I have witnessed many friends, relatives, classmates, colleagues, and myself move to different countries or states over the years for various reasons: living in better societies with more individual rights, pursuit of higher education, starting careers, better job opportunities, alleviating financial hardships, etc. These moves are more common and even expected for people living under severe circumstances or at certain stages of their lives: when going to college, going to graduate school, starting a career, getting married, having kids, etc. People move with hopes that the new place offers the opportunity to achieve what they were aiming for. However, some people repeat this pattern of moving and starting a new life very often without being motivated by a specific goal or a significant life-changing event. This second group is the focus of this post.
I have always admired such group of people for their determination to advance in life, for bravely starting all over again, for making a new place their home, for establishing new friendships, and learning all about a new community. I found all they go through too exhausting. How can it be easy to start fresh when it takes so long just to figure out who is a trust-worthy plumber in town? I looked closer. They do not always move because their new destination has better opportunities to offer. They do not move, even though it is hard, to achieve higher goals. Rather, they use those goals to justify and rationalize their moves. They move because they find it harder to stay. It is hard to stay when every corner of the city reminds you of memories with your last love. It is hard to continue to show up to work when no one supports you, when all your relationships are tainted. It is hard to stay where you do not have any friends. It is hard to stay when there is nothing and no one to stay for. Thus, they keep moving and mastering the art of losing.
Staying is an art. Making things right is an art. Maintaining friendships and good relationships is an art. Making a place your home is an art. Establishing traditions that would last over the years is an art. "The art of losing is not hard to master".
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.
Elizabeth Bishop (1911-1979)
Friday, December 26, 2008
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5 comments:
I do not think the poem is either praising or despising losing. It is just describing how one can get good at the art of losing even though it may sound like a "disaster": lose something every day, something as small as your keys, accept the frustration it caused you and the time you wasted over it. Then lose more important things, like houses, people in your life, etc. Although it may sound like a disaster, you will accept that too. The more you practice losing, the more you master this art, to the point that losing cities, countries, and finally even your love won't be a disaster to you.
I also did not mean to praise or condemn losing, although I admit my writing turned out somewhat judgmental. I was wondering why people choose to move so often even though I found it very hard at times, like a "disaster". Part of the answer is in the poem: having lost so many precious things in their lives, another loss may not be considered as hard or important. I also think people at times may choose to move/lose because the alternative, which is to stay/keep, is even harder for them, which again indicates losing must be easier to master!
I hope this helped.
Yes, I agree. I was relating to the poem by using the word "lose". I think the word is used as a metaphor for letting go of things you value and love in that poem, not necessarily physical possessions. It can include letting go of family members or your love as the poem says.
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