I saw the sky's green land and a sickle of the new moon, reminding me of my own crops and the harvest time.

I had planted something. I had nurtured it. From the night you were blocked by the sun. The harvest time arrived; I did not have a good season.

Our names will orbit the moon, but we cannot get to meet on earth again. As far as it is, and as unreachable as it appears, moon is more accepting of us. How strange is that?

Happiness

Happiness is feeling good because you are around. Happiness is the inability to stop giggling when looking in your eyes. Happiness is being safe and at peace knowing I have found you. Happiness is knowing that I will see you again, knowing that you keep in touch, knowing that there is nothing to doubt, because everything feels just right! I do not need to persuade anybody or to be persuaded to feel anything; I do not need to push someone to change, and no one is demanding me to change. Happiness is here. Happiness is here because you and I have come a long way to be here together. I do not care what the future holds. Right now, I am happy.