It is an imaginary line,
Dividing a surface to two areas: A and B.
You may be considered a friend in one area and a foe in another.
Getting from A to B might be very different from getting from B to A.
As soon as you cross this imaginary line,
The main language may change,
The traditions, and many other things.
Humans made these imaginary lines.
They are called borders.
At least those are well defined, usually.
There are rules about them.
As long as you inquire about them,
And follow them,
You will be fine.
Humans are good at making these imaginary lines.
Most of them are invisible though.
You do not know the rules that applies to them.
There are many invisible borders for every single person.
As soon as you cross those lines,
Sometimes without knowing,
You will be deported from that person's mind, heart, or life.
So, people try to be considerate of those they care about,
Not to cross any prohibited borders,
Not to be deported.
But do we really want to live such a terrified life?
Do not we wish to be in the same territory with them,
Or know what the expectations are?
Maybe we can first make those lines visible,
Before attempting to broaden our safe zone,
Before trying to eliminate borders.
Maybe, maybe one day,
The other side lifts some bans too.
Maybe they let us in,
After we took permissions and showed our credentials.
We may be proven trustworthy enough.
Who knows, they may make an exception just for us.
Then little by little,
We push our boundaries,
Expand our horizons,
Live more freely.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Bloody difference
He yells, he yells back.
He curses, he curses back.
He punches, he punches back.
He kills, he kills back.
They both say they are very different from each other.
So different that it is worth dying for.
He curses, he curses back.
He punches, he punches back.
He kills, he kills back.
They both say they are very different from each other.
So different that it is worth dying for.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Humans are smart
Humans are smart.
They break all sorts of distance and space limitations.
They can see surfaces as far as mars.
They will reach Pluto, even if it takes nine years of traveling in space.
They can hardly break the distance among themselves though.
Even if they are sitting next to each other.
Humans are smart.
They design algorithms for extracting fonts from crowded pictures,
To extract facial expressions, gestures, guess behaviors and actions.
They do not know what to do with this information though,
When they acquire it with their own eyes, ears, and hearts.
In fact, they perform worse than their own algorithms.
They pass each other by all the time.
Yes, humans are smart.
They break all sorts of distance and space limitations.
They can see surfaces as far as mars.
They will reach Pluto, even if it takes nine years of traveling in space.
They can hardly break the distance among themselves though.
Even if they are sitting next to each other.
Humans are smart.
They design algorithms for extracting fonts from crowded pictures,
To extract facial expressions, gestures, guess behaviors and actions.
They do not know what to do with this information though,
When they acquire it with their own eyes, ears, and hearts.
In fact, they perform worse than their own algorithms.
They pass each other by all the time.
Yes, humans are smart.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
What is a person to do? Speak up, keep quiet, or disappear?
A close family member or friend is making a wrong decision, doing the wrong thing, walking on the roof of a very high building and you see s/he is going to fall down shortly unless you stop them. So, you tell them, you warn them, you try to open their eyes. It is clear like day light to you they are going to fall, it is not a matter of opinion or perspective. The response you get is "you are supposed to support me, say keep going, how can I help you walk faster to reach your destination?". But you cannot provide that support. It is wrong, immoral, against your beliefs and principles. You cannot keep quiet either for it would be tacit approval of what they are doing and later you may blame yourself for the consequences. What should one do in this situation? Keep a distance so that you never see that person walking to the edge and falling, or keep talking and have continuous tension and stress and arguments with that person? What is a person to do?
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Different Communication Styles Between Genders
The TMT class that I attended last month, started with a one hour video. The video was titled "The Power Dead Even Rule" by Dr. Heim. It was about how differently men and women communicate based on different invisible gender cultures since they grew up differently. For example, boys traditionally grew up playing games that have winners and losers. They are used to winning and losing. Women, on the other hand, do not care much for winning. After all, when playing with dolls, or playing games in which one is a teacher, doctor, mom, etc, it is hard to have winners and losers. I summarize some of what I have learned from this video as much as my memory helps. Note that there are always individuals who behave differently from the majority, but the speaker claims on average most men and women communicate as she explained.
1) Men are goal-oriented while women are process-oriented.
Suppose two employees have been given an assignment to evaluate several options and make their final recommendation to a board. If the employee is a female, she will most likely present her decision as follows: "I considered option A, but I do not think it is a good choice for reasons x, y, z. I also studied option B, but for reasons e, f, g, I dismissed it...., Therefore, I recommend option E". Men in the meeting will most likely think "when are we getting to the bottom of this, does she have a point?, etc". If the employee is a male, he most likely presents his decision like this: "I recommend option E". If asked why, then he justifies his choice.
A wife asks her husband which dress looks better on her. He says the one on the left! She feels dismissed. She does not need a final answer, she needs a discussion about why the one on the left and not the one on the right. So, she asks another question. He gives another one word answer. The man thinks like a hunter. He has been asked to solve a problem, he killed the dress. He is asked another question, he kills that too. He is solving problems one after another and she is not happy.
2) Men live in a hierarchical world and women live in a flat one.
Men accept hierarchies and their position and role within that hierarchy. Women regardless of their position try to flatten the hierarchy and build relationships. They expect this cultural flatness in their communications too. This is what Dr. Heim refers to as Power Dead Even Rule.
If a male boss tells a male employee "I need this report by tomorrow at my desk", he has no problem with it. If the boss, even a female one, says the same thing to a female employee, she thinks "who the hell s/he thinks s/he is?". Well, s/he is your boss! A female boss is more likely to exchange some greetings first, ask about how the employee is doing, and after building some relationship she would go, "By the way, I really appreciate it if I could have this report at my desk by tomorrow". A female employee will most likely get the report done by tomorrow, a male employee have heard everything the female boss said as "optional", for if it was urgent she would not be so nice and polite. The female has to struggle to make the request as dry and formal and ordering as possible for a male to feel its urgency, otherwise all he hears is "optional". For women, this is how all requests should be made, within some context, not out of the blue, nicely and politely. Women want to distribute the power evenly and thus it is hard to for them to talk within a hierarchy as their role in that hierarchy suggests they should.
Several other gender differences in communication were discussed, which you can read about them here. These differences show up in so many different contexts. In negotiations, women choose an option that makes everyone happy to some extent. They look for a win-win solution. They do not want to ruin any relationships. Men, look at the best option possible, a win-lose option, to take the most out of a deal. Similarly, women tend to avoid conflict and try to have a nice relationship with everyone while men take more risks.
Neither of these communication style are necessarily right or wrong in all situations. Rather being aware of these gender differences in communication styles help us communicate more effectively with each other.
1) Men are goal-oriented while women are process-oriented.
Suppose two employees have been given an assignment to evaluate several options and make their final recommendation to a board. If the employee is a female, she will most likely present her decision as follows: "I considered option A, but I do not think it is a good choice for reasons x, y, z. I also studied option B, but for reasons e, f, g, I dismissed it...., Therefore, I recommend option E". Men in the meeting will most likely think "when are we getting to the bottom of this, does she have a point?, etc". If the employee is a male, he most likely presents his decision like this: "I recommend option E". If asked why, then he justifies his choice.
A wife asks her husband which dress looks better on her. He says the one on the left! She feels dismissed. She does not need a final answer, she needs a discussion about why the one on the left and not the one on the right. So, she asks another question. He gives another one word answer. The man thinks like a hunter. He has been asked to solve a problem, he killed the dress. He is asked another question, he kills that too. He is solving problems one after another and she is not happy.
2) Men live in a hierarchical world and women live in a flat one.
Men accept hierarchies and their position and role within that hierarchy. Women regardless of their position try to flatten the hierarchy and build relationships. They expect this cultural flatness in their communications too. This is what Dr. Heim refers to as Power Dead Even Rule.
If a male boss tells a male employee "I need this report by tomorrow at my desk", he has no problem with it. If the boss, even a female one, says the same thing to a female employee, she thinks "who the hell s/he thinks s/he is?". Well, s/he is your boss! A female boss is more likely to exchange some greetings first, ask about how the employee is doing, and after building some relationship she would go, "By the way, I really appreciate it if I could have this report at my desk by tomorrow". A female employee will most likely get the report done by tomorrow, a male employee have heard everything the female boss said as "optional", for if it was urgent she would not be so nice and polite. The female has to struggle to make the request as dry and formal and ordering as possible for a male to feel its urgency, otherwise all he hears is "optional". For women, this is how all requests should be made, within some context, not out of the blue, nicely and politely. Women want to distribute the power evenly and thus it is hard to for them to talk within a hierarchy as their role in that hierarchy suggests they should.
Several other gender differences in communication were discussed, which you can read about them here. These differences show up in so many different contexts. In negotiations, women choose an option that makes everyone happy to some extent. They look for a win-win solution. They do not want to ruin any relationships. Men, look at the best option possible, a win-lose option, to take the most out of a deal. Similarly, women tend to avoid conflict and try to have a nice relationship with everyone while men take more risks.
Neither of these communication style are necessarily right or wrong in all situations. Rather being aware of these gender differences in communication styles help us communicate more effectively with each other.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
The story of the "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly", based on a true story, is a moving one to say the least in so many different aspects, mainly in conveying the power of love, dedication, and patience. I have not read the book, but saw the movie a long time ago. I highly recommend it.
I do not want to give away the main story, rather just this very emotional scene, which I think easily brings tears to a woman's eyes. The main character is in the hospital and newly paralyzed. His lover, the mother of his kids, is at his bedside daily taking care of him. He does not care much for her though. He is waiting for the woman who he loves to visit him. She never does. His lover realizes this at his bed, feeds him while tears are covering her face.
How blind love makes us all, how blind.
I do not want to give away the main story, rather just this very emotional scene, which I think easily brings tears to a woman's eyes. The main character is in the hospital and newly paralyzed. His lover, the mother of his kids, is at his bedside daily taking care of him. He does not care much for her though. He is waiting for the woman who he loves to visit him. She never does. His lover realizes this at his bed, feeds him while tears are covering her face.
How blind love makes us all, how blind.
Friday, May 21, 2010
دل به دل راه داره
هى به ما گفتن دل به دل راه داره. يادشون رفت بگن جادش لزوما دو طرفه نيست. چرا آخه دل مردم و خوش ميكنين؟ پس فردا كه چپ و راست تو اين جاده ها تصادف شد، شما مياين خرده شيشه هاى دلهاى شكسته رو جمع ميكنين؟
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