People Who Keep Me Going 1: Dear Barb

Barb is a colleague of mine, rather a friend of mine I should say. I did not used to think of her as a close friend, or even one who paid attention to me, what I do, and how I am doing it. I first met her when I was having my on-site job interview over 9 years ago. She was one of the branch heads in the division at the time. I did not end up being hired into her branch. My rocket scientist supervisor announced in front of Barb and others: "I won you". I felt like a foster child being picked by her new mom. That is how strange they were all to me.

So, I started my first assignment as part of my official professional training. After six months I had to deliver my first project, present it in front of managers, demonstrate it, document it, and defend it like a thesis. Barb showed up at my presentation. I did not think much of her presence. I did not know any better.

During the same time I was admitted to a PhD program. I was sure of one thing: I wanted to go back to school. I was not sure how I was supposed to keep my job, do my course work and PhD research, and manage my finances. Go to school full time, work part time, or go to school part time and work full time. Should I quite my job? No ... no...no. Should I forget about PhD? No...no...no.

All of a sudden, I received an email from Barb. One I would have never dreamed of receiving. First, she congratulated me for passing the exam, my first professional training milestone and presentation. She had written "You know what was my favorite part of your presentation? When Mr. x asked something to the effect of is your software operational and you said Yes with such confidence! I am not sure if you have the same confidence in yourself as you do in your work but you should ..." The carefully written email, so thoughtful, and so personal. How had she figured me out so well? I did not even think she noticed me all this time. Then, after 2-3 paragraphs, the compelling reason for her writing to me showed up: "So, what is it now I hear about you going to graduate school and leaving us? ....your code can take us to Mars....", I could not believe my eyes. I was speechless. What had I done that she believed so much in me? I reassured her in my response that I was not leaving my chosen home, that I may just have to take some leave of absence when doing my course work.

That passed and our paths separated. I never really worked with or for her. She moved from our division to another to manage a satellite and I did not see much of her. Till she surprised me again when I emailed some friends and colleagues telling them I will be walking one and a half marathon to raise awareness for the fight against breast cancer and I needed their support with fund raising. She was among the first to donate, and later when I shared the link on my facebook page, I see her supporting me by sharing it with her friends with this message: "Friends, if Dr. Nargess says she's going to walk 36 miles (or whatever it is exactly) i KNOW that's exactly what she's going to do! Please help me get her to the starting line." Once again she did it! Appearing out of the blue just to support me; encourage me; believe in me beyond belief; give me confidence; and make me push the boundaries of my capabilities!

Barb is still a mystery to me. I do not recall even having a long conversation with her. I have very few memories of meeting with her, three of which are marked by memories of how she surprised me by her kind thoughtful remarks. Yet, she puts so much trust in me and gives so much positive energy, without me having given her much of my time or energy; well, nothing really compared to the time and energy I spend with many friends and family members. Her passion, belief, and energy makes everything look possible because you never ever want to disappoint her, to shatter her beautiful image of you in her mind.

Thank you Barb! Your thoughtful words time and again, exactly when I needed to hear them, have kept me going and going and going ...